How to deal with a girls racist parents?

I've been talking with this girl for about 2 weeks now, and our relationship cannot progress further because she values what her parents think of her, and they don't like black people. After a few more conversations about it i found out that she has never actually had a serious relationship because of her parents (she doesn't even have many friends because of them). Ideas to get past this?
How to deal with a girls racist parents?

Updates:
1mo Giving up is not an option. #NeverQuit I was just hoping for a different idea besides mine. Which was to ride off into the sunset together 😂
1mo I talked with her parents and everything worked out, i think. Thank you for all the advice!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest you don't, because she has to understand that her parents are in the wrong. There is nothing that you can do. Except do two things: Either you bare with the racism of her parents, or let it go. Because this is a lot more bite than you can chew. Its not you, its her. And she has to learn to honor her parents but know when they are in the wrong. They can't control her life, she has to make that decision. So I don't know how old she is. But unless she learns to stand on her own two feet, move out, and start her own life. This will continue to be her problem wither she's with or without you. This is her baggage. She's going to have to make serious choices.

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    • 1mo

      Update:

      There isn't much that you can do unless she makes a decision. This is not a joke. This is a serious matter. Because if you end up getting married or having kids with her, that will be those kids grandparents. And who is to say that they will or won't accept them? Or god forbid disown her. This is a lot to think about.

      You say that breaking up is not an option, but now why ask: "How to deal with a girls racist parents?" You just do, or you don't. There is no how. Because this is going to burn you two out as long as you two continue this. I don't know what more do you expect if she won't make a choice. She shouldn't have to choose anybody over anybody. Especially her parents. But something has to be done. You may not like what I have to say, but this is the reality. I'm not going to sugarcoat the truth. All you can do is grant an audience with them on this. But if they still won't agree with it, then let go. She has to make that choice now. And that is all that I have to say.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow that's tough. Have you asked her if you can meet and talk to the parents? I live in the South and as you can imagine that type of thinking is still somewhat prevalent with older families. My friend brought his black girlfriend home and his parents initially said they refused to meet her. But she won them over by being perfect I mean perfect that night. He is now married to her and they adore her.
    I don't have advice for you outside of you have to meet the parents and win them over, only way to do that is to get her to bring you over.

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What Girls Said 11

  • There are probably people that could answer your question better than I can but I'll try. I don't believe that there is much you can do. I believe that she needs to talk to them or get her priorities straight. Yes, family is important. But deciding on what she believes in and how she feels on certain subjects should not be determined by her parents. Fight for who you fight for but make sure that they are worth fighting for.

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    • 1mo

      I like the ride off into the sunset thing. If you guys have been talking for a couple weeks then you should meet her parents, show that you care enough for her and that you want them to like you. f they don't budge it isn't your fault. If she is that special or you want this to go further, meet her parents or have her talk to hem.

    • 1mo

      THAT"S GREAT! I'm so happy for you @israeljordan !!!

  • You can't help it unless she changes and values her love life. My parents are the same as hers but I'm like who cares my dude is gonna be in my FUTURE. She needs to think like that!!! (her future)

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  • Um, I guess show them that You are better than their expectations orrr since i usually run away from my problems 'Yeet'!

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  • Wtf man, those'll be the grandparents of your kids if you two last. This is why a crazy family is a dealbreaker for me 😂

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    • 1mo

      Maybe talk to her starting with "your parents are racist and I'm black sooooooo"

    • 1mo

      I did last night and she just started crying about it, that's why i figured id see what people here have to say 😂😂

  • It sounds like she is the one who needs to stand up to her parents not u and if she can't do that I hate to say that the relationship won't work out. I had something similar happen with my grandparents and my boyfriend u just have to just b respectful the bigger person talking to them about this sort of stuff u may want to tell ur girl that.

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  • I had the same issue with my ex. My dad hated the idea of me with a black guy, and I was never allowed out so I had no friends. But I ignored that and went after the guy. I ended up getting beaten on multiple occasions and ended up in the hospital twice. It's not an easy relationship to have if you guys aren't willing to take some risk

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  • Actually I have no idea what my parents reaction would be if they met my boyfriend as well 😕😕so I have no idea what to say

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  • Just move on. Ain't nothing you can do.

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  • Well, im in a similar situation, my parents are racist bigots and dislike my boyfriend because they think he's not good enough for me. I told them to get over it and not to make me make a choice between them and him because they won't win. But you are in a situation that is a little tougher, but i'd say your girlfriend needs to step up and make this happen if you two are really serious.

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  • Wouldn't that make her a sympathizer of racism? My mother did the same thing to my husband, because she wanted me to marry black. I ignored her antics, would leave for weeks on end, and really just let her feel what she was losing over her believes. If the daughter doesn't go against them, she never will. There is not one thing you can do about it, I'm sorry.

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  • Don't meet the parents.

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What Guys Said 9

  • It kind of sounds like they don't want her to date anybody. There is no help as long as she follows what they say..

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  • I think you just need to present yourself really well and act as a gentleman. Her parents should see past it. That's if she is worth it.

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  • Reminds me of this I saw on YouTube TBH https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEZ4kwb06Ho

    Does she have any black friends?

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  • Oh god, that's just sad. Well, move on, not much else you can do.

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  • move on

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  • ... can't believe that these people exist. Just follow your heart and go for it! They hopefully eventually accept you but this can take months maybe years.

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  • nothing leave her and move on

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  • They understand that you will F their daughter and leave her with a kid that they have to take care of. It is what black guys are known for. Just do a search on black children born to single moms, it is 74% and way off the scales for any other race. Black guys don't get educated as much and aren't driven and ambitious. All in all it is about values.

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    • 1mo

      You're voting for the carrot, ain'tcha?

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    • 1mo

      I do know one thing white people could learn some respect. They seem to lack a lot of it. Like when I waitressed in Dearborn lord. Dollar tips if that. Blacks and Arabs tipped me out wonderfully the white lady maybe a 1$ if I was lucky the white man ehh only if he thought I was cute. Respect people man, and you'll get it back, but if you respect a white man or women you still get none back can't win. I waitressed and it wasn't just every once in a damn blue moon it was every single white person I sat I was disrespected talked to like shit and never tipped more than a few dollars even if the meal was 50$. I can't explain why? Greed? Republican? Lol

    • 1mo

      @layla1234 lol. Tipping. Comon now, you are trolling. Blacks are widely known for bad tipping. Here is an article in Ebony if you doubt. Just ask a real waitress, lol.

      www.ebony.com/.../are-black-people-really-bad-tippers-981

  • Move on. Brothers have spoken about their relationship with Indian girls and more often than not the girl will either give into her family demands or make you her little black secret and constantly keep you out of public eye. If you are not ok sneaking around behind her parents back and her never ever officially considering you BF/Husband material then move on buddy.

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