How do you feel about men paying for the initial dates?

Initial meaning you've just started dating and you're not yet sure how you feel about eachother.

  • I am a guy and I prefer to split the bill
    0% (0)32% (19)14% (19)Vote
  • I am a guy and I prefer to pay for her half because I genuinely want to
    1% (1)44% (26)20% (27)Vote
  • I am a guy and pay for her half because I feel like it is expected of me
    0% (0)24% (14)11% (14)Vote
  • I am a girl and I expect the guy to pay
    38% (28)0% (0)21% (28)Vote
  • I am a girl and I prefer to split the bill
    46% (34)0% (0)26% (34)Vote
  • I am a girl and prefer for the guy to pay but will tolerate him not paying if he is really hot/interesting
    15% (11)0% (0)8% (11)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess, if I had to pick one, I'd pick C. I don't really "prefer" to split the bill. So, it's between "genuinely want to" and "expected of me."

    I mean, I don't want to. Shit costs money. Her shit costs money, and my shit costs money. There's no reason the expense of us socializing has to "automatically" or "by default" fall onto me. It's naturally upsetting, but after a few years, you don't really give a shit anymore, and I'll explain why. But, I guess that's why I wouldn't say I "genuine want to." It's not some deep desire of mine to just shoulder the bill on trying to see if the two of us can start a relationship "among equals." Unless, of course, I'm the kind of guy who comes from a culture where I expect the woman to just stay at home and take care of the kids and be 100% dependent on and submissive/subservient to me... and in that case, well, if that's what you're looking for buddy, then you gotta play your role too (so SFTU and pay that bill no questions asked). I know a lot of guys who want their Asian/Indian/Muslim gf/wife... and then complain about having to pay. Either get with the times (in "all" aspects of your life), or enjoy single-handedly earning enough to pay for things with prices that assume that men are not the only participants in the labor market.

    Anyway...

    In a way, it is something that's "expected" of any guy. It is what it is. I don't do it because I feel "pressured" to, though. You'll have to excuse me, it's been a while since I've been on a "date" with someone brand spanking new... but back from my dating days, when the bill would come, here would be my protocol:

    1. Pick up the check;
    2. Take out your wallet and hand your debit/credit card;
    3. Wait and see (i. e., observe)

    That's it. Either way, you're committed to paying. From there on, it just gives you the opportunity to observe what she does. I've had a strong feminist who genuinely insisted on paying 50%. It comes down to reading people and being adaptive and flexible. I could tell it was part of this girl's identity, and so I accepted her offer. Most of the time, though, you're just looking to see how much effort the girl puts into her "fake reach." This is like a golden moment, because you get to see her baseline of what her behavior/face/voice are like when she's being disingenuous with you (that's very important information).

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    • 2mo

      You also have to recognize the difference between a girl who "genuinely wants to pay" (as you put it so well earlier), and one that just "insists on paying" so that: (a) you don't judge her negatively, (b) she safeguards her own sense of identity (i. e., negative reinforcement; I'm not like one of those girls). See, the strong feminist paid because that's who she was, that's part of her core identity, she made that abundantly clear very early on, so she "genuinely wanted to pay," and her emotional reward for doing so was feeling pride in herself for being consistent with her feminist ideology. That's very different from a girl who votes Democrat and casually reads about women's issues, and just doesn't want people (or herself) to identify her as "one of those other girls" (who girls/guys don't like and criticize). If "that's" her reason for insisting on paying, her emotional reward (if any) is not stronger than what she will be feeling about "the guy who LET HER PAY."

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    • 1mo

      This is where there's a split. Some women will get defensive and cope with this by mentally pep talking themselves and affirming themselves with, "You're gorgeous, that's all that matters, you are on top of this game, he is chasing you, blah blah blah."

      That's what dating is for. You're not there to impress. You're there to distract with fun and interesting stuff, but you're looking to test her with the goal of filtering certain women OUT of your life. You're not looking to get A girl. You're looking to identify a REASONABLY GOOD girl. First 1-3 dates, you're not looking to get far or get "access." In fact, you want to resist or keep at bay her attempts to distract you with sexuality. You want to see what and who you're dealing with.

      You PAYING is the price you pay for having the right to tell her to leave. If you don't call her back after date #1, what does she care? YOU paid. That's WHY you pay.

    • 1mo

      It's a very cheap price to pay for the right to just tell her to go fuck herself, get lost, or take that shit away and go find someone else (in a nice way).

      You'd rather be down $200 than be down $18,000 per year (at a minimum) by being with the wrong person because you didn't keep your options open and approached dating with the wrong mentality.

      I'd rather use a girl for $200 to confirm that she was NOT a REASONABLY GOOD girl (and sharpen my tongue with some flirting and teasing, some verbal jujitsu.. at least use the girl as a sparring partner; if she's not even good for that, then just practice being a good host, and end in nicely).

      It's better to EXCLUDE someone you know ISN'T what you were looking for, than to adopt this mentality of practically just begging for someone to just ACCEPT you.

      But to get there, you have to KNOW what you're looking for. What are you looking for? Do you know? What effect do you think that has in the way you approach and think about dating?

What Girls Said 24

  • Honestly, not much.
    It's a nice gesture, for sure. Will that make me a gold-digger or expect him to pay for me every time we go out afterwards?

    No. If you've seen my answers on the billions of times this exact same question has been asked, you should know that I prefer going dutch with my boyfriend.

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    • 2mo

      I am mainly just interested to see how many guys choose C and how many girls choose F

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    • 2mo

      I haven't stated anything as fact. No need to be so catty.

    • 2mo

      I'm not being catty? The fact that you're going to conclude this 'study' based on the results of the poll voted on by users of GaG is more than enough. I don't even need to see the results or vote to know how they'll more than likely turn out.
      queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com/.../wine.gif

  • Uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I owe them and I hate that. I rather pay for my own food.

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  • I would feel more comfortable if we shared.

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  • I'd pay for my share of the bill on a first date just in case I don't have a second date with him.

    If we'd been out a few times and he insisted on paying then, I'd insist I pay the next time

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  • I'm not expecting anything, but I'd feel uncomfortable if they pay for me (assuming that we'd not know each other very much at that time).

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  • How do you feel about men paying for the initial dates?
    D. I am a girl and I expect the guy to pay

    I expect it as my notion is 'whoever asks pays' and the guys are doing the asking.

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    • 2mo

      Do you also get them to take you to the most expensive restraunts?

  • I like cheap dates where we each buy our own stuff, like coffee or a beer or two. It takes the pressure off and you can just get to know each other.

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  • I'm so tired of this question being asked & arguing about this.

    Men are wired to focus on looks whereas women are wired to seek resources.

    When men allow women to show up to dates in burqas, so men no longer get the pleasure of seeing their date's looks, then I'll consider it equal that men no longer expect the pleasure of men paying for dates.

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    • 2mo

      If its so tiring then just dont post on questions that talk about it.

      Also, I think you are underestimating the importance women put on men's appearances.

      Why burqas?

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    • 2mo

      lol fine with me

    • 2mo

      lol the pleasure of your presence? but you're all spoiled and entitled... what's so great about your presence that anyone would pay unless they were a simp

  • I think it should either go dutch or whoever asks for the date should pay.

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  • I pay for what I order.

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  • I was looking for the option for the females to pay then realised you didn't include one lol.

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    • 1mo

      Like the girl pays for the guys half?

    • 1mo

      Yes pays the whole bill

    • 1mo

      Well generally the best a guy is going to get is a girl who will pay for her own half. Its not that common for girls to pay for the guy so I didn't think it was nessesary to put it.

      Also, I didn't have any more poll buttons left to use.

  • Only losers wouldn't pay at the first date!

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  • I expect the guy to pay, though I admit I don't necessarily expect him to be excited about it. Dates are expensive lol, so I understand the guy POV who voted for paying because it's expected of them.

    But if I end up paying for my half, I'm going to assume the guy isn't interested and not contact him anymore.

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    • 2mo

      Couldn't the guy also assume that if you lose interest in him for not paying that you probably weren't that interested in him either?

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    • 2mo

      @feminismisnarcissism So G@G women speak for all women? Is that really your logic?

    • 2mo

      lol instead of YOU speaking for all women? well at least in this case we have several votes. and that trumps your vote. sorry

  • Go Dutch or whoever asked whoever out should pay. I feel sorry for these 'guys should pay' girls. Well I actually feel sorry for the guys that have to put up with them

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  • i voted the last one... i wouldn't tolerate it actually but i wouldn't expect it either. If he genuinely likes men, he will pay. If he isn't feeling me, well split it

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  • I rather split it.

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  • I am a girl. I prefer to split the bill

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  • If he's the one who asked me on the date, I feel like he should be the one paying. Just like if I asked him on a date, I'd be paying.

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  • Men are supposed to be the provider and protector of women, this equality thing hasn't only screwed women over but men as well.

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  • I believe the guy should pay for the first date.

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  • Don't care. I have no expectations.

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  • Why should i pay if he asked me out? and i will pay if i asked out first. That's my rule lol

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  • they better pay up if they want to eat me out
    thats all i gotta say. i spend a lot of money on nice thongs and a man gotta pay up

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    • 2mo

      but i thought women dressed for themselves not guys?

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    • 2mo

      lol you better go down if you want me to pay up, i don't care if you're wearing a slingshot. (if you don't know what that is... it's because I'm way out of your league. lol)

    • 2mo

      (i still upvoted you though lol since it cracked me up)

  • I am a girl and I've always offered to pay. My husband paid for the first date but I paid for most things after that because I had money and no obligations and I wanted to help, he had a lot of his plate with a shitty dad that didn't come home, pay bills or feed them and a sister to raise so I usually took him and his sister out and tried to make sure they had food in the house. We were 16 & 18 when we started dating... his money went to his dad for rent, was taken or went towards food and bills for the house cause his dad didn't always come home and he had a 13yearold sister that we had to get to school and what not.

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    • 2mo

      our first offical date was after we had been together for 2 months (offical for 1 month).

What Guys Said 12

  • As I always say,

    First of all, lemme laugh a bit.. hahahaha xD
    Is this? THIS is really a subject for discussion? If you think that much about paying about dates, how are you supposed to enjoy your time with each other?

    Anyway, there are three common beliefs :-
    ●Men should always pay
    ●They should pay one's part
    ●Whoever approaches for date should pay

    1. Men should always pay =
    Common etiquette. We all have been raised by telling that this is how it is supposed to be. Personally, I don't care even a little bit if I have to pay every time. I feel proud to do so and it gives me a feeling of dominant leader. It doesn't cost me financial problems either. But how about a comman man? What if he barely manages to pay his rent and college fees? Will he forever stay single then?

    2. They should pay one's part =
    I find this to be the cheapest thing. This clearly separates you two if this is your basic rule in your life. How will you live together? The woman will pay the electricity bill of refrigerator as she spends time in kitchen and the man will pay for air conditioner as he spends time in the living room? This just doesn't work. Your souls are not connected if you do partitioning.

    3. Whoever approaches for date should pay =
    Good. I approached her so, it's my responsibility to show her that I'd pay for her expenses, if I'm paying I'm better than the other guys, I'd show myself worthy. Really? What if SHE approached me? Would I be comfortable if she paid for our first date following by proposing me? I would feel that she's trying too hard. Is she 'buying' me? Would she feel the same way if I did that? Probably not. Why? Because that's not how the society functions.

    _____

    So, what's we gonna do now? Honestly, nothing!
    Guys should pay. It's our pseudo responsibility as it's the responsibility of girls to clean the house and make us delicious food. We created rules for a reason. For a stable society.

    If he can't pay, he should be upfront and it must be understood by the girl as she's dating him, she should understand his background, consequences and feelings. So, she should pay then.

    They could rotate the turns too as there are gold-diggers who just want luxuries and really hate their partner and players who believe that a prostitute would cost $200 while a date would cost only $100 for ONS. Rotation would dissipate the speculations.

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  • Why are these all referring to paying half? I prefer to pay for it all. Maybe I am just old school.. I prefer to take care of that side. Provide the atmosphere and her company is what she brings to the evening. Let her get whatever she wants.. don't worry about budgeting and numbers crunching.. just enjoy the moment I have provided.

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  • Each one pays for their own food.
    If she's not ok with that, then time to drop her. I want a woman who doesn't feel entitled to special treatment.

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  • I always just pay, but it's a test. If you let me pay for everything, you fail. When a girl offers to pay, she goes up 100 notches in my book. "Oh, you mean you're not a little princess looking for a sugar daddy to wine you and dine you? Well what do you know, suddenly I can foresee a relationship with you." If she doesn't at least ASK about splitting the bill by the third date, there won't be a fourth.

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  • Okay I'm scrapping the poll. My answer is old school, I pay for the bill. The reason I asked her out, I am to treat her out. It is my responsibility as a man to do so, and show her that I can provide for her even if we aren't in a relationship. If she wants to pay, I insist that I pay. To show her I am willing to take the lead.

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  • The one who invites pays. Othewise it's 50/50.

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  • They can do that if they want to but i won't.

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  • C... Not because it's expected.

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  • I usually insist on paying for the first date.
    I dont mind the who asks who pays route either.

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  • I am sorry for them

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  • If a guy paid for a female friend who has become single, does that send a message to her that he likes her I wonder?

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    • 2mo

      It could depending on your relationship and what other clues you are putting out there.
      In my friend group it wouldn't because we generally all take turns.

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    • 1mo

      Wait are you just asking her as a friend or are you interested?

    • 1mo

      @flypaper I fancy her always have but unlike earlier my logistics have changed and I'm not in s position to date. I do like her a lot and would want to be friends after any potential intimacy or meeting up like dates. Want to meet her solo if that makes sense? I dunno if she has known I fancy her..

      What do you think about my earlier points?

  • Only cucks pay for dates.

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