Why doesn't he ask me out for a date?

I got to know this guy in March this year. He's a waiter at a very exclusive restaurant I go to when I'm on vacation. We've been texting a bit and this summer I came back to his city. Me and my friends were sure that he'd invite me for a date.

His behaviour was obvious: Always smiling, searching for contact and every evening he wrote me messages. He's rather a shy guy. To make it easier for him to ask me out I dropped some hints and gave him good opportunities. But nothing came back. So I returned home and wrote him after some days a message he didn't reply to. I wrote that I was still waiting for the cake he promised to me (it was quite a humorous little message).

I had some theories why he didn't ask me out but from a boy's point of view it might be different. Does he feel intimitated by me? Or does he fear a long distance relationship? Or are there other reasons?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) he could have found someone else
    2) Isn't sure how much you like him. Girls can say things that guys take the wrong way. You might have said something that you thought was a green light that he took as a red. I have a long boring story of that exact think happening to me.

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    • 1mo

      Well I think number 1 might be true since we didn't write for about two months now. And for number 2: Well I'd really like to hear that "long boring" story =)

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    • 1mo

      What a misunderstanding :/ Thanks for sharing your story.

      I think I would somehow show that there are other guys and he should make a move but obviously it will turn out the other way with a shy guy. Maybe it's better to be clearer and to just ask the person out. I mean even if he says no it's something I'll get over in the end

    • 1mo

      Yes be clear.

      My big problem is that I am NOT shy, unless I meet a girl I really like. Then I am crazy shy. I am great with women I have no interest in, so girls I'm interested in get confused.

What Guys Said 4

  • His probably as shy as i was during high school haha. You're probably his dream girl help him out a little more. haha good luck

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  • What were these "hints" and "good opportunities" you gave him?

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    • 1mo

      Once I replied to something with "well you might pick me up and we go together" or I smile a lot in his presence. Or when he mentions a place he's been to I say "I'd love to see that too", in the hope he might realize he could just say "let's go together I'll show it to you".

      Maybe I'm not showing it enough? Any tips for the next time I'll see him (very soon)?

    • 1mo

      Trying to get guys to do something by dropping hints only works if the guys comfortable with going out with you and he actually wants to. If he's neither of those then he won't budge.

      You either have to be more direct or keep spinning your wheels

  • Why should he automatically like you?
    Maybe he likes someone else.
    Looks like you'll have to actually do something and ask him out instead of waiting for a man to do it for you.

    Welcome to the new world ladies: where your value drops significantly and you actually have to act equal to be equal.

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    • 1mo

      Well that might be true. I think I'll see how he behaves next time and if I feel like he's interested I'll ask him out :)

      And actually in that whole story I prefer being the weak woman behind the stove ;-)

  • just be careful with workers. they're being paid, to be nice. he probably thinks of you as a "client" and doesn't want to mess anything up for the business

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he's too shy to make the first move. Why not try asking him out? That would take some pressure off of him. And if he says yes then you know he likes you.

    Good luck!

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