Are we supposed to put in effort into a relationship or not?

I was arguing with my friend about this. She says that no one should put effort in the relationship and that the relationship should be easy and enjoyable.
I was saying the opposite, the reason why we put effort is to show the person we like/love that we care about them and that we want them to be happy. If we put no effort into it then there's no relationship.
She said, effort = work and it shouldn't be a chore. So most of the things we do should feel effortless.

Who is right? Are we supposed to out effort into a relationship or not?

  • Yes, we have to put effort into it to make it work
    89% (67)81% (30)87% (97)Vote
  • No, we dont have to put effort into it to make it work
    4% (3)11% (4)6% (7)Vote
  • Other
    7% (5)8% (3)7% (8)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • For the love of mankind, please do not listen to your friend. You absolutely have to put work into a relationship, especially if you care about the other person. Just because it's "work" doesn't mean it's a chore.

    Learning a new skill (how to play the piano, how to cook, how to paint, whatever) is "work" but if it's a passion, you don't mind the work. It's the same with a relationship. If you don't actually like the person (whether you know it consciously or feel it subconsciously), then yes, putting in the effort does feel like a "chore." But if you're with "the one" - the person you feel like is the best match for you, working on your relationship won't feel like a chore.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its actually both, you shouldn't have to feel like you are putting effort in... but you actually are.

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    • 1mo

      Exactly. It becomes second nature to consider your partner when making a decision, or to ask their opinion on something. So it's not really effort.

    • 1mo

      Thanks for MHO

What Girls Said 16

  • Wow, she needs to stay out of relationships and avoid marriage then. Because her's will fail. I'm not lying. How can one think relationships should be a breeze? Its not. At least not always. And that is far from reality. Everything takes effort. But that solely depends on the kind of relationship you have, with whom, the kind of partner you got, your goals and aspirations with it. If you don't set up goals for the future in your relationships; then its bound to fail every single time. Because your dealing with one person who wants to move forward, and another who wants to remain stagnate because their too comfortable to move. Relationships are about change. You go as you should grow. Not be in a dead end.

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  • Depends what you mean by effort.

    The relationship shouldn't feel like work. Getting along with each other should come easily. I think that's what your friend was getting at. I think a l9t of people take the "a relationship takes work" thing way too far and assume it means that it's normal for a relationship to be stressful. It's not. A relationship should be a source or strength and comfort, not something that drains you.

    However, when you share your life with another person you do need to consider them in most of you decisions. You need to compromise and discuss things. That's effort, and anyone who doesn't put that effort in doesn't belong in a relationship.

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    • 1mo

      But if your relationship feels like work more often than it feels like leisure, you've got a problem.

  • I think that a relationship shouldn't be exhausting and difficult, but it does need maintenance.
    Time, thought and effort all have to be invested for it to work

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  • of course you have to put effort into a relationship; however, i think what your friend means is that, in the right relationship, it shouldn't feel like work.

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  • The reason relationships break down is because one or both people stop putting the in the effort. It's naive to assume no effort needs to be put into a relationship.

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  • I think your relationship should make it easy for you to want to put effort in. Like, you should WANT to make your significant other happy and vice versa and they should make it easy for you to want to go the extra mile to do something spontaneous or do something extra romantic.

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  • I don't know what you mean by effort. If you mean like you should force yourself to happy all the time, no. But if you mean like communication and respecting one another, yes.

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  • I do, you have to keep growing and putting in work means that you are growing as a person to be a more loving person.

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  • I think there should be effort. However, there should never be more effort from one person in the relationship. You will en up being used, taken advantage of and hurt. It's a two way street :)

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  • Duhh how else is it supposed to work...

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  • All relationships have ups and downs so you need to work together to have a good relationship. During the downs of the relationship you have to work together to go back to an up. Those who think otherwise may not understand how a relationship works

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  • Relationships take effort. They don't "just happen".

    The people who say things like "just let it happen" are often the people who can't hold relationships for very long. Think about it.

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  • Any relationship, be it a romantic, friendly or familiar, needs some (or lots of) effort.

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  • You need to put in some effort to make it work, but if the relationship should still be enjoyable and not like a job.

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    • 1mo

      When life hits you, it hits you fast and hard. There will be times when everything is easy, he or she maybe attentive, generous with their time and affection for you, and say and do all the right things, and then there will be times (hopefully this never happens to you) that you or your SO may get laid off, bills start adding up, children are acting out, and out of the blue your car stops working. At times like these when you are already streched thin, any type of negative interaction with your SO may seem like a chore. But it's up to you to work on it. To hold each other up. Not to head for the hills or run into the arms of another because it helps you forget about the responsibility you left at home.

  • You're right, she's wrong. When you can't be bothered, and don't make effort for your partner... Unless they've got no standards or zero self esteem, they won't be your partner for very long.

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  • What at stupid question

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What Guys Said 5

  • Some relationships need an effort, yes.

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  • Yeah! Everything will work magiclly in your relationship without even communication, just two people who come from different families with different backgrounds and it's pretty damn stupid to work on knowing each other (FULL SARCASM).

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  • guys more than girls especially

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  • The term "effort" is being misused. She's talking about compatibility. You're talking about affection. Neither of these is "effort".

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  • Relationship dynamic for most relationship.

    Men put in 80% of the effort. Women 20%. Women keep men happy with sex. Men must entertain woman and/or provide for them.

    If this is broken then so to is the relationship.

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