Do I chase him or leave it?

Ok so I've been on 3 dates with this guy and I really like him. Thought I blew it when I called him whilst drunk saying I was concerned he didn't want anything serious but he said it was all good.
I asked him if he was still free for Friday as he mentioned going out then on our last date! He said ye and his mate wanted a double date so he'd confirm with him and get back to me.
It's Wednesday and I haven't got a time yet! He did this on our 1st date, he was trying to organise the night before, I said I was cancelling then he got his ass into gear and gave me a time.
He's sooo laid back and I'm really not... that and he hasn't started his job yet so his concept of time isn't great...
Thing is I've gotta get a train in so I need a time at least. What do I do?
Just go with the flow and if he doesn't text assume it's off? Or message the night before?
I feel like I've been pushing him a bit to get details which I don't wanna keep doing...
Wasn't sure if maybe I backed off if I'd get more of an idea of his level of interest!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It appears that the two of you are at different points in your life and you’re actually different personalities and such aren’t always compatible with one another overall. From my perspective I know in the past people have said opposite attracts, but in this day and age, especially with women’s liberation and female empowerment being what it is, more and more girls like yourself and being more bold and assertive in what they desire, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    However, this also means that while you’re rushing furlong into what you desire, the guys around you might not always be at that point in their maturity or life as further along as you might be. Again, nothing wrong with that, we all develop at different rates, but it causes it to be difficult to develop a serious or meaningful relationship when two passing ships in the night are not heading in the same direction.

    With that being said, I feel that while you’re at this point in your life, this guy is only going to continue to frustrate you and push you to negative emotions like anger along with that frustration the longer you try to be with him and get him to ‘grow’ up as fast as you are or rather as further along as you are. True, most of the time, a person should fallow their heart, but one should always do what’s going to make you the happiest and that’s not always the same as what your heart desires. Sometimes what you want is not what you need. That’s my bottom line.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Stay silent. Wait until he says something. If Friday comes and he still hasn't said anything about a time, just drop him. Clearly you don't match if that happens, and I feel like if you somehow got into a relationship with him, this trait would drive you up the damn wall constantly. And that clearly would not be good. Like you're not even with this guy yet and he's annoying you already.
    So don't chase him. He said he'd get back to you. If he does, great. If he doesn't, he just proved to you that he's not worth it. So sit back this time and wait it out.

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    • 1mo

      Thank you! I'll take your advice!
      I was last to text him too so I'm definitely not messaging him. I've been chasing him up for details which is so frustrating and he knows I need the time cause I've made it very clear.
      It just sucks cause we've gotten close but like you said I don't need someone who's unreliable!

    • 1mo

      Right. If he waits until the last minute to tell you then clearly he doesn't care enough. Don't chase someone who isn't worth it.

What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him that you need a time to plan the train. Also let him know that if he is interested in more with you he needs to be a little more proactive.

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    • 1mo

      I have told him so many times haha! Thing is he's like it with everyone not just me...
      I did say he needs to get his ass in gear.
      I just asked if he was ok and he told me that it'll be sometime after 5 which is still a pretty wide window... he's waiting on his mate to get back to him. If he doesn't tell me I just won't be going, I can't make plans without times.

    • 1mo

      If you are special to him, he needs to treat you differently than he treats anyone else. I don't care how he is with everyone else, we are talking about how he is with you (don't mean to sound harsh, just truthful )

      The time he spends with you is more important than his friends time. He needs to make you a priority. If he doesn't start now, he never will.

      And yes, if he does get you an exact time, don't go. In the end, you need a man that can make plans and follow through and more importantly you need a man that puts you above and treats you differently than he treats his friends. You deserve that, we all do.

What Girls Said 1

  • If you can still operate and make plans on Thursday evening then wait it out. If you see him in person, tell him that it's difficult for you to make spur of the moment plans and would appreciate if he could maybe just let you know in advance. I've had to do this with my boyfriend at the beginning too because not all guys are very good at planning :P

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    • 1mo

      Right ok! I have work Friday morning but said I could catch a train when I get home and he said he'd chat to his mate first. I have tried to tell him this as I need to allow time for transport!
      Thing is I suffer from anxiety and not knowing what's happening makes it worse and I end up getting ill over it 😕
      Luckily I have no other plans on Friday so if I don't hear anything it'll be a lazy day haha.

    • 1mo

      Try to just wait it out but be sure to tell him again, in person. From there on, do not tolerate last minute plans :)

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