Would you judge a potential partner by her/his past?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes of course. Your past isn't some distant unrelated relic that people pretend it is. Your actions speak volumes about you, even if those actions occurred three months ago or three years ago.

    So if he was ever abusive, had ever cheated, had a history of crime/violence, shit like that, etc I wouldn't date him. Everyone makes mistakes though. So I wouldn't be like oh you took acid and screwed your neighbor at a bonfire you're a man whore and I'm never talking to you again. It's just life everyone does dumb stuff they aren't proud of. But if he's done things that indicate his character isn't good then I'm out.

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    • 2mo

      What if it's not that they did bad things. But bad things were done TO them? I. e. abuse, rape, w/o.

    • 2mo

      @kaazsz they can't control that. I want to show people like that the good in others and help rehabilitate their heart. As cheesy as it sounds. It breaks my heart to know some people have been treated so horrifically and if I have an opportunity to make their lives a little better I will.
      Plus, I've been done wrong in many ways and it's damaged me emotionally. Not saying I've had it as bad as a rape victim but I've experienced emotional abuse myself. I'd hate to know people wouldn't want to get to know me simply because of that.

    • 2mo

      That's good to know, ty =D

Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on how it affects who they are now. For example, If a girl has a history of all her ex boyfriends cheating on her and I can tell she has major trust issues still... that's a judgement call I have to make. Deciding whether or not it's worth pushing past her walls and if the slightest thing I do she doesn't 100% approve of will be considered "breaking" that trust I was supposedly given.

    Some girls are looking for anything to confirm the beliefs they have. If one belief is guys can't be trusted, she'll find something to say you showed her you can't be trusted either.

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What Girls Said 10

  • It depends , because his past behaviour could determine his future potential with me

    If he'd had an awful childhood then I'd never judge him by his past. His circumstanstances were beyond his control.

    The past is who you WERE but the present is who you ARE, so I guess it depends on what he'd did or what happened in his past.

    The past can define a person in a nagative way , so they can become resentful, bitter and full of anger. Or it can define them in a positive way and strengthen them. He may have risen above his past and totally changed

    If he'd betrayed someone's trust in the past or cheated in a past relationship then I'd almost certainly judge him and avoid him. I value loyalty too much to allow people into my life who have the potential to betray my trust

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  • Depends. Like... If they murdered someone or abused their old partner, I may be a teeny bit jusgemental, y'know?

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  • Why I judge him? Yeah.
    Would I note date him? Nope, my own past matters more to me than his past, but there are a few things I will never tolerate.
    - Sleeping with a prostitute
    - Having threesomes or orgies
    - Having bisexual or gay sex
    - Having anal sex
    But I will tolerate if he used to be a fuckboy and slept around a lot as long as he respects my virginity.

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    • 2mo

      When you listed the things you wouldn't tolerate that pretty much invalidated your second statement. You won't date a man based on his history if it includes anything on that list. But in any other circumstance you would.

    • 2mo

      Why the bisexual or gay sex part? Do you not believe in them, would it make you question his sexuality, or why? Just curious, lul.

    • 2mo

      Because he wouldn't be manly enough for me.

  • In reality yes. However, you gotta also realize all the shit that you've done too, you know? Like are you perfect in anyway? Bc people do change & we all fuck up...

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    • 2mo

      What aspects of her/his past would you judge by?

    • 2mo

      Hmm it depends honestly. It depends on how you are now and how you took charge from your past. But I'd have to say, with the law, how you were with your past relationships, and how you were with others.

  • Yes, obviously. If I find it morally unappealing I wouldn't date him either.

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    • 2mo

      What aspects would you judge his past by? And what if he says that he's changed from how he used to be?

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    • 2mo

      How many sex partners is too many for your taste?

    • 2mo

      If it was 1 and it was a prostitute - then that's it for me...
      If it was 4 and they were all normal women, then that's fine. I don't have a definite number, I just know when I hear something if it's wrong for me or not.

  • Yes. Depends on what he did. But things can change if he is really changed.

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    • 2mo

      What aspects of his past would you judge by?

  • Somewhat. It depends if it's a good or bad past!

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    • 2mo

      What would you consider a bad past? Would your answer be any different if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

  • nah the past is past, unless you carry a souvenir with you ofc like an std lmao

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  • Depends what they did. Like if they were violent before. Or been to jail...

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    • 2mo

      Are they any other aspects of her/his past that you'd judge by, or is it along the lines of prison & violence history? And would it make a difference if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

    • 2mo

      Not really. Just prison and violence as people can't exactly come back from that and I can't take the risk of them being violent

  • Depends on what exactly the situation is. I may not precisely judge him but I will consider if his past shows a personality pattern that is going to be problematic in my present and future then opt out of experiencing him as a partner.

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    • 2mo

      Any particular aspects that you'd consider "problematic personality patterns"?

    • 2mo

      Hmmm... it really depends on how much initiative he's taken on really getting himself together mentally and creating a life where his past isn't going to be a major issue in the future

What Guys Said 11

  • No, only by her future. Which I would determine by horoscope or psychic.

    Of course you judge others by their past, silly. What else do you have to go on? "Yeah, she butchered some people back when she was with the Manson family, but we all did some stupid things when we were young..."

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    • 2mo

      What are the main things you'd judge her past on? Would it make a difference if she says that she's changed from how she used to be?

    • 2mo

      Addictions. How she treated people in past relationships. Her family, and how she gets along with them. Psychological issues like cutting or bulimia.

      If they were in the distant past, and she had clearly moved on, then I would probably be receptive, depending on the issue - I'm not perfect myself, by any means.

  • Of course I do.

    That's not to say that I expect perfection. Not at all. But there are some things that I couldn't look past.

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    • 2mo

      Like what? Even if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

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    • 2mo

      Any particular number of guys you'd consider to be too many?

    • 2mo

      Off the top of my head? Maybe... ten?

  • The past matters, no matter what any woman tries to tell you. If she's saying that, you know her cock count is high.

    If I find their past objectionable, I won't bother with them. If it's bad enough, I won't even consider them for a fuck.

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    • 2mo

      How many's too many for your taste?

    • 2mo

      I don't know. Haven't really thought about it since I don't do the relationshit thing any more. Not that it matters, women will all lie about their count anyway.

      You know how you can kinda get a vibe from a girl if she's a ho? If I get that vibe, I won't bother. Or if I hear from a bunch of other guys how big of a ho she is. I wish to hell I'd heard things about one of my ex's before I hooked up with her. I'm actually embarrassed to have fucked her, even though she's quite attractive.

  • Yes. A person's past is a very good indication of what they will be like in the present.

    People don't change that easily.

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    • 2mo

      Any particular aspects you'd judge by the past? What if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

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    • 2mo

      Anything else, or mainly pertained to loyalty during relationships?

    • 2mo

      The latter

  • Somewhat yes the past does play a part in who we are in the present after all.

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    • 2mo

      Any particular aspects you'd judge the past by? And would your answer be any different if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

    • 2mo

      Depends on the individual as every girl and their respected pasts are different and possibly yes but they'd have to show that to me.

  • Ummmmm it depends

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    • 2mo

      On what aspects of her/his past? And would it make a difference if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

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    • 2mo

      Tolerate it? I think that's the term you're best looking for.

      Would you consider friends with benefits slutty if she had feelings for him?

    • 2mo

      I don't know really

  • It's hard not to.

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    • 2mo

      For what aspects of her/his past? And would it make a difference if (s) he's said that (s) he has changed from how (s) he used to be?

  • Honestly, yes.

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    • 2mo

      What aspects would you judge the past by? And would it make a difference if (s) he says that (s) he's changed from how (s) he used to be?

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    • 2mo

      Any particular number of guys you'd consider too many?

    • 2mo

      If she had sexual partner more than 2 then its many to me, I'd still won't be much happy with her having even only 1 sexual partner in her life thats why I only dated with virgins.

  • nope

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  • Definitely.

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    • 2mo

      For any aspects in particular?

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    • 2mo

      How many men would be too many for your taste?

    • 2mo

      I don't know.

  • It depends on what's in her past. If she slept with other guys, that wouldn't bother me. If she has a history of cheating, I probably wouldn't date her. If she has psychological problems and isn't clinically sane, I would run straight for the exit door.

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