My boyfriend doesn't want kids EVER, am I wasting my time?

Pretty self explanatory, but little background we've only been together a few months but am I wasting my time? I dont see having kids with him anytime soon at all but whats the point if i know we dont want the same thing

Updates:
2mo Thank you everyone for all the advice, input, etc. he and I are going to talk on it tomorrow but again thank you

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Then just leave him already. Different people have different life goals and perceptions of the world and reality altogether. There's no point in hanging around him and expect him to change because he doesn't have the same goals and outlook of this world and reality as you do. You can't change him or force him to change, he has to want to change, in which you have absolutely No Control over. You can try and try and try your best to persuade him to change his views and outlooks as to why he wouldn't want kids, but if it doesn't work, then it's clear that you two are completely on different pages. The reality is that children are NOT for everyone and not everyone wants to become a parent nor should they become parent.

    You've only been together for a few months, meaning you've only invested a few months worth of emotions and time. Therefore starting completely over isn't nearly as difficult compared to being together for years and then realizing recently that an important life goal of yours are not the same coming from your significant other.

    Was he blunt about this from the beginning? Or when did he bring up that kids are not for him fairly recently?

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    • 2mo

      I was under the impression he loved kids and wanted them someday. Part of that was me assuming though. He's great with them and loves his little cousin to bits and he said he "saw a future with me", to me future means marriage, kids, etc. not dating forever. The hard thing is we've been really into each other for several years and loved each other the last year and a half, but just started dating.

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    • 1mo

      Thanks for MHO!

      Have you made your decision? Did you leave him or decide to stay with him?

    • 1mo

      There were some other stresses in the relationship and he wasn't putting in any effort so we ended up splitting. Shockingly I'm a lot happier now lol thank you for your advice though :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't want the same thing, end it now. Love is not enough, especially if your looking to get married. You have to be on the same page and want similar or the same thing. Somebody who wants to share that dream with you, not put you down or sabotage your future. If he isn't open minded to children, then your wasting your time. Overall if you have no plans for children now, then don't worry about that. By the time you get married is when you need to really think on it. But I wouldn't suggest you risk having sex with him for him to say that. It means he doesn't want to be responsible for children. So unless he proves otherwise, forget it.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Exactly what's the point?
    He's firm in the idea he doesn't want them and you do. End it and move on you both want different things. There is no tragedy ending things here - the tragedy would be staying together and hoping he'll change his mind then resenting him when he doesn't

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  • If you want kids, and he doesn't, then you gotta break up, cause there's no point on dating if you know you're gonna break up in the future.

    I wouldn't date a woman who doesn't want kids.

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  • If you want kids, then yes you are wasting your time

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  • Yes, you are wasting your time if you don't want the same things.

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  • Sometimes peoplenafter a couple of years of boyfriend and girlfriend fun change thier minds. If the attitude hardens or doesn't mellow then you would have to leave him. I don't know how long you have been together. ifnits not that long then you are still at the races.

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  • Well if he is young maybe he will change his mind later... But it's really 50-50... You should talk to him

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  • I don't recommend continuing the relationship if you want kids and he doesn't. He might change his mind, but probably not. You've been warned though, don't get mad if you waste perfectly good child bearing years on him.

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  • No shit... you know the answer but still stay and then a couple of years down the road you'll be blaming him...

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  • I never want kids ever myself, and if she knew she did, i know that eventually she would break up to start a family. understandable be I dont think it would be wasting time. If your happy now, why ruin it early.

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  • Yes you are.

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  • If both of you don't want the same thing then the options you have if to live with and get whag you don't want or look for someone where you would have what you want and what he wants... I mean who doesn' want to have any kids. Lame.

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  • How old is he?

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    • 2mo

      we're both 19, and I said we're in no position anytime soon and its not something i want for several more years but he's saying no kids ever, at all, thats the end of it.

    • 2mo

      Give him a bit more time

    • 2mo

      I dont want to waste my time though or his if we dont want the same thing in the long run

  • wanting kids is not the reason to fall in love. most guys dont want kids.

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What Girls Said 5

  • If you know you want kids in the future and he knows he doesn't, then yes, you're wasting your time. Children aren't something you can compromise on and eventually, you will have to make a decision on what to do.

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  • probably if your goal is to further the human population.

    (we'reoverpopulatedbythewayjustthrowingthatoutthere)

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  • Yes, you are.

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  • Well, do you love him or is his ability to reproduce more important?

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    • 2mo

      Him, we've been friends for two years and it just came up today during conversation and I'm very conflicted because i really do love him

  • He could possibly change his mind, especially if he is within your same age group. But keep listening to what he tells you, and if he's not budging at all, eventually you should move on and find someone who wants what you want. Personally, if I knew for sure that a guy was never going to want to have kids, then I wouldn't date him. But I'd have to be positive that this was the case, especially if I really liked him.

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