I've fallen for my best friend and can't seem to get rid of my feelings, but I'm afraid of losing her if I tell her. Help?

tl;dr: I have feelings for my best friend and I don't know whether to tell her or not. I want my best friend in my life, but I'm seeing a new girl and I really want to give her a fair shot.

Long form:
I caught feelings and I was going to ask for some space, but then her mom started getting sick. And friends don't leave friends hanging, so I stuck it out. I decided I'd start dating other people and try again to get over her.

I'm about to get serious with a girl who shows more potential. But thing is I'm not on the same emotional level as the girl I'm dating is because I'm still into my friend. And, her mother's still not better but I need space - both to give this new thing a fair shot and to cool my jets.

I think I made it extra hard because I her get too close, both emotionally and physically. And now all I can think about is all the affection she's given me. Like when several weeks ago we went on a road trip with friends and shared a room/bed there was drunk cuddling, spooning, and interlocking of fingers. And things like how she rested her head on my chest and caressed my hand during a film after a night out drinking. Or, how we'd swim at the beach in our underwear and she'd let me hold her to bring her into the cold water. We were always drunk though and it never seemed right to make a move.

My brain's so addicted now though. It keeps thinking of all the times she's hugged me from behind, or put her head on my shoulder, or brought me flowers! And then she turns right around and tells me that she's not trying to be romantic and that we're just friends.

I can't keep doing this. It's gotten to the point where I can no longer handle my feelings. I've been avoiding her as much as I can avoid a friend, but it's still not enough. And that's not fair to me, my new girl, nor is it fair to my friend.

So do I tell her? And if so how do I tell her? Do I make a move or forget her for a sure thing? Do I try salvage the friendship again or am I best to walk away?


What Girls Said 2

  • This is a really shitty situation, sorry you have to be in it OP.
    Imho and experience, I'd say: Consider how much you like the new girl and do you respect her enough to give her a fighting chance. If yes, then it might be best to stay away from your best friend. If you stick around her, 50/50 your feelings will not fade and you'll go into the relationship with a part of you reserved and you'll always be wondering "what if it was [best friend]" and stuff like that. Which is not fair to the new girl and not fair to you.

    But if you really think something might come out of you confessing to your best friend, then better let the new girl down gently, not string her along while you try to figure it out. That's, again, not fair to you or the girl or your best friend.

    Regardless, please be prepared for the very awful case in which you might lose a good friend. Not saying it'll happen for sure, but there's a possibility.

    But that's just one opinion.

    Source: One of my best friends apparently harboured a huge crush for me bordering on very real feelings and i didn't reciprocate the feelings, but i might have fucked up his budding relationship by keeping in contact acting like a normal friend as per his request. Now our entire friendship is fubar and not too sure how to approach it anymore.

    Good luck OP.

  • Life is too short! Tell her how you feel and if you guys are truly friends nothing will ruin that. If you both want to date but are scared about breaking up and ruining everything, talk it out and you'll feel better because if you are friends you can even be friends if you do break up. Although I find that people who are really good friends first end up being a better couple then people whe weren't, because you already know eachother and nothing will be awkward. So yeah I suggest just go for it, if you don't you WILL regret it.


What Guys Said 1

  • Keep seeing the new girl you're seeing. The "best friend" girl will still be around. She might like you more after you've been dating some other girl. Girls are odd like that.