To cut the long story short basically I have been in a relationship for almost 11 years he is muslim I'm not. He always said he would choose me marry me and be with me. He has asked me to convert and everything before but i feel that isn't for me and why should I change. My family are not keen on him and i haven't been invited to his house but I have met his family briefly a few years ago. Up until a few weeks ago we were fine but now he says we have to break up and when shall we do it like there's a time limit. I'm really heartbroken and feel used to be honest even though its been 11 years. So he gave me 3 options: 1) Get married convert move into his parents house with him live there look after his parents etc 2) Don't convert don't do anything move into a house with him and live there whilst he would be married to some muslim girl that would live at his parents house looking after them 3) Break up! I think he is being serious as we have discussed this before but never acted upon it. I do love him and I know he does too but now I'm questioning how can he love me if he is willing to leave me for the sake of religion and culture its so cowardly. So what are your thoughts, honest opinions please.
Most Helpful Guy
BREAK THE FUCK UP! I am sorry that you "wasted" 11 years of your life but they were not a waste because you will have learned many valuable lessons from this. However, his being a Muslim is an instant red flag for any woman who is not Muslim. Unless he is a non-practicing Muslim (very few of those - mostly in Turkey), he was bound to family and the religion and, you being the woman, had to be subservient. The situation you are in was easily foreseeable but, sadly, you were too close to realize all the signs all of these years.
Anyway, he will not change and if you attempt to change for him, you will be miserable - and may get your head cut-off in an honor killing - so it is best to move on and find a man who is willing to let you be you.
DON'T EVER FORGET: The greatest key to happiness is to know yourself and whenever you attempt to change from who you really are, you will be miserable in the long run. If you change to make a relationship work, you will become sad and angry and, either way, the relationship will fail, so know yourself well enough and be mature enough to detect and say "No" to relationships in which you must change.1
Most Helpful Girl
As a fellow grown, non-Muslim woman who spent years involved with a Muslim man, I'd advise you to back away from this situation. Gather all the insight, wisdom, and valuable lessons you've learned from these past eleven years and move forward away from this man.
First of all, outside of religion, his demanding, pushy ultimate is absolutely unacceptable from a man who's supposed to love you. It's downright manipulative, controlling, and the tip of the iceberg for many more situations and moments to come should you choose to keep a guy like that in your life. Not only is his ultimatum utterly ridiculous, totally inconsiderate towards your feelings and the lifestyle you'd like to experience, but it's beyond disrespectful of you and the basic rights you should have as a wife or even just a woman who holds an important place in his life.
Secondly, you do have a point when it comes to the fact that he's so willingly ready to drop you, leave you, and abandon the relationship for the sake of his religion and culture. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who's so spineless? Is that really the type of life partner you want by your side? Someone who will treat you like you are disposable or be willing to decrease the amount of respect he should be showing you as the guy who's supposed to love you? You deserve better, girl.
Lastly, this relationship will not work if you are not willing to convert to Islam. I too was not willing to convert to Islam and I think it is a very selfish request for a Muslim man to ask you to leave behind your own independent belief system and take his or expect you to impose his beliefs onto your children in the future. The relationship is not going to work and this religious difference is always going to be a bump in the road. So, in the future, it really is better to just not even get involved with someone who's of a different religion because a belief system is powerful enough to cause major problems. He clearly lied when he said all of those sweet nothings about never leaving you. Take what you learned rom this experience and move on with your life. I guarantee there is a better man out there waiting for you to find him...1