I have morals. And I am mad I'm dating a married man?

I am seeing a married man. Now before you judge me listen. I am 23 my fiancé passed away suddenly 2 years ago from a tragic accident. Since then I have found myself in a little bit of a break down ; not knowing how to handle grief or the feeling of "being alone" work keeps me busy but I am constantly reminded of him and all the memories and love we shared together.

I met my fathers friend who is 63. Now I know this age is yet sickening , but we find ourselves attracted to one another ; I have made it that I don't allow him to touch me or try and sleep with me even though he has been trying. I know his wife and I feel sick over the situation. My parents do not know about this ; and I found myself this morning balling my eyes out over the fact I have feelings for this old married man. I don't want to and I know it's not "normal" I also feel doing my own psychosis that I am attracted to the fun when we go out and have lunch and dinner mostly the companionship like me and my fiancé would do before he passed. How do i remove myself from this mess as I do know it is one ; he is very aggressive with me and he initiated this ; due to my morals and beliefs i will not go there ; to that place or no turning back. How do I cope with the grief without making stupid decisions?


0|0
6|12

Most Helpful Guy

  • " How do i remove myself from this mess as I do know it is one"?
    you simply end it

    "How do I cope with the grief without making stupid decisions"?
    allow yourself to grieve. surround yourself with family and friends who love you. talk to a therapist (which it sounds like you definitely should do).

    2|1
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • From my late mother's experience. You need to just back away. What she did was cut him loose on the get go, and never spoke to him again. This was way before she ever met my father. It was not her fault. Thankfully she never had sex with the guy. But he never told her that he was married, nor did he have his wedding band on. You just need to dump him immediately. You don't need to explain yourself to him. He is the one who cheated. But you have to be honest with somebody, especially your parents. And just explain to them that you had no idea. However if his wife does end up finding out, just tell her the truth. But you have to let him go. Its normal to feel attracted to somebody for whatever reason. But you have to come to a conclusion of your own convictions. You say you have morals, then you needs to act according to those morals. Or else you show that you don't have none. You don't cope. You just move on. Because if you cope, you will continue to see him and want him more. Become tempted, and god forbid end up doing something you will regret. And they have serious consequences. You don't know either or of their mindset.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Thank you for this I seriously mean it so I U

    • 1mo

      Much*

What Guys Said 11

  • He initiated but you agreed. You got yourself in it you can get yourself out

    1|1
    0|0
    • 1mo

      How do I do that without creating a awkward situation that makes my parents quite skeptical of our behavior

    • 1mo

      Super simple, "I'm ending what we're doing. I hope it won't make things awkward but this is over completely and permanently"

  • you know what to do. just do it. and maybe seeing a therapist will help too.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If he has a wife, and will brush her off for you knowing how badly you need to see a pastor and/or a therapist, then he is taking advantage of you - whether he will admit that to himself or not. Don't let it continue. A gal younger than myself should not be involved in something this messy with a man this old.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Find a close friend that is a women to share this with. Stop seeing this man one on one, if he continues let him know you are doing this out of respect for his wife.
    Are you close to your fiancé mom? If so maybe share these feelings with her.
    By the way good job on having morals and values and continue to stand strong.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would recommend talk to a therapist and ending this affair. Having someone to talk to this about could help you a lot and when you are ready go out and meet some new people make some friends.

    1|1
    0|0
  • well,.. just stop dating him unless you want another funeral soon.. i mean, he is 63

    1|0
    0|0
  • You have not progressed to any physical relationship at all and you are just using him for companionship and free meals?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      I mean I wouldn't say I'm using him considering I am just as wealthy as him and could pay my own way. So I wouldn't call that using someone

    • 1mo

      He wants more from you and you know that you will never allow that to happen but he keeps taking you out and you agree. You COULD afford to pay for your own but you don't; he pays for everything. How is that not using him?

      by the way, I am not suggesting that anyone should feel sorry for him. He is emotionally cheating on his wife and that is almost as bad as if he was poking you.

    • 1mo

      I agree with you and I can swallow my pride and admit that but I would gladly pick up the check so that I will disagree with but I appreciate and am thankful for your input

  • It's not easy, but I'm not acting out with young women. It sucks; your loss, if I figure it out I'll let you know.

    1|0
    0|0
  • "I have morals" hahaha no you don't!!! :-D

    #Homewrecker

    1|0
    2|0
  • Umm, I believe your morals went down the drain once you started dating a married man.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      NOBODIES sleeping with anyone so who's dating

    • 1mo

      Your morals went down the drain when you made your screen name I farted

    • 1mo

      I never had morals :)

  • Even hitler had morals dont mean they were good. Ur a terrible person

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Thanks !!! So are you

    • 1mo

      I know im a piece shit lol and im fine with it.

      Bur you only care about yourself. Dont cry for help if u know what ur doing is wrong. Either fix or become the little lust devil that u know are

    • 1mo

      Thanks.

What Girls Said 5

  • You need to put lots of space between you and the married man. The loss you felt from your late fiancé may have somewhat put in motion a desire to attatch yourself emotionally to someone who would give you that kind of attention even though its understandable. You also need to grieve properly the loss of your fiancé and it usually takes longer than two years. No one can tell you how to grieve him. I lost mine years back and it took me a while to get back from it but the married man isn't helping you. Especially not how he's treating you.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Thank you this means a lot. I am sorry for your loss as well, each day we get stronger

  • I think you need to join a grief group. I think you need to make new friends and people who are closer to your age. Open yourself up to others and seek love and friendship elsewhere

    1|0
    0|0
  • It sounds like you're lonely. At least you know what you're doing is wrong. You have to try to live life again. Maybe you're okay with this because he'll never be available so you can never truly lose him. I would hope you would pick yourself up and go out. I don't mean clubbing. But maybe to a restaurant, sit at the bar. Lay off your phone. Take a college class somewhere. But if you put some efforts into dating now you will see returns. The same way you would put effort into applying for jobs.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Thanks so much. I agree I need to be strong and put myself first

  • Why would you be attracted to this older man? I wouldn't even date a guy that much older than me. He isn't going to stop till he gets you in bed. Could you go to bed with him?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      No never. I wouldn't do that to his wife nor can I stomach it if I put it into all of reality

    • 1mo

      So you are stringing him along. It isn't fair to him or to you. The attention he is giving you he needs to be giving to his wife. You need to find a guy your own age to live your life with.

    • 1mo

      Agreed

  • Well dear we are both in the same situation... I have been crushing on a much older guy than me (he is 37 and I'm 23)... He has been married before and is currently in a common law relationship... I have been attracted to this guy for over a year now... I see him on a daily basis and I talk with him... I hate knowing that I am hurting another woman... Especially when my mom and sisters have all had men including my father cheat on them...

    I have always said I would not do it yet here I am... He carried me out once with friends.. But it was for my birthday and he wanted to go out alone the following weekend... I accepted but I just couldn't go through with it... I hate hurting people's feelings and having them angry with me... I did not know he was in a relationship and when I found out he told me the truth... I like people who are honest with me... And when he didn't try to hide it I fell for him even more... I know he only wants to have sex with me and I try my best to not be alone with him... But I still keep going back no matter how much I try to stay away... I am struggling with it too... And if my parents or his girlfriend finds out I am going to be dead meat...

    I have seen her and in all honesty she is preetier than... I guess I fell for the attention or the fact that I want something I can not have... Or maybe it is the fact that I have never been in a serious relationship before... I don't know...

    To not think about him too much and not wish and hope he was with me and not her... I do a lot of reading and I have buried myself in my work... Family and friends are my support systems too... I try to distract myself... It maybe easier for me too because we dont chat on the phone... Nor spend time alone...

    Go out and pamper yourself do things to make yourself happy...

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      I know exactly how you feel GIRL. It's hard because you feel wanted because you feel superior to his wife but then you realize that you aren't and that's how I feel. I've spent the whole day crying questioning why I would let a man treat me this way.

      And you want to know what hurt me the most which may apply to you ; is that I realized you and I may have weaknesses and they are preying upon it cause they know well love the attention. Think about it that way ; all I know is I want
      To walk away and I am making the decision it's only gonna bring drama and huge problems - I wish you the best xoxoxoxoxo and hang in there

    • 1mo

      I know its hard and it will be difficult to deal with alone... But I guess we both have to stay strong and put our feet down... Crying may help but for how long... Hope you work through it... And wish you find happiness you truly deserve... Xoxoxoxo

    • 1mo

      You too babe ! Remember we are women and we are STRONG !

Loading...