Is it ok to make friends from the opposite sex while being in a relationship?

Reason why I ask is beacause about 2.5 years ago i was in a long term relationship with my ex. We had been dating for 4 years and a half at that time and she complained so much about her not having guy friends and how i had so many female friends and it wasn't fair. So i told her to go find new friends since she was in college. One day she told me she did and gave her number to a guy that dhe kept bumping into in her school, when she told me that she did that i got mad and told her not to talk to him and why she would even do that. Also, other friends have told me that they would never let their gf/bf get a friend. Usually we find that as a thread no? Even if you trust him/her.

So, is it me or is it ok for your bf/gf to make new friends?

  • Yes, of course it is!
    76% (78)82% (68)78% (146)Vote
  • No, it is not ok!
    24% (25)18% (15)22% (40)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
1mo Some of you misunderstood the question and i just wanted to clearify that my questions is "is it ok to MAKE NEW FRIENDS while being in a relationship" not "is it ok to HAVE friends while being in a relationship"
Thank you all for the comments though!
1mo Of the opposite sex**

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes of course. I mean what if you had a bisexual partner, I don't think they can like stop being friends with everyone cause they're attracted to both sexes 😂 I just apply the same concept to hetero relationships.
    People can be friends no matter the gender 🙄

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's ok... IF it is totally known that the intentions of the "new friend" are completely platonic.

    If there is any ambiguity there, the partner needs to proverbially put their foot down.

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What Girls Said 22

  • Obviously and if someone has a problem with that they are controlling and manipulative. Talk about a red flag

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  • I wish every guy could see this post. People need to understand that we have guy friends - before a relationship starts, during, and after a relationship but it was never be more then that. We will always have guy friends we can be dorky around and they'll just have to accept that

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    • 1mo

      I think it is also okay to make new guy friends but make sure you keep boundaries and obviously make it aware to them that you have a boyfriend. As long as you don't act like you have a thing or flirt, I think your good

    • 1mo

      I agree with you 100% and of course we all have friends before and after the relationship, i think we can all agree with that, but the problem comes when you make a new friend and the reason why sometimes is not ok is because if she and he were to get really close friends cause they get along very good then the first person women will run to when they have a problem/bad argument/fight with their boyfriend is that new friend that they just made (not always though) and maybe not once but 3 4 and 5 times until the day she gets really mad. Then she's gonna end up either flirting, kissing or hooking up with him because he is the one that always makes them feel better. Im not saying all women do that but me having many female friends, i have experienced those things from my female friends, women that I thought would never do anything bad end up flirting with me and wanting to hook up with me or the new friend they just met. Obviously i stop them from doing that cause that's just wrong.

  • Sure, I don't care. I wouldn't be dating the guy if I didn't trust him. It's not my job to police who he talks to. It's his job to make a conscious decision to stay faithful to me. And it really doesn't make a difference whether the girl is an old friend or a new friend. You told your girlfriend to make friends and she did, and then you got mad at her... that's a little crazy, man.

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  • if you're allowed to have girl friends you're being extremely hypocritical.

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  • As long as the friendship remains appropriate with boundaries involved, I don't see a problem with being friends with the opposite sex. My best friend is a guy and my boyfriend never saw that as a problem because he trusts me enough. My guy friend is like a brother to me and he sees me as a sister too. If we ever did anything inappropriate, its boarderline incest. Thats just how I see it lol.

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  • I think that it's bitter sweet because. You seem like you already had your "friends" before the relationship. That's different verses actually going out and finding a guy friend; and let's face it, it made you made because you know how you are with your girly friends. I'm sure your friends that are girls are in hope that you break up with your girlfriend for them. It shouldn't be about having something fair. Your choice was to have a friend as a girl. Doesn't mean she has to have a friend that's a guy. She did that to make you jealous by the way

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    • 1mo

      I wishh! I had friends that wanted me to break up wit her but i didn't... actually i did have one but i wasn't gonna leave my girlfriend of 3 years for a girl that was young and stupid. But you're right maybe she did it to make me jelause even tho i told her to do it. Problem was that i reacted bad when she told me about it. I guess she just wanted to make me feel how she felt.

    • 1mo

      yeah that sounds like the issue.. girls are jealous we want to be the only one you talk to about your problem etc.

    • 1mo

      Thats true!

  • I think it's perfectly ok to make new friends as long as the person in the relationship keeps the appropriate boundaries.

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    • 1mo

      What are the appropriate boundries though?

    • 1mo

      They know you are in a relationship and respect that. Obviously the taken person should give up on the friendship if the friend does not respect the relationship.

  • I say that they should be able to, because I feel like I have to say it. My feelings would be the opposite about it, though. I wouldn't want for them to hangout alone. It feels like a threat to me if I see that my boyfriend had a friend who is a girl. I would want to meet her and know of her intentions.

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  • I don't think it's okay to make new friends or have friends of the opposite sex while dating someone however I see where she was coming from you were obviously in contact with female friends and it made her uncomfortable and insecure she wanted to make you feel how she did

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    • 1mo

      Yeah, and she did make me feel how she felt. Problem was that i reacted very bad and wrong. But aside from that, why do you think it's not ok to make new friends of the opposite sex while you are dating someone? If you dont mind me asking

  • I may be very old-fashioned but I wouldn't want friends from the opposite sex. Sooner or later something WILL happen.

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    • 1mo

      Exactly! But ket me ask you this though. Do you think something will happen because you might end up being attracted to your friend or is there an specific reason why you think something for sure will happen?

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    • 1mo

      I think that's BS, no offense.

    • 1mo

      @StickStickity13 Agreed. I've known my two best guy friends for around 6 years and nobody's ever tried anything. Many guys are perfectly happy just being platonic friends with a girl, lol not all guys want to bone everything. And we all know that most girls love having guy friends that are like their brothers. So to say that all opposite-sex friendships are like ticking time bombs is just simply not true.

  • Yes of course , as long as there's friendship boundaries

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  • People should never try to restrict their partner from having friends. That's controlling and manipulative, and if a person can't handle their partner having friends, they aren't mature enough to be in a relationship to begin with.

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  • No it's not okay, especially when it comes to hanging out with them.

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    • 1mo

      Why is it not ok? Do you think it will lead to something?

    • 1mo

      I just find it's disrespectful to the relationship. Honestly men and women have no business hanging out in a private environment together. They aren't your spouse, so you don't need to take them out and see movies, or eat together or any of that.

      You certainly don't need to go to their homes either, and sit on their couch or be in their bedroom spending time with them. Whether or not it will lead to anything doesn't matter, it's just entirely inappropriate. The extent of their friendship should be being cordial at work.

    • 1mo

      With no communication outside of work. And honestly they shouldn't even be buddy buddy at work either.

  • You said yourself you had female friends. And you told her to go make friends.

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  • Yeah a man can in fact I witnessed one. A year ago after school I met up at a friend's house with three friends and we were discussing boys and penis sizes and guys who are good on bed when her little skinny 14 year old brother walked in the the front door and went straight to his bedroom, then his sister revealed she had seen him jerking off one time walking past his window and that he has the biggest dick she'd ever seen, of course we didn't believe her but then she said she'd prove it and we all went to her little bros room laughing and giggling, he was lying on his bed watching tv so two girls held him down on the bed while his sister and me pulled down his trousers. His sister was right he had a big dick and we all had a good laugh about it. Then one of the girls decided to grab a hold of it to see how big we could get and she coaxed him into a hard state despite, we all had a go at wanking and sucking him off which he was upset about and we couldn't get him to cum despite our best efforts to, then one girl decided to ride him to make him cum and after two minutes of that and all of us girls around him playing with his balls and shoving our tits in his face he blew his load. I suppose in retrospect it was wrong what we did

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  • No, I would not allow him to have friends of another sex. I'm really possessive so I would just want to kill the other girl and also feel like I'm not enough for him.

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    • 1mo

      Thats probably what many women think, that we can only give attention to the girlfriend and not to the female friends cause then it makes them feel like they're not enough and that is not the truth. My ex girlfriend was always telling me that because i would talk on the phone wit my female friends for hours when my girlfriend was busy.

    • 1mo

      It depend on the person but I know that me when in a relationship I can only think or my boyfriend and be attracted to him. I don't want ti talk or be with someone else so it's hard for me to understand how he can prefer be with another over me

  • Yes, of course it's okay that they make friends with the opposite gender.

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  • Just because you asked I have to tell you it's extremely hypocritical to do what you did. So you can have female friends and she has to only talk to one guy.. you? I have seen a lot of guys who "hang out" with lots of female "friends" and when it comes to their girlfriend even talking to another guy will get all insulted and accuse the girl of cheating.

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    • 1mo

      I agree with you. It might be because men are more territorial and also because deep down we know what are the intentions of any guy that tries to be friends with our gfs. Maybe not all of them but the majority of them. But in the end it all comes down to insecurities and i admit i was insecure about myself and didn't trust her which is why she's my ex now.

    • 1mo

      Yep it happens to everyone one time or the other

  • yes but be careful and have boundries

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    • 1mo

      What boundaries would you put?

  • It's definitely to be friends with the opposite sex. Not to be rude, but the fact you had female friends and you didn't let your ex have male friends, kinda makes you a hypocrite (again, just my opinion. don't get offended).
    It's definitely fine to have a friend of the opposite sex. Did you not trust your gf? Were you cheated on before in the past?
    I didn't feel comfortable with my current boyfriend having female friends because I was still scarred from my last relationship. I was okay with my bf's female friends once I got to know them.
    Maybe try to get to know the male friends. Trust is a huge factor is a relationship :)

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    • 1mo

      First of all i agree with you. I didn't trust my girlfriend and i was insecure of myself but the funny thing is that going into this relationship i was the one that was most relaxed and she was the jelause type and the one that got cheated on all the time. With time i guess her behavior rubbed off of me and i ended up being the jelause type of guy and insecure but that is all because8she gave me reasons to be like that. Which is why i didn't trust her having friends of the opposite sex cause i thought she was gonna leave me for someone better. But i agree with you trust is a huge factor in the relationship!

    • 1mo

      Well, It's a good thing you aren't with her anymore since you didn't trust her towards the end. Plus, it's bad that her own negative energy rubbed off on you

  • Its easier to be friends with someone of the opposite sex who is already in a relationship

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  • It's fine. There should be some boundaries to that though.

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    • 1mo

      Which boundries would you put?

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    • 1mo

      @Meggygirl that's a good one! Any other boundaries?

    • 1mo

      Thet can't have any sort of romantic history!

What Guys Said 18

  • Yes, it is fine to have friends of opposite gender. However you need to establish strong boundaries, strict boundaries between you and your friends and secondly it's always suggested that you introduce your friends to your partner so that misunderstandings or unnecessary assumptions won't take place in future.

    Another point is under any circumstances you should never give more importance to your friends than your partner, your partner should always come first and should be given the utmost importance, your friends should always come next.

    Another point is there is nothing wrong in spending time with your friends, nothing wrong in having some fun with your friends but never spend more time with your friends and less time with your partner, if you do that that then it will not be good for your relationship. In fact you should spend maximum time with your partner.

    If you can do all this then you can go ahead and have friends while being in a relationship. If you cannot do that, then it will not be a good idea to have friends while in a relationship.

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  • why wouldn't it be ok to make new friends of any gender while in a relationship?

    i'm also confused. you told your ex to make some new friends. she did and then you got angry?

    to me there is absolutely nothing wrong with platonic friendships regardless of gender.

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  • You have to trust your SO

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  • I think its wrong for a female or male to make friends with the opposite sex while in a relationship. They would have already had been friends for me to accept it. New friends = ulterior motives sometimes. Also it really depends on the conversation they are having. complementing each other asking to meet up somethings up but general conversation might be okay online only might be okay.

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  • Friends are not lovers, so it's okay.

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  • It's OK!

    To restrict that is controlling and manipulative. I'm not going into an abusive relationship.

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  • Yes it is ok to make new friends. Just be damn sure you're honest and straightforward. Also helps if all three of you meet.

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  • Yeah it's just friends

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  • Of course it is! To prevent them would be controlling, neurotic behavior.

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  • I have a lot female friend with boyfriend even husband and we still hangout almost everyday. Is ok if they understand.

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  • It's okay but doesn't mean I like it... I don't trust guys they always assume a friendly smile for a girl with a boyfriend means she wants to sleep with humans has lost interest in her current boyfriend

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  • Depends on the couple.

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    • 1mo

      If they're ok with it? But are you supposed to ask that when you're in a relationship or is it something you should already know?

    • 1mo

      I'd think so.

  • of course.. a relationship is just that, a RELATIONSHIP; it isn't an ownership

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  • Yeah, not letting someone have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship is insecure. As long as they don't cheat then I don't see what the big deal is.

    Same with gays and lesbians having friends of the same sex while in a relationship.

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  • It's extremely immature, especially at your age, for either person to be upset because you have friends of the opposite gender. How are you supposed to cut out half the human population because you're in a relationship.

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    • 1mo

      The reason why im asking is because my last relationship ended 2 years ago and it lasted 5 years, I was very young and immature. To be exact, I started dating her when I was 19 and it ended when I was 24. Ever since then, I haven't been in a relationship. Which is why im asking this question cause my relationship was very toxic.
      I dont think you understood the question though. Of course, it is ok to have friends of the opposite gender while being in a relationship but, is it ok to make new friends of the opposite gender while you are in a relationship?

  • no its not. Any female friends that I have are long term from way back. one party is always attracted so no

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    • 1mo

      I agree with this. I don't think guys and girls can be friends (or at least CLOSE friends) without one being attracted to the other.

  • If my partner told me I couldn't make new friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship, there wouldn't be a relationship much longer.

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  • Your update's clarification... Do you think more people agree with that?

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    • 1mo

      No, i just wanted to clearify my question since some poeple seemed to have misread or misunderstood the question.

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