I'm too ugly and pathetic for girls?

I'm 19 in college and I feel like I'm too ugly for girls because I'm 5'6 so that's too short as a man for women, I'm not confident because I don't feel like I'm a funny guy no matter how much I try and that's like THE #1 trait for girls to be attracted to them, I can't dress well no matter how much I try, I can't say the right things for girls to be interested in me, and I just feel like a failure in life because of my social anxiety. Sometimes I just feel like giving up because life nowadays is not a damn fairy tale where "one day you'll meet that special girl." Society now is too superficial on height and feel like I should go through surgery to increase my height. I work out, I play the piano (even though no girl would like that because it's not a real talent), I'm a geniune guy but that doesn't mean shit in this life. I freeze every time I "try" to talk to a girl and it's really hurting me inside. The only things that girls look for is whether he's good looking, tall, funny, and kinda jerkish and me I'm the opposite of those things. It's like I have a disease or something when I talk to girls. So should I throw in the towel and call it quits with women because I know is not going to hand me anything. This is really getting me frustrated.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Literally, your issue is your attitude towards women.

    Fun fact I keep trying to nail into guy's heads: women do not like JERKS. Women just don't like pushover, butt-kisser types or claim to just be "genuine" and "nice." Half of the self proclaimed "nice guys" are assholes that'll hold a door open for you and then expect you to go out with them.

    Now, with that out of the way, I know plenty of girls who date guys your height. I've gone on dates with guys your height. It's only a big deal for a few select girls who are more of the shallow variety or if YOU choose to make it a big deal and let it hold you back.

    We all have flaws, I used to have crippling anxiety to the point where I didn't want to leave the house, until I realized that letting it control me was hindering my life, and mine alone. I suggest you deal with that before you worry so much about women. It's turning you into one of the many bitter men that women avoid.

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    • 1mo

      Continued:

      Most women need a balanced man. A man who can be the good guy, who isn't just going to roll over and say what you want to hear. There is no woman with proper self esteem who wants to be with someone who is a jerk to them.

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    • 1mo

      I'm saying dating is completely foreign to me, but you don't seem to get it.

    • 1mo

      @ayylamo In my defense you weren't very clear.

Most Helpful Guy

  • YOU'RE the one letting your shortcomings affect you. Nobody else. You have to own up to that.

    Yes, of course nobody is going to hand you anything. Stop expecting people to. Humans are selfish, if you have nothing to offer, nobody will give two shits about you.

    So guess what? Time to start improving yourself. It ain't gonna be easy, but it's going to be worth it. Number one. Figure out how to dress. Find out what clothes fit you. Hire a stylist if you need to. Post pics on Reddit fashion and ask how you can improve. Then follow through and DO IT.

    Second. Figure out how to talk to people. Read one book: "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE" by Dale Carnegie. Use it like your Bible.

    Third. Switch your "ohhh pity me my life sucks i should just quit" attitude into "I have something to offer people. I am cool, I have skills, I have hobbies that are interesting to other people, I have funny stories to tell." Don't have those? Learn them. I play the piano and have impressed multiple women with it. So don't go knocking down the piano. Be the life of the party. Give people a reason to pay attention to you. Always strive to make the situation you're in more fun. People will gravitate towards you. Don't worry about girls for now. Just worry about being a fun person.

    You've got your mission. Now go out and commit to it, or sit on your ass alone until the day you die, and the world won't even notice you're gone.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Honestly there are several things in there that you mention that are actually attractive. I don't believe in the whole height surgery tho, you were made the way you are and therefore should not feel the need to completely alter your body. Because in all actuality i feel even if you were to change one aspect of yourself, if you truly don't appreciate yourself for you, you'll just find something else that hinders your confidence. And obviously you haven't met any decent girls and are making assumptions about what they do and don't like. B/c the whole piano playing IS actually attractive. But i don't feel its right to say that girls only care about those four things you listen. I personally don't go looking for a jerk. Have i ended up with several? YES but being with the last jerk i was with helped me realize that i had a great, genuine, kinda awkward :) guy that had been standing in front on me everyday. And now i'm with that cute, down to earth, and yes still kinda awkward at times, guy. :)

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  • Excuses, excuses, excuses. Stop being insecure, that's why you can't get a girl.

    And like, your attitude towards women sucks, and women can tell... another reason you can't get a girl. Stop projecting negative qualities on to girls. The problem is your own insecurity.

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  • If you think that women are only looking for "good looking, tall, funny, and kinda jerkish" men then that's your problem right there. They are not.

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    • 1mo

      They kinda are though

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    • 1mo

      Well i kinda beg to differ because that's pretty much what they are looking for and you know it's true.

    • 1mo

      Not true at all. Maybe the type of girl you are into is, but no girls I hang out with are like that.

  • It's like, a difficult thing because confidence is attractive and everyone says, "well be confident and secure in yourself" but the people that say that dont have a hard time because they don't have a hard time getting dates. Bottom line for me I guess is that I would say yes to date propositions with a lot more guys from different walks of life than a guy might expect. So I guess, you never know until you ask, but not like a halfassed text, an actual date.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Hey man I know how you feel. I've been there and lived that life lol. I didn't have friends growing up, I couldn't talk to anybody, but talking to a female would have me shaking and sweating and freaking out! Girls RAN AWAY and screamed, when I talked to them as a teenager. My social anxiety was insane, I couldn't talk to anybody, and anyone I did talk to immediately hated me. I thought I would be a virgin forever!

    But nowadays, I can talk to anybody. I'm still not good at flirting with girls, I won't lie. But I CAN talk to girls in a regular conversation. You CAN dress well, be fit, be funny, have social skills. You just have to work at it, and it's not going to happen over night. It took me YEARS to learn to talk to people. You have to actively work to improve all the areas that you know you are bad at. And you know you suck at them, you just said them all. And when it comes to height, I know short guys who have tons of confidence, who seem bigger than they are because of the way they act. No you don't need to be born like that.

    The first step is to stop making excuses. As I'm sure you're doing right now, "oh but I can't cuz of this, you could but I can't because of that!" God, fucking, damnit. Shut the fuck up, put the excuses down, I don't give a shit what you're excuse is, I've probably had a life 10x worse than you. Trust and fucking believe, you can overcome this shit. Every day of my life was a living fucking hell and it's amazing I didn't kill myself 100 times over. You just gotta tell yourself to stop being a little bitch, get off your ass, and work for the things you want to be.

    Personally I've had girlfriends, I was even married. From being incapable of talking to any human, let alone a female, to married, divorced, and back on the prowl again, if I can do it so can you. And I'm ugly as hell, so don't go say I'm handsome or some shit cuz I ain't.

    It's hard to understand what women want. But confidence is #1. I still lack confidence, especially in my looks. But you know what, I've been getting attention from cute girls a lot lately. It's very strange and foreign to me. But it feels soooooo good! I'm used to them avoiding me or being freaked out and grossed out. Now I can catch a girls eyes, and stare into them as we talk, and make her laugh, and have fun conversations. you can too, you just gotta quit the excuses and work for it.

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  • Focus on the positives in your life and don't let your negative traits weigh you down. So what if you are a little short, you can play piano and are a genuine guy. Confidence is about believing in that person you are and truly liking yourself. I find it helps to imagine yourself as the main character of a show like any of your favorite tv shows. It's the (your name) show and the spotlight's on you, so how are you going to impress the world you live in.

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  • If you can't like your self, why anyone else would?
    Change your mind, the surrounding will change too. To your logic there is no ''ugly'' men with a girlfriend or a wife, not even a relationship.
    Change your attitude towards your own self that what counts, don't care about what people think, don't be what others think.

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  • You freeze up because you're scared of being embarrassed. Just learn not to care. Life is too short to dwell on whether or not you can get girls. Plus girls can sense your lack of confidence. Stop comparing yourself to others.

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  • Women dont want guys like you. They want a man like Raymond Reddington. So ladies, forget incsecure guhs like this one and go out with me.

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  • Self proclaimed genuine guy is a thing...

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  • You are doing the world a favour by throwing in the towel since you're whining and bitching about your height and everything. Man up and do something about it.

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  • if you are so what?

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  • I feel the same way bro... hang in there

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  • You need to work for it. I am 5'10 & not that muscular, I look decent but not like Thor. Very few guys look like that. Be yourself and talk to more women. They find your insecurity repulsive.

    I used to be shy and a bit depressed last semester, my friend brought me back on track and I said f*ck it what's the worst that can happen... and most of the women I talk to are responsive except the ones that aren't single obvs. I've legit screwed only 1 girl until the age of 20 and then 7 girls this semester.

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