I don't want to have a boyfriend because I'm scared of sex is that normal and what should I do?

Well firstly I've NEVER had sex before!! I'm scared of the idea of having a boyfriend because I'm scared of sex, I'm scared of sex because of the possibility of getting pregnant (I NEVER want kids) and well stds and stuff too but mostly the preagnant thing because like I said I never want kids and I've heard even if you use both brith control and condoms there's still a risk. So what should I do? Have you felt like this before too?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have legitimate concerns, but you are way over thinking this and that always leads to more negative thoughts. The odds of you getting pregnant while on birth control are extremely slim. Same as condoms. One thing about condoms, always have your own. You don't know where the guys have been or what he might have done to them (poke a little hole with a pin?). If he doesn't want to use yours, he's not worth your time. A guy that doesn't respect a woman's wishes in that area needs a woman that doesn't care. Don't be afraid of sex unnecessarily. Is it possible to get pregnant using protection, yes. Nothing is perfect. Use of condoms have a 97%-98% success rate. Use of birth control pills when used properly gives you over a 99% success rate. Some say a 99.9% protection. If you miss the pill for even just a couple of days your odds of getting pregnant soar. I'm not saying you can't get pregnant, but the chances are so slim that millions and millions of people use them every day. Since you are so worried about this that you swear off sex because of your fear, I would definitely advise the pill. We do things everyday the don't have near the success rate of the pill. Do you drive? Statistics show that if you get your license at 16, you will have an accident by the age of 34 and 3-4 during your driving life. It's safer to use the pill than leaving your house everyday. Quit over thinking it and take advantage of one of the most enjoyable things in life. The closeness of two people when having sex is wonderful especially if your man understands all the things a woman needs in bed. It's definitely not all about the physical part for women. A man that gets this has a very happy lady.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Its your decision. You don't have to have sex in a relationship, only when you get married. But since a lot of people do not believe in waiting, a lot of men will expect sex at some point. Sex is not safe with the wrong people and who you cannot trust. There is a lot of danger with sex when done wrong. Your normal and its understandable, because anybody can rape you, god forbid you end up pregnant unwanted, etc. Because sex is a binding contract for life. Your bound to that person spiritually through soul ties. Which means you will alway remember them sexually, relive the experience in your mind, and is bound to compare them to other people. You don't have to do something you don't want to do. If you feel safer as a virgin and to yourself, then stay that way as what I am doing in celibacy. You don't need to rush into something you will regret because others want it. Those other guys? Let them be.

    I lost my mother who developed cervical cancer more and likely caused by getting an STD at a very young age as a virgin at the time. It is a lot to think about. Some may get cancer and get sick, while others are not out of the woods yet, but could develop something else. STD's are managed, not cured. Even with a preventive vaccine or birth control and condoms. Condoms canNOT protect you from everything. And birth control pill is not every woman, and it lowers your immune system. Without that, your are prone to diseases and developing other problems, or risk death with certain drugs. You have to make critical decisions on what you decide to do with your body. Because your choices now will effect the things you do in the future, including with your offspring, your marriage and the relationships you have with people around you in your life. And yes. I've been through the same problems you have, except actually dating anybody.

    My solution and advice is this: Weep for the moment and let it all out. Don't hold back tears, pain and heartache. But don't dwell on it forever to the point your miserable and bitter either. And to let you know that your not allow. Because no matter what advice you get from a professional counselor. The reality is this: your either made for this modern dating or not. Somebody either loves you for you and honor your desires to wait, or they'll mock you. You have good men and evil men. But we live in an overly sexualize world that will shame anybody who's different, because they don't want to be judged or feel threatened by you.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Well I understand because I am a guy and I've never wanted to father a child. It really did make me nervous when I was in my 20's. So I respect the fact that you are not having sex. Now the opposite side of the coin is those who are having children when they are not prepared and society has to pay the bill through the welfare system. Later on in your life if you want to have sex, there are ways to go about it with minimal risk. There is an IUD that is very effective, and whatever man you are in a relationship with, can wear a condom. The combo should be as close to 100% as you can get. LOL...

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  • Yes! It's normal.
    You are not alone and you have all the right to be, specially on STDs. The fact is the less sex partners you have the less risk for STD you get. Being pregnant after sex for some people can be terrified (has nothing to do with age). I would recommend you to talk with someone you trust or a doctor (for the relief) and could reduce the terrified feeling. It's good to be a virgin now days and at the same time sex is a great intimate feeling but not when you are not ready. Try to know more about the worst things can happen and the best things too, sex can be good for health. You can always use sex toys to your self to stimulate instead of sex.
    It's normal and you will be fine

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  • It sounds like heightened case of nerves - Research is your friend - If you get into a relationship and begin to feel ready to take the next step - Look up safe sex on the internet for advice - Talk to older female relatives and friends about it

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  • If you get an IUD you can use another form of birth control and be very very close to 100% prevention. Seriously, like 1/10,000 chance at most. (Assuming both are used correctly.)

    As for STDs... Don't sleep with someone who wasn't tested after their last partner, or even look for a virgin.

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  • Get the needle for birth control and carry condoms with you (latex and non latex)

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  • You should focus on your studies and deal with boys when your older

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    • 1mo

      Yeah for sure!!! Definitely study's/career first!!!

  • Looooooool it's simple get a tubectomy

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  • Don't have sex. Problem solved. Easy peasey.

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    • 1mo

      Then that means I'd be single forever?

    • 1mo

      No. Not everyone requires sex to be in a relationship.

  • How old are you? Have you ever dated?

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    • 1mo

      19 and yeah I've dated 2 guys one of them cheated on me because I wouldn't have sec with him right away and the other one left me too for the same reason

    • 1mo

      Have you ever given yourself an orgasm? Do you have a sense of what that feels like, at least from a solo perspective?

  • find a guy whos in the same boat

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  • Every heard of the saying "High risks receives great reward." Do not knock something before trying it. If you are safe, and take the proper precautions, then your chances of getting pregnant is slim to none

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  • If both parties use birth control, the risk of pregnancy is about the same as being struck by lightning.

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  • I'm scared too mentally
    But physically...
    Oh boy..

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  • You're being ridiculous. Some Guys can wait for sex till marriage. Sex shouldn't be the reason for not having one, there may be others but this can't be. How can sex be scary? LMAOO

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    • 1mo

      Well all the guys I've dated left me becsixe o wouldn't have sex with them right away or they cheated and it's scary because of the reason I said

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    • 1mo

      Okay I'll do that and yeah I see what you mean

    • 1mo

      Glad to help, feel free to pm☺

  • yes there is risk evn after using birth control and condoms... but if u won't do sex just cause of those things than u will miss biggest adventure of ur life...

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  • date another girl

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  • Just be a nun

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  • If you're that terrified, stock up on the morning after pill and find out how to get an abortion.

    And no, being so terrified of sex is NOT normal.

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  • Well, it happened with me. When I was with my now ex's girlfriend, she wanted to bang on second date and we didn't do it partially because I was scared and when we broke up it was one of the reasons why we did it. To clarify things I broke up with her and now that I have tamed with idea of it, I'm ready to do it.

    I think it's mostly when you are comfortable to perform a sex act. Also, you will become more keen on sex when your hormones becomes buzzing like hell :P

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sex for the first time can be pretty scary. But it's also really natural. You could speak to your doctor about the different contraception options. When you find a man that respects you and the way you feel about sex he won't leave you for those reasons. And also you're still young. Give yourself time to explore relationships and your sexuality.

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  • I was just like that too. I was diagnosed with mild OCD and mild anxiety. Basically, it's a mental disorder. But it's not the sticky kind. You just have a glitch in your software, or a wrong thought or two that have been planted in your mind from somewhere. A few months in individual, or most importantly, group therapy should solve the issue. Look at it this way, wanting to have sex and wanting to have children are healthy natural desires. If you don't follow them, something's a bit off. It's just like not eating at all for fear of getting fat. Sound familiar? It's called anorexia. Exact same logic. You are not doing something natural, for an obsessive fear of an undesirable side effect.
    It won't help if I talk to you about how to achieve a practically possible 100% successful

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    • 1mo

      ... anticonception system until I am blue in the face. There's more to it than that. Dig further beneath the surface and you'll be sure to find your answer. But whatever you do, don't drop the pursuit or delay it. See a counselor right away.
      Let me tell you a secret. It's in your instinct to have children. You might not be aware of it, but it's there. All of that "education and career" you were glamorously talking about, you are subconsciously pursuing because of your future children; that's if you are healthy, and I'm guessing you are. Ask any doctor. And I'm not your average fat poor lazy stupid backward woman with 200 children she can't begin to support trying to make you just have babies with old wives tales. I have a brilliant career as an electronics engineer and I'm considered gifted regarding IQ.
      Have your fun, take your time, educate yourself, follow a career, but remember to put having children on the top 3 list of your life goals. It's what matters most in the end.

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