Guys, HOW TO BE LESS CLINGY?

All the boyfriends I've ever had I've noticed now that I couldn't leave them alone. I would rant to my friends or I would text them 24/7. I would cry if I didn't see them. I'm dating someone new now, and I really don't want to start the progress all over again. How can I cope with it? What are ways to be less clingy? One one the reasons I'm clingy is because I have depression and it can be really hard without someone with me 24/7. PLEASE DON'T JUDGE.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey!
    I have severe depression and severe anxiety too! I am typically high functioning, but in relationships it's pretty obvious. Mainly because... well, for a guy, I'm pretty clingy. It's something I need to work on because I don't think it's healthy. Right now I'm in between relationships, I want to get into another one in the future, but right now, I'm in counseling trying to figure out what is going on in me and I am trying to see if this makes things better.

    Let me just say, I have never had a clingy girlfriend but there are times I really wish I had one. It sucks being clingy when the other person is a rather distant person :/
    So "clingy" isn't always a bad thing. But a lot of the time, it's generally unhealthy and it leaves us open to a lot of hurt from our partner's, yes? So for me, I'm trying to get better.

    I'm trying to:

    Focus on my career (I start nursing school in January)
    Pump up my ego and self confidence (for me, I tend to think pretty low of myself. I am an incredibly nice guy, but I'm pretty passive and I sort of set myself for being used, so right now I am trying to be the strong, driven, outspoken go getter who I quite honestly want to be)
    Build up friendships with people I am not in a relationship with (this is hard for me because usually I form only shallow friendships with people and I am very busy, so finding time is hard)
    Engage in more time-filling activities (volunteering, working, studying, playing sports etc. it helps keep me distracted from things)

    Probably the thing I'm most proud of is finally taking the step and going to counseling. It's offered free through my school and it is helping me process a lot.

    My advice for you is to work on "you".

    If it takes going and getting professional help, there is no shame in that. I promise your future relationship partners (and any possibly resulting children) would thank you for that.

    Overall, live your life and invest in you. If your life isn't a life that you want to live, then decide to change it. You have that power :)

    Remember, you're not depression. You may struggle with it, but it isn't your identity. Keep fighting girl!

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What Guys Said 10

  • I am responding to your question about being clingy. I have to go now, but I want to help you and I would prefer we do it in private messaging so it's more private for you. I'm not playing a game with you. I don't play games and I would never do that to you. I also wouldn't judge you on this. I'm glad you mentioned the depression you suffer from. Without that, I would have come from another angle that would be wrong. First thing is to deal with the depression. If you don't you will have an extremely hard time changing your behavior. Have you seen anybody about your depression? I hope to have a message from you when I get back in about an hour.

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  • I would consider codependence anonymous. It's like alcoholic anonymous, but for codependence. You might be able to find an IRL meeting near you.

    coda.org/.../

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  • Just give them some more space. Try limiting yourself to only text him a certain amount of times a day.

    I know how you feel. I just want to be with my female friend that I'm crushing on and I only see her for a few hours a week at church. I'm wondering how clingy I must seem to her cause I want to spend as much time as I can with her. But I only get a few minutes a week to see her and my friends there. I try to spend time with both but I'm usually with her a lot.

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  • The only way you can stop making someone else the center of your world, is when you start building a world of your own.

    Take up hobbies, set goals, explore yourself mentally and find out who you are and what you want out of life, what goals you want to reach, and what heights you want to attain and start working towards them. You'll find a life quickly starts to build faster than you think.

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    • 1mo

      This guy is so right. You really need to create your own life, your own dreams, your own future and work towards it. You can still have time to love someone too, but you won't be so clingy. The depression aspect is the thing you really need to fight and I think working on your own life, body, mind, spirit and so on will help you beat it. I know it's super hard to get motivation when you have depression but as long as you can admit to yourself that you hate it and you want to fix it and make life better every day, eventually you will start taking baby steps, and more and more steps and hopefully everything works out!

  • Gotta go with what Kambo said - you need other things to think about. You'd be amazed how much time some hobbies take up. And it'll expand your world and give you things to talk about, as well as making new friends and expanding your horizons. So go out there and find something to do!

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  • split the text load between him and some friends (gotta make some), but you won't be as clingy

    like honestly i blow my friends phone up so much and he's used to it, he does the same thing to me, we will literally write eachother stories of what happened lol

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  • Well brave to come out and admit that for a start, a good thing for you would be to try and gather some self confidence so your not so concerened about others ie just concentrate on you for a bit

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  • Hey i like clingy women but i would say reassure your self that there is always another day or time you can text him or Start building a world for yourself more.

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  • keep yourself busy, and get some confidence. he's with you cause he likes you, the more clingy you become, the more you'll push him away

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  • This was cute for some reason😅 well if you really want to change then you must work on your self esteem and get some hobbies, make more friends😊

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