Girls, have you ever dated a guy with depression?

If so, what were the main struggles of that relationship?
How did you overcome any feelings of confusion if the guy seemed distant/un-affectionate?
How did you communicate?
Did you end things? If so, why?
Have you chosen to stay with him, if so, why?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, actually never. I'm assumingn you are? People that have depression really can't think straight because they are in a gloom and in a fog. Please know it's not your fault or your boyfriend, just that depression. Is he in therapy? If he is, why don't you tag along too? I mean, even if he doesn't feel comfortable for u to be in the meeting maybe you can wait in the waiting room. That way you're still showing support. I fee as though that will help you communicate better as well. Because you're breaking down that wall that everyone tries to shield each other with. The only time it's absolutely nessary to end things is: you've tried it all. Example, therapy, medication, working it out and there is no results. And two, he or she is abusive mentally/physically. I wish you guys both of best of luck. I don't know what it's like to be with a guy with depression. I have depression myself, but usually therapy and support has helped greatly. If you need more advice don't hesitate to pm or something!

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What Girls Said 19

  • Yes and I think whether or not it works depends on his attitude.
    Some people with depression want to be happy, they look for ways to become happy, they get on with life and seek professional help at the same time. Life with a person like that would be pretty normal. Yes you may be a shoulder to lean on occasionally but thats prob ok.

    The other type of person is the attention seeking depressed person. They won't seek medical treatment but then act like a dickhead and blame the depression. They put the whole "poor me" act on and they expect you to do anything for them because they have depression. They usually do not make an effort to overcome it and they expect partners or friends to do it for them. This would make for a shitty relationship.

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  • My current lover went through this, and I dealt with it by making him acknowledge it, and by acknowledging that our relationship was being impacted by it. I was blunt and honest, because it was still the early stages of our relationship and the last thing I wanted was things to go south now. We talked it out, I gave him my best advice and motivated him and we got through it together.

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    • 1mo

      Thanks for the opinion; I'm dating someone with depression and he's had it for years. He's taking medication and going to therapy but he's changed so much since we started going out. I've told him I have to initiate most of the affection - not to blame him - and that I understand why, because he's going through a bad phase with the depression. Even though I understand the reasons, it's hard not to take it personally and pushed away :(

  • yes, i did.

    -main struggles? he refused all help, craved validation, and partied like a hell-raising bachelor, would get in my face when he was drunk. that, and i was going through my own shit at the time, so i had to be strong for both of us.

    -communication? i tried. nothing i could say would stick, and so i just stopped saying anything at all.

    -did i end it? yes.

    why?

    a friend of mine committed suicide, after which the guy made an extremely insensitive comment that implied i would kill myself if he broke up with me. things had been bad for a while, but that comment (plus the constant drinking and picking up random women to "validate" himself) gave me the courage i needed to 1) realize that my needs mattered too, and 2) kick him to the curb because i deserved better.

    this guy was basically the type #2 that @maddie933 described in her post. so i'm glad to be rid of him (sounds cruel, but it's true) #sorrynotsorry

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  • I haven't dated him, but he is my best male friend for the last 32 years. I would like to answer your questions if I may:

    He struggled with communication in his marriage, he became withdrawn
    His first wife left, and second one cheated ( very bad situation)
    He gets so withdrawn when his depression becomes severe, he is now getting some medical help with medication, because more and more people are realizing this is a disease, and a true problem for those that suffer

    He is just my friend, and I will always be here for him , but I have to admit, he exhibits some bizarre behavior sometimes, and I just give him his space, and check on him when I know he is in the "heat of his battle" Best of Luck

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  • First of all let me congratulate you on getting informed regarding this issue and give you a virtual cookie (LOL).
    The reason why I emphasize your good choice is that I have been the one with depression in my relationship for 2 years and unfortunately, my partner took too long a time to actually learn what it is and how to help your partner with it, and just felt sorry for himself, making me feel like a burden.
    The primary thing is to encourage them to get professional help. Second, they need empathy and love. They might act like it makes no difference to them but it does, oh it does. I always openly showed appreciation for anyone┬┤s support for me during my condition. But I also have a close friend who has been struggling with it and he never admits it, but my praises and my affection and ongoing cheering of him made him care about me more than any depressed human being can care about anything, really. I knew this because of my own issues and proceeded to help someone else, which also helped me. Third, do not give up on them or make them feel like a burden, that is the worst. Even when you suggest them getting help, do not phrase it in any way that might sound like 'you need to get help because I can not handle your situation anymore'.
    Hope this helped!

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  • Nope!! And wouldn't like to. I don't like to deal with depressed people.. Cause it rubs off... Eh! Stay away with your sadness from me!! Come back when you're happy!! 😁!!

    I can only try so much to make someone happy and try to help... But if they don't accept the help or and don't help themselves and want to persists in the depression state of mind, then I do not want to deal with it, because it becomes very annoying!! And can make me mad and depressed and stressed... So I rather not deal with such people ! 🙅🏼!!

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  • Yep! The guy was incredible depressed and also struggled with paranoia (which he could not see himself). It was horrible, and it ended our relationship. Because there was no room for me to be sad ever, because then I drew the attention away from him. Also he could plan a date with me and then suddenly feel too depressed to go out, while I was sitting at home waiting for him. Had I been less needy it might would have worked out, cause then I could have stepped back and let him heal a little bit without me, but I was too in love and wanted to see him as much as I could.

    I take it that you are in love with someone who is depressed?

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    • 1mo

      I'm dating someone yeah, and he's taking meds to control it. It's only been a few months. I care for him, and I'm trying to understand about it all but its really hard. He used to be really affectionate at the start, and now I have to initiate almost everything. I've told him this (not to blame him) but it's hard being the strong one all the time. Most of the time he's really upbeat, next he'll be the grumpiest person ever. He's never been horrible to me... yet. I don't know how I truly feels about me right now.

    • 1mo

      *don't know what he truly feels about me right now.

    • 1mo

      Well it is true that some of the behavior often is because the depression is "taking over", and that he maybe wishes a lot that he was nicer to you, but can't help it.
      But if it is very hard for you, so hard that it effects your happiness, then I think you should weigh up what is best for you😰

  • Yes, and I'm like brutally honest, so he'll kinda take it the wrong way, and he was always afraid that I'll leave, he would always apologize for no reason, the fact that he felt so empty made me want to give him my heart, one day he was really really down , and I told him that if I could I would give him my heart, and he said that he didn't want to make me feel the same way he feels, and I told him the most serious thing I've ever said in my entire life " I don't need it " , till this day I can say, I loved him so much, but I guess he's happy and with someone better, and I guess I wasn't enough

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  • If you're having a hard time trying to come to terms on whether or not you should stay with your boyfriend over his depression, then you really should put yourself first in this situation (as difficult as it will be).

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  • Yes and it was miserable. I have depression myself, but my ex took it to another level. We never went anywhere, only stayed in at his house, never complimented, told me he never would, and he was just mean and nasty, especially when I didn't have sex with him every time he asked.

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  • I have experience with guys who have had past depression. Sometimes it trys to crawl back in, but he's managed. Its all about them having a support system that will listen to there problems and encourage them with their goals. At the end of the day, he will do what makes him happy and so will I. I fully support him

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  • Yes, he also had anxiety issues around intimacy so it was an absolute nightmare. He'd regularly drunk text me at 2am asking me to come over yet refuse to ever take me on a proper date. He'd pour his heart out to me about emotional matters (I was the only person he'd ever open up to) yet reject any advances I made to kiss him etc. Eventually he ended things in a nasty way, telling me I wasn't good enough for him and he could get a hotter girl (despite the fact he would be a lower number than me when it comes to looks). He didn't want to tell his friends about his depression so he blamed the break up on me being "really needy" 😂 Overall it was a terrible experience which has left me feeling afraid and uncomfortable about relationships

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  • I have and I couldn't handle it. He was always in a bad mood and i loved him but after a while it began to take a toll on me.

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  • nope but I had talked to one and it left me in stress

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  • i AM the person with depression. XD
    And no, because that guy was an ass. so i dumped him. (yes only one relationship so far because i'm like 5 compared to y'all)

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  • No, and I don't want to.

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  • No I haven't but I'd try to help him if I did

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  • I think the best advice i can give you sweetheart is to be patient with him and just shower him with love and understanding

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  • Not me, but my best friend, and she married him. Unfortunately it's ending in divorce now. I can totally vouch for her that she tried every thing she could to help him and their relationship... counseling, giving him space, suggesting medication, friend and family intervention... and nothing worked. They either weren't communicating at all or they were fighting, and there was no in between.

    It was so hard to watch, because I love both of them, but even as a friend, there was no getting through to him, and so many of us tried not to give up on him because of that love. Now he lives alone, barely takes care of himself. It's just a sad situation all the way round.

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