If you're in love with a friend who's taken, do you stop being friends?

Him and I are long term friends, for 10 years. He used to have feelings for me when we were younger, but I didn't feel the same. Now I do, I totally do. I've been in love with him for a year, but he has a girlfriend of 2 years now. He doesn't know about my feelings and I'm absolutely not planning to do or say anything until he is single again. It's not like I'm suffering or anything, I'm actually very happy if he's happy, he means a lot to me and his girlfriend is great. But it's true, I can't shake my feelings off about him. I'm dating and all, but somehow my heart always goes back to him and to that time when I was a stupid brat who rejected him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd still be friends but I'll do what I can to move on. no point in waiting around. you either move on, or not wait and tell him straight up how you feel and see what happens (like in those cheesy romance films) lol

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's really up to you, if you feel like you can maintain your friendship without feeling sad/upset and okay then sure be their friend but make sure you're aware of how you're acting for i. e. not displaying emotions of jealousy when he's talking about her taking her places etc.

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What Guys Said 4

  • If it doesn't hurt you to see him with another, than stay friends.

    I don't think I could do that if I really cared for that person. It would hurt too much so I would walk away.

    But sometimes you meet a friend that means so much to you that walking away is hard.

    Be there if he does break up with her, but do not wait for it.

    Good Luck

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  • So now he's good enough that you're getting old.

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  • You probably lost him. Men hold grudges about women who reject them when they're young and then come back when the man has reached his higher potential.

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  • I have a similar situation except I'm 3 years down the line and she's now single. I think you stay friends. I mean you like them as a person and get on too right? Do what you're doing and when they're single, at that point you can flirt.

    What do I do, I don't know!

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    • 1mo

      What do you mean you're 3 years down the line?

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      Dude she's single! Go for it! Don't do the same mistake I did. Regret is the worst feeling...

    • 1mo

      I know, but compared to earlier, she's taking her fine time to reply to texts. I don't get that. Where they bluetick you and delay. Her replies are very enthusiastic so I don't get it. What am I meant to do now she's single?

What Girls Said 9

  • first of all, you aren't in love with him~ you have a crush.

    that said, what's done is done. you can't change the past, so just keep being a good friend. who knows where it might lead?

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  • Cutting him off completely just assures that you'll never have a chance with him. He was still your friend when you didn't like him at the time. So, why turn around and throw him out of your life just becuase he either doesn't have the feelings you want him to have for you, or that he's dating someone else? You just never know what the future will hold.

    Also, i noticed you said you're dating right now, but that you're heart always goes back to your friend. Is that really fair to your current boyfriend? If you can't put your mind and eyes only on your boyfriend when you're too busy looking the other way, he deserves to be let go and be with a girl who does truly and honestly have feelings for him fully.

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  • I wouldn't stop being friends. It sounds to me like you have a good handle on things. You are okay with him having a girlfriend because he is happy. I think things are fine.

    I would just keep yourself occupied and while you are waiting do not close yourself off to other opportunities. Go on some dates, go out with friends, take some classes and enrich your life. When and if he becomes single again, he can then see how amazing you are :)

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  • Back up. If you're writing this, you're struggling with it. If you're struggling with it, distance yourself from it. Things like this never go unnoticed and madam shit will hit the fan... and when it does, not if, but when nobody will win. Everyone will be hurt.

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  • I have been there, we still like each other. Hell, we even tell each other ho to dress, and he avoids hanging out with me, just because. Yet, we are really good friends, and I am happy that although he moved on, when I finally decided to like him. He is doing well, and I love our friendship, so much perks to it. Keep him as a friend and move on, the love between you two will grow stronger

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  • I'd step back from the friendship a bit. Hang out more with other friends or start dating. He has a girlfriend, and they could be together for years/forever. Is it really worth loving someone you can't have and wasting time waiting for it to end?

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    • 1mo

      Yea, i got iver my friend by liking him and his girlfriend pics on fb and instagram, when they posted. Eventually, i got over it.

  • Just be with him as a friend altho it'll be hard on your part.

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  • Not ever

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  • The best thing to do is move on even if it means to end the friendship. You could try to tell him how you're in love with him but you want to end the friendship because you don't want to risk being hurt. How are you suppose to date if you still have feelings for him? Since you mentioned that you're dating but still have feelings for him, I can sence that you're feelings for him are preventing you from finding true love and this can hurt you in the future even if you don't see it. While he is married to her, you might still be having these feelings for him and that will ruined your chances of finding your partner. I would advise you to be honest with him and end the friendship. You could still greet him when you see him but don't get any closer then that. 💯

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