Why haven't I ever been asked out?

First of all, sorry for the length. So (not to be racist here) I'm a black girl, and I go to a white high school. I've always been know as the good girl since I was young. Apparently everyone likes me and I'm always having my butt commented on because it's huge lol. I'm outgoing, genuinely friendly, I consider myself intelligent, I act, sing, play an instrument, do track and field, and I'm a passionate lover mainly hip hop and contemporary dance which is also an activity I'm involved in. I don't know if it's because I'm not pretty or something even though people tell me I'm not. I'm not allowed to wear make up and really go to parties and such so that's why I've been told I can't ever get a relationship but I don't know. My friends also say it's because I'm in a white school ( again not being racist) and they said if I went to a black school I could get whoever I wanted. I just wanted some opinions.

Updates:
2mo I forgot to say this- I do socialize with guys in school, at games, and dances and such. I have a lot of guy friends but no ask outs.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it might have to do with being in a white school but not because of racism but because of fear. It's hard enough asking your own race out but to cross racial black/white lines is even harder. Most are afraid of rejection which is why it's so hard but most think the chance of rejection is a given when asking out a different race

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, I have a feeling it's the environment, and even if the guys were interested in you, they are either too nervous to approach you (becuase many white guys have said that black women aren't even interested in dating outside their race according to their experiences in approaching black women), or he's a coward or ashamed of approaching you because he's very restricted to the peer pressure of what his peers will have to say about it. I mean, you just never know what a person thinks of you. My sister has dated a white man for 10 years, and I spoke with future-brother in law about his experiences with black women. He said he almost dated one in school, but his father said something like "If you date a N**ger, My hand will go across your face" Something like that. SO, you also have pressure of parents who instill certain things into their kids. I admire the man my sister is dating becuase he's amazing!

    But here's the thing, you're in high school. You're not done growing yet. So, cut some slack on how you look. I never dated in high school, but once I got into my twenties and started taking care of myself the guys flocked to me a little more. A white guy did ask me out and he wasn't ashamed. Took me out to eat and everything. Mexican men looked at me a lot. So, i mean... when you're that high school age, you're going to look goofy sometimes.

    Don't worry about the makeup. That shouldn't determine how pretty you are anyway. Honestly, I think somebody like you would be great around a mixed group of people, and that way, it may not be such a pressuring environment for people to approach you more. Maybe when you age and mature a little more, and have more control over your life, you can venture out to all sorts of places and let yourself be seen.

    But to an all or mostly white dominated school, I wouldn't expect it.

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What Guys Said 14

  • They could be intimidated by you. Not because you're black but rather because of all the things you listed that you do. A lot of guys would just assume you're out of their league and take it as a loss before even trying. The not going to parties thing may also have an impact as that is where a lot of people first meet and relationships start. If you go to university it'll become a lot easier for you to meet guys.

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  • I really can't answer that. Just because you go to a white school won't stop you from being asked out. White guys think black women are attractive as well as other races.
    I tend to think it's because you may not be sociable - I. e. not going to the parties and such. You know the social scene in high school is a big deal and that probably is impacting your dating prospects.
    I know this won't mean anything to you but try not to fret over it. The right person will come calling soon.

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  • If your butt is like Kim Kardashian , people will know you because they like Kim. Take advantage of that fact. Know that all the time you don't stay in the school. When you come home , make friends with people of your own community. try to be friendly with everyone even if they don't show their love towards you. study well , have good hobbies and be like able always.. Some day some person who will like you for who you are will come and be friendly with you.

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  • A lot of white guys don't know black girls would date them. This big turn happened in the last five years, and some haven't caught up. You sound decent if you're in track, so try asking one of the single guys to hang out sometime. Let him ask to go out if it goes well.

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    • 2mo

      We really won't unless their is a black girl who specifically doesn't date white guys lol

    • 2mo

      Say again?

    • 2mo

      Sorry wrong one

  • Asking out someone is VERY intimidating, especially if the person is very attractive to them. If you want to get anything done, ask out guys.

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  • talk to guys a little bit more, one of them bound to buge.

    I remember 1 week of middle school it's was prodmatinaly white school. and i went up to the water fountain and these two guys stopped me and said "we don't like your kind around here mexican" and to this day i still think about it.

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  • Maybe white guys like you as a friend, so why don't you talk to other people.

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    • 2mo

      I talk to all types of people, I'm just in a majority white school, so it's not much of a variety.

  • PoorCollegeStudent might have a point if you're pretty and are involved in almost every sport and activity then most guys (young guys) fabricate some bs about you being out of their league...

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  • I'm sure someone is in your destiny
    Do not care about such things
    You will have someone
    But in the other hand maybe you should be glad you haven't met with any
    Bc it's better not to have one who could brought trouble

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  • I've ever been asked out either. But I have to do that shit, and I'm too much of a pussy to do so

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  • yes they are partly right
    so you will be excluded by certain kids

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  • If there white, most of us think if we ask a black female out you will laugh at us.

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  • The fact that you start off your question with "(not to be racist here)" is the biggest clue that this is a race baiting question. People of your generation in most parts of the U. S.---including the Deep South don't give a shit anymore. Interracial dating is the norm...

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  • Well if you're not pretty than white guys won't approach anyway at your age group since they are pickier when going for a. black girl , you would need something that stands out in your situation

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What Girls Said 4

  • Try asking guys out. And no it's. It because you are black. White guys love black girls so don't be coming up with excuses.

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  • You need to relax hun. I've been in that insecure state before. You've got a big butt, that alone will do wonders for you (I'm jealous). Do some basic make up application, eat healthy, work with what you got and act confident. That should do wonders for you.

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  • For myself, I wasn't asked out in high school at all (including formals, prom, etc.) and I wasn't really known for anything other than my "weird" hobbies. People said that I was pretty, but again, no one ever asked me out, so I don't think that really meant anything. I just started freshman year in college and I've had someone ask me out on the second day and two (maybe three) more people who obviously like me. Race was honestly not a factor at all since I think diversity stayed around the same in high school and college. I think the setting's just a bit different, so give it some time!

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  • You may socialize with guys, but do you actually try to flirt with them?

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    • 2mo

      I've been told by people I''m a natural flirt even though I don't see it lol.

    • 2mo

      Sounds like my friend @txdiie. She don't think she's a natural flirt either.

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