Guy expected sex on third date after two slightly confusing dates?

I met a guy online, we chatted and he seemed nice but I initially turned down a date because he has children (I don't want them). However we decided to meet up as friends. It went really well, felt like a date and we had an awkward hug/small kiss at the end due to us not knowing what was happening. Second meet up/hangout (his words) was at my flat a week later. I cooked, we chatted and had a laugh but neither of us made any move and I thought it was possibly heading towards friendship. When he left he kissed me beside my mouth and gave me a really long, tight hug. We met up a few days later where we went out for dinner then came back to mine to hangout. Still nothing had happened by this point, although he paid for dinner (despite my insistence that I could pay my half). We randomly got to talking about dating in general and started talking about us. He said he'd wanted to kiss me at various points but wasn't sure and I said it would have been OK. So we ended up having a kiss but he immediately started feeling me up - I said it was too soon. We chatted for a while then he decided to go... then hesitated and asked point blank if we were definitely not having sex that night. I was taken aback and said no and that I wasn't interested in a hookup, fling or a one night stand to which he said it wouldn't be a one time thing. Anyway, he left, sent me a message when he got home which was as normal and then a couple over the next few days. He sees his kids at the weekends so I only text him when he texts me. I'm a little confused by the situation. He'd spent the third evening telling me he was terrible at asking people out etc - which I could see from his hesitation in making a move to kiss me. I also appreciate that I may have been giving mixed signals from my original 'no' and natural shyness in making a move myself. I don't do 'rules' and have sex when I feel comfortable with the other person, whenever that is. He's 41 and I'm 32. What do you make of this?

Updates:
1mo I'm now getting the slow fade for not putting out... At least I found out now and not afterwards!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally I think its kinda crazy to expect sex after just 3 dates, but then again I never technically dated. But I do that also anyway, just take my time, whenever I get comfy with someone or they get comfy for me. I always let the ladies do the first step like that, which suited me fine since yeah I take a while myself anyway. Dont easily let people close. In either case, not sure what to make of the guy, he sounds awkward really, so he might be rusty, dosent make him a bad person or anything but at least in my opinion that he would expect sex after 3 dates is yeah, a bit much, or I dont know. Maybe he thought you felt that way or meant that way so he just asked to make sure or check cause yeah again, he's kinda awkward.

    Meant to ask how long been between dates, but re-read and yeah jeez, dosent sound like been long really. I would regardless suggest that you just take ur time, and maybe also try to make up ur mind if u wanna try with this guy or not. Since if you kissed him and all, well thats not like a turn down, so naturally he would think or assume it would progress. Dont let him or society pressure you into any fictional point where you are supposed to give in anyway. Just be you, just get comfortable first, take whatever time you need. If it dosent work out that way its already not meant to be anyway. Only thing people should worry about when comes to taking their time is fear, if they delay things cause of fear. Fear should never be the ruler, as long as it dosent rule, no worries. Do what you think is best for yourself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • he is a fuck boy and you're too good for him. block his number and move on. he won't treat you the way you deserve

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What Guys Said 5

  • there is a popular notion that the 3rd date is the sex date among seasoned daters (although certainly not a rule).

    i think he was just subscribing to that notion since there wasn't a ton of initmacy going on at that point to suggest sex was definitely on the cards

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  • Eh, he just sounds really awkward and not sure of himself. I think he saw something that wasn't there as in a green light signal from you or he is a meat head and was going along with the ol' "3rd date tradition" of sex.

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  • bummer. having kids doesn't make any formula possible

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  • some guys believe in the 3rd date rule.. no sex by 3rd date or there will be no 4th.

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  • He sounds like how I am, I usually think third date is ok for sex but will go a few more if I want it to be an on going thing and not a hook up or it would have been the first date , but anyway why would it be a problem him having kids like I do? They live with their mom and just like him I see them once on the week ends

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What Girls Said 0

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