Why Is Sex A Deal Breaker For Most Men When They Claim That's Not All They Want?


Why Is Sex A Deal Breaker For Most Men When They Claim That's Not All They Want?
I'm serious. I actually pointed this out on someone else's question and so now I'm asking the male community with female input. A lot of guys, especially on here, claim that they don't just want sex from a woman and most women are wrong to think that, yet, for some reason, sex is almost always a deal breaker. And I've seen guys on here on various questions and Takes say this. Guys claim they want a good woman and it seems that even if they find one, if she's not going to have sex with you and wants to wait a while, then you leave. Like, she'll make you dinner, rub your shoulders, spend time with you, be great all around, but if you don't have sex, you leave. Well, most men will, not all.


So... if you aren't wanting a woman just for sex, why is that almost always a deal breaker?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • deal breaker in what way?

    I don't just date a girl for her looks but that doesn't mean that looks don't matter at all. And it's the same with sex. I'm willing to wait until she feels ready but I'm not the type of guy who likes to wait until marriage and we need to be sexually compatible.

    So no, I definitely don't want just sex from a girl but it's an important thing in a long term relationship, so it's not like it doesn't matter at all and I don't give a fuck if I'll ever have it and once it happens, what we do.

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    • 2mo

      Like you'll dump her if she doesn't have sex with you until she's ready, which for a lot of girls could be months or even years.

      I've had a couple guys turn me down because I'm not going to have sex with them for at least several months. My ex actually got mad because I made the exception with him and had sex with him in 2 weeks and even said that was too long, but he'll swear up and down he doesn't just want sex. Yet, men can't seem to wait to get any or a lot them can't anyway.

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    • 2mo

      I don't know what would be holding her back though I can understand why you'd ask that. I usually wait several months and could go up to a year, but a lot of girls just want to make sure that you're the one and they aren't just giving it to someone who doesn't see a future with them and by future, I mean marriage. But I can't think of any other reason why she wouldn't want to. It's that or she's paranoid about getting pregnant or something.

    • 1mo

      thanks for MHO :P

Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, these blue answers you're getting are confusing. They say they want more than sex but aren't willing to wait until she's ready for sex, but feel like she doesn't love them if she doesn't put out soon (because love = physical relations I guess). Therefore having no sex is the deal breaker that drives them away because the relationship doesn't feel like a real relationship.

    So in other words, introducing sex into the relationship has to be acted on male terms or there is no relationship at all. Interesting.

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    • 2mo

      There is a relationship. It just isn't a sexual relationship, since sex is kind of what defines that. And given that she's explicitly said that "I don't care about sex one way or the other. I'm not sure why I don't, but usually I have sex with the guy because it's something he needs, not me"- that, in addition to stating that it "doesn't matter, she's not ready when you're ready and she won't be any time soon"- one can infer that she's either an asexual or someone who derives pleasure and power from denying men intimacy. If you know that someone's never going to be ready, and that he/she sees intimacy as a tedious chore, then how can you possibly feel loved by that person? Isn't that the time to say peace and go your separate ways? If it were waiting until she's ready, then it'd be fine. But she isn't ever ready, and never has been- she's only willing to do it begrudgingly to shut men up and secure their assets. THAT's what drives them away.

    • 2mo

      @SinghSong Even though I don't fully agree with you, I appreciate your detailed answer which makes more sense than anything else I've read here. Thank you for your contribution. It was informative.

    • 2mo

      I feel like if a woman thinks sex is taboo, she is immature. She's still in that phase in life where all she does is fall for fuckboys repeatedly. I'm not going to be the first guy to come along and pick up the broken pieces that the fuckboy shattered. We aren't stupid, we know you fucked that fuckboy on day one. And the next one too, and next like 10 guys you had sex with, they all used you because they are players, they have no value in life besides knowing how to push a womans buttons to get her to come home, and you got your buttons pushed.

      Then you finally come to us, the regular guys, You are broken from all the fuckboys. But you won't have sex with us, you won't let us express our true feelings, why? Because we aren't good enough for it? How come you let mr fuckboy express his "love" on day 1? But not me? I'm not worthy? I'm not good enough?

      That's how it feels anyways. I'm not saying that that is the reality of the universe. But that's how it feels.

What Guys Said 19

  • Men are NOT women - we are DIFFERENT, and we have different desires and priorities.

    Why do women care about shoes, or clothes, or their wedding ceremony? Why do they get "baby fever"? It's because they're women, and their bodies, their hormones, and their instincts are different from men's.

    For men, there is SIMPLY NO POINT in a romantic relationship that doesn't include sex. It's like a restaurant that only serves beverages, or an amusement park with no rides - there's just no point.

    That doesn't mean we don't like and value the other things that come with a relationship and romance (though, honestly, many of the things women find "romantic", men could care less about - the flowers, the cards, etc.). But without sex, those are incomplete.

    You know how most women feel about having sex WITHOUT a relationship, right? It feels like something important is missing - they feel incomplete, even used - because for women, a *relationship* is their top priority - it's what gives things meaning. It's the reverse for men - *sex* is what gives the *relationship* meaning, and without sex, the two of you are really just "friends."

    I'll drive this point home even further. Let's say men evaluated women by assigning points to her based on a number of things he finds of value, and the max score is 100 points. For most men, at least 50 of those points would be for sex, which means a woman who is willing to have sex with him will, points-wise, ALWAYS beat a woman who won't - NO MATTER WHAT ELSE SHE BRINGS TO THE RELATIONSHIP. Note that he still has 50 points of OTHER things besides sex that he values - other things DO matter too - but if you, as a woman, take sex off the table, then you'd have to deliver absolutely everything else a guy wants from a relationship PERFECTLY just to be in the same position a troll would have if she's willing to have sex with him and brings NOTHING ELSE to the table. If she scores even a single extra point, she's at 51, and she wins.

    Just look at history - do you have any idea of how many battles and wars occurred for the love of a woman? Or how many great works were made to impress a woman? Do you know how many stupid, foolish chances men have taken to impress women? Why? Because the man wanted SEX from those women.

    It's probably the single most important thing women need to know about men.

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  • I dunno- why is merely wanting to have sex a deal breaker for most women, like yourself, when they claim that it's something that they want to do as well? If you refuse to have sex with a guy for several months when you're supposedly in an exclusive relationship, then what are you? You're not a partner, or a significant other- you're a friend at most, nothing more. If you want to have nothing more than distant platonic relationships with guys for your entire life, then fine. But no man will ever want you to be his girlfriend with an attitude like that. We'll just accept that you'll probably never be ready, accept that you're an asexual who absolutely hates sex and probably only wants to have a relationship for the other perks a man will provide for you, and we'll move on, because you're giving us no choice and because life is too short. Your total lack of love and genuine affection is the deal-breaker- it doesn't make you a 'good woman', it makes you a cold and frigid person. Your approach and mentality speak volumes about your true ulterior motives. But you don't seem to understand that us men don't want to get women solely so that we can have someone to be pampered by, even if that's clearly the only reason you want a husband. We want a partner, simple as.

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    • 2mo

      Well, it's not a deal breaker for me as I don't care about sex one way or the other. I'm not sure why I don't, but usually I have sex with the guy because it's something he needs, not me. But I do wait a while for it.

      And that's your opinion. Several people, including several married couples I know, would strongly disagree with you. In fact, I do have a guy friend that won't date a woman who wants to have sex and he tells girls that the first time he meets them. He's not married, but his longest relationship was 4 years and they were great, lovey dovey, everything, messed around, just didn't actually penetrate.

    • 2mo

      So that guy's an asexual- nothing wrong with that. And from the sounds of it, you're an asexual as well. But I would never get into anything more than a platonic relationship with an asexual. You don't care about sex one way or the other, you don't feel any pleasure at all from it, and you'd only ever have sex with a guy if you feel obligated to do so- you see it as a task, a chore that you have to do solely because it's something that he needs in order to stick around instead of ditching you. As such, being in a sexual relationship with you would be a nightmare- it'd be like trying to have a monogamous relationship with a prostitute, or a robotic sex doll. I, along with most men, am NOT an asexual. And as such, we want to experience joy and passion in a relationship, to experience true love instead of merely pampering and attention. But you seem to be incapable of sexual passion. How could any man be happy in a romantic relationship with you, when he can't make you happy?

  • im tired of seeing this and i dont really want to answer but here it goes.

    sex is not the ONLY thing we want. it is ONE of the MANY things we want. when we tell you that sex is not the only thing we want, we want sex, BUT NOT ONLY SEX. when you say do you want only sex from me? then we think just penis in vagina and going in and out until orgasm... no, thats not ONLY what we want. we want a fully and complete relationship WITH sex and EVERYTHING ELSE.

    all the love, all the affection, all the intimacy, all the kisses, all the sex, all the growing closer together and bonding experiences and yadda yadda yadda. all of it.

    if you withhold sex from us we think you dont really love us. so thats why we leave, because we have self respect and we deserve better than a sexless relationship.

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    • 2mo

      Why do you see it as withholding sex like it's something you're entitled to? That's what I'm talking about lol

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    • 2mo

      @tyber1 'nobody is entitled to sex in a relationship' how can you consider it a relationship then? there is no intimacy being shared. you are just being exclusive friends, there is no relationship.

    • 2mo

      I said nobody is entitled to sex. A girl can deny a guy sex in a relationship. But if it's a regular thing then the guy has every right to walk away instead of wasting his time and energy on her. If he doesn't then that's on him.

  • I have done that... wait and waited, I've dated girls with no sex. I dated long term with little to no sex because we stopped on religious grounds. Honestly the girl is the one that wants sex (intimacy) at my age, so the guys don't need to push anything, they just need to show up. At your age and younger, that is different.

    That said, it is work to not have sex. Our bodies want to mate... it is a drive! As Christian I dated a girl for long time without sex. Trouble is she wants to get intimate, really deep kissing and closeness, etc. . etc.. well for a guy, that can quickly turn into torture if we get stimulated too much. then we have pain for hours. So you have to each understand that and not go too far, all the while mainting connection so relationship is sustained and grows. Sex is an aspect of bonding.

    So, as long as you both do the work, it isn't an issue, for me. I'm not typical though. Now at 2x, 3x age, the guys are feeling a stronger sex drive and it may be difficult to hold back. The guy has other options out there, and guess what... there are are a lot of easy women out there. So if he has social value, he can get someone else that offers what his body is screaming for. In this sense, you can take your girlfriends out to lunch and slap them all in the face for screwing you over... because they have... whether they dated your specific boyfriend or not. And tell them to stay in line and offer no sex to any guy until they get a ring on their finger. you go girl, I support you!

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  • I don't want a woman just for sex
    I don't want a woman just to talk to
    I don't want a woman just to be affectionate
    I don't want a woman just to share my life with
    I don't want a woman just to be my best friend.

    But I do want all those things.

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  • Men are more physical instead of verbal. We need actual physical affection, including sex, in order to feel as if we're expressing and receiving love. There are emotions and feelings and desires we can ONLY experience through the physical act of making love. I know it's easier to just believe that we're all mindless horndogs who're only ever thinking about ONE THING! But in my opinion, male sexuality is a lot more complicated than that and you'll never understand it if you don't understand how much of male thinking and emotions is tied in with our physicality. When children first learn to read, boys' leg muscles twitch when they learn the word "run." We're much more physical thinkers, and much more physical feelers as well.

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  • Why is hard for women to find a middle ground in a man's word?
    Like seriously, is it THAT hard to realize that just because you don't want ONLY sex doesn't mean you want NO sex

    It's like you're under the belief that either we want you for your mind OR your body. Why not both? Is it impossible for women to do, be down to earth and intelligent, and want to bone a few times a week.

    Unless there's something physically keeping you from having sex, A relationship without sex is a friendship. Period

    It's not hard to understand that people want sex, but not JUST sex

    For me personally, if she's a great person who I love being around and also contributes financially, I can hold off on sex

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    • 2mo

      Well, I didn't say no sex, either. I said she want to wait until she's ready.

    • 2mo

      Then unless she's a hell of a person, it's just a friendship.

      Sex is part of a relationship.

      The only difference between a friendship and a relationship is intimacy, which is why men won't go for it. Why would you wine and dine, get anniversary and big birthday gifts, get stuff for Valentine's Day, when we're no different from being friends?

      You have to be a hell of a person if you want a relationship without sex, even for a short waiting time

      What will you bring to the table if not sex? That's the question men ask and, as backed up by your responses to those questions, it's just not worth it

  • Its certainly not all I want, but it is pretty high on the list that's for sure. Its an important part of a relationship other wise your just friends at that point. Its fine to wait and make sure your relationship isn't revolving around lust, but it will start to get frustrating after awhile.

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  • I mean, I think a lot of guys are willing to "wait" a few months into a relationship most likely... if it's longer than that, then why is the relationship even happening though? Why is this even a question? If it's been a year or more and you aren't "ready" for sex, then JUST MAYBE you're with the wrong person, are asexual, or have emotional issues that you should see a therapist for...

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  • "Wait a while" ... what is a while? 1 week? 1 month? 1 year?

    It's not about wanting a woman JUST for sex, but sex IS an integral part of what a relationship is (to most guys).

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    • 2mo

      Doesn't matter, she's not ready when you're ready and she won't be any time soon. A while can vary from person to person. She's not saying she'll never have sex with you, just not as soon as you feel like she needs to.

    • 2mo

      Yeah then that'd be a fairly big thing to overlook because of my 2nd point.

  • Because they know that if sex is not involved at some point the relationship will not last.

    Also, have you ever told a woman know to sex. The freak the f out. Much stronger reaction then men.

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  • Being used up by fuckboys does not = all men only want sex. I think the reality is fuckboys are ruining it for everyone. Thanks a lot assholes.

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  • Well it's part of the package and while I am About as far away from Being an expert as is possible here , what I see and hear from other men is that it is the most important component of the package. Sorry ladies but I think men want it more than you do so you have to understand that a sexless relationship will put tremendous strain on the gentleman

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  • You are right. Some men start by saying that they are not much interested in sex at least at the beginning of their relationship. But when the develop closeness with their partner their inner desires for sex tend to show up. They go even to a point , that if the girl can't satisfy her sexual pleasure , he is ready to leave her for good. The reason is due to the fact that most girls are ready to make a sacrifice by offering sex to keep their relationship alive.

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  • There's a difference between wanting JUST something... and wanting something. I wouldn't be in a relationship JUST for sex... but sex is part of my relationships, so yes... I fully expect it to be on the table.

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  • Just because sex isn't the only thing doesn't mean its not a very very important thing.

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  • Because I don't want a sexless relationship. I'll wait but not years. It's not the most important thing in the world but if women demand their needs to be met then so should men.

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  • Sex is necessary but not sufficient.

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  • For me it's the other part of the package... Barr holds none !!

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    • 2mo

      A non sexual relationship is so f... n out of the question. What on earth are we endlessly waiting for other wise ?

What Girls Said 3

  • "if you aren't wanting a woman just for sex"
    question seems twisted.

    complete healthy relationship includes love making. otherwise, its a friendship that you are investing emotions in w/o knowing if it will ever be a full circle. eventually, one partner will feel rensentful.

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    • 2mo

      Well, it's not twisted.

      That's not true, several people wait until marriage and many of my friends who are married waited until they were married. One of my friends who used to be my manager was a virgin and so was his wife until they were married and they were together for 7 years before being married, so that's a bit of a misconception.

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    • 2mo

      There has to be a desire in both partnera to wait until after marriage for that to work. If only one wants to wait it will not work.

    • 2mo

      @tyber1 agree... Hard to find both agree. Usually the girl wants to wait. The guy goes along... Not all cases.
      I am not suggesting to give off free sex.
      I am standing on the sidr that love making/sexual connection is part of a romantic relationship.

  • I'd assume fear that she has no sexual interest in him. In which case, there's no point in a romantic relationship because it's more than friendship.

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  • Yeh you're right. The last guy I dated told me from the start that sex was important to him. Things didn't work out between us in the end but I wish more guys were honest and upfront like that.

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    • 2mo

      I only had one guy be upfront like that. But I can't tell you how many guys say they don't want just sex from me but when they find out by like... date 4 I'm still giving them any, they peace out.

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    • 2mo

      You didn't, Elarra. But you said that you always make guys wait for several months, regardless of how close you are. And you also stated that you don't derive any pleasure from sex whatsoever- you're an asexual, and you only have sex with guys because you feel that it's something they need. If no guy on earth's humanly capable of even arousing you in the slightest, if you're incapable of enjoying physical intimacy, then why would he want to be your boyfriend? And more importantly, why do you even want a boyfriend at all? What do you want from us that you couldn't get either from any platonic friend, a paid service or a pet? What can we offer you?

    • 2mo

      Date 4 and still nothing? You're 26 not 16, and it's not the 80s anymore. Men and women have sex early on nowadays, if you aren't interested in having it early then look for guys that are like that, don't try to stretch out a guy's patience. It's just like the women that want to wait until marriage and say they'll have sex then. If you can put it off for so long, then you just ain't interested in me, no point in going on date 5 with a woman like that.

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