Ladies and Guys: What are your boundaries on your significant other going to clubs and bars? As well as opposite sex friends?

• Your partner drinks as an outlet. Drinks about 2-3 beers before work/after work. When they go to the bar they buy another 2-3 big mugs of beers and some shots. They always drive home buzzed even after having a previous DUI. But they know how to handle their alcohol. Smokes cigarettes as well. They go to bars about 4 out of the 7 days of the week.

• Goes clubbing frequently. All their friends are single and you've only been clubbing with them once. You are all about them having fun, however they texted you they danced with a girl and to think whatever I want because I had a friend there watching him. They then added the girl on fb the next day. Tried not to let it bug me but it was weird to me.

• When not out they play video games all day. Live with their parents still at the age 25. hasn't finished school and no career plans. Just trying to pay off debts.

• They message a specific opposite sex friend on facebook a lot and they like each others posts a LOT. Every time you see their phone buzz, this persons name is always on there. I mean 3-4 days you see their name on there. You asked them who they are and they say it's their best friend however you never met this best friend. You check out the convo and they're talking about stupid things however your significant other is the one initiating all the chatter and talking all day and all night. They talk to the friend more than they talk to you.

Where do you set the boundaries of talking and entertaining the opposite sex? I'm all for having friends but if I haven't met them and you are talking all day and all night I see that as an issue. I dont talk to my opposite friends that much unless I'm asking a question or setting up a group hangout. I know my limits. My ex said this girl had a boyfriend but why is he entertaining her and sending her emojis but never to me? It's just social media and text, yeah who cares but I felt like I was on the back burner. I don't know what are your opinions on it?

  • I would not tolerate this
    88% (7)100% (2)90% (9)Vote
  • I'm indifferent
    12% (1)0% (0)10% (1)Vote
  • I would tolerate this
    0% (0)0% (0)0% (0)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


What Guys Said 1

  • i cannot vote, because "tolerate" is not the right word

    i trust my wife completely. 100%. she would never do anything stupid

    however, when she drinks, at some point she crosses a line where she isn't herself anymore, and she completely loses it. so i would rather not have her go out and get drunk, at least not without a close friend also being there.

    one example, we were out together with friends, she gets beyond drunk, starts dancing with a guy. there was no ill will on her side. she only thought she made a new friend because he was from the same country as her. he looked very interested though. i didn't interfere, because i knew how bad she would feel if something had happened, but a friend stopped us from finding out

    • 19d

      I feel you. That's your wife so you guys have a bond.
      However, if you were DATING your partner and they were doing these things, how would you respond?

    • 19d

      i would have passed. it would never have worked out

What Girls Said 3

  • I wouldn't have a problem with the clubbing part because I like to do that too from time to time but the two points that really stood out to me was driving while drunk even after a DUI and playing video games all day. I would have a huge issue with those two. Im guessing he doesn't work or is actively seeking a job (ex: filling out applications, going in for interviews) if he's playing video games all day & clubbing all night. As for the girl part, if u check the messages and the nature of their conversation isn't inappropriate then I wouldn't worry too much about it. But I don't know about him keeping in contact with a girl he dance with at a club so make that three things that would be an issue for me.

    • 18d

      He actually does work. He works at a food concession stand. It's great he works however he has nothing going for him. Never finished school and doesn't plan on going back ever.

      I agree clubbing is fine for me. I got time to time too but he goes too much.
      He's either at the club or bar drinking every single night. Literally every night.

      Only reason why I worried about the girl was because during the whole duration of dating him it's one specific girl I was worried about. He said she had a boyfriend but when I snooped around, this guy he's saying is a boyfriend was not a boyfriend. Looks like it was just a very close friend. Also, he was the one initiating contact to her. As well as liking every single profile picture of hers, her posts, tagging her in things when he was barley talking to me. Yeah, the whole adding the girl after dancing with her at a club and I haven't met her. That's an issue.

  • My boundaries are I don't tell people what to do. If a guy would cheat in those environments he'd cheat out of those environments.

    It's not my place to police him and it certainly isn't going to make us closer.

    • 19d

      But I would not date the guy you described

    • Show All
    • 19d

      @zoooot okay zooot your input instead of common sense?

  • Given all that in one guy... nuh uh. Wouldn't deal with it.

    • 19d

      Which points made you turn off?

    • 19d

      The living at home thing is bearable, especially if he's actually trying to work or better himself.

      The drinking thing... automatic deal breaker. The others are deal breakers too, although I'd want to learn the context first. But odds are, deal breakers.

    • 19d

      He wasn't bettering himself. He says f*ck school. He doesn't have a career in mind either. He's trying to pay off debts first and then buy a home. I asked him what other hobbies he had, he says just drinking and staying home.

      The other ones I wouldn't say are deal breakers for me. But if I have to constantly tell you how it bothers me you are entertaining her and he continues to, I think it's a deal breaker. I remember we had an argument about it and a few hours later he tagged her in something and I was furious. No respect at all.