Can't understand him.

OK I'm warning you from the start this is gonna be a long post lol. I met this guy who I thought was just a bartender in Oct. turns out he owns it as well. I gave him my number the night I met him while he was working and always had to make the first move. Asking to hang out, making out, sleeping together yada yada. Except for one time, he was drunk and asked me to hang out 2 days later, but then bailed as usual. He is very shy and thought he liked me. A few months later he calls things off and his reasoning was because he didn't want to lead me on. (I was confused by this cause I was making all the moves and not ever mentioning a relationship or anything. Not ready for something serious at all)

He then one night told me his real reason was because he felt like I always wanted to hang out. He owns a bar and goes to school so I would makes plans with him and he would for whatever reason have to bail so I would ask about another day. That was what he saw as wanting to hang out too much. If he actually hung out with me one of those days I wouldn't of had to ask for another day. I told him I only wanted to hang out once a week outside the bar and he thought that was a great idea and wanted to know the catch. There is none and he was on board, but the next time I asked him to hang out it was a different story.

We still talk and for the past few weeks he's been talking to me more and staring at me all the time. One of my friends went out with me and when we left she was like omg he was like stalker staring at you. Which naturally made me happy ha ha. I just don't know what he wants now. Does he just want sex? (Oh right see he wasn't for the having sex at first because he never took me out anywhere or anything, at that point I didn't require it and eventually got him into bed) Or would he actually want to hang out? Cause I would like to actually hang out this time and work towards having sex again. Is that ever possible?

I really do like this guy, but I don't want things to be too serious and I also don't want to ask him to hang out again and make an ass out of myself if he says no. I know the most common response is going to be wait for him to make a move, but he wont. He won't with any girl he's just so shy. So I don't want to wait too long and have some other make the first move on him and my game be over...

FYI he's 29... I don't mind being a FWB, but I would like that friend portion of it. This one guy I was FWB with for some time would come over watch a movie, hang out, some times we wouldn't even have sex. I felt less like a whore and more like a FWB lol
He's not cheap, he wanted to go out with me just didn't have the time. If we hung out it was like 11pm and watch tv. And its every time now he stares, which is what confuses me. I'm just worried I'll look like an ass cause I'm reading him wrong.


Most Helpful Guy

  • When he said he didn't want to lead you on, he meant it. He isn't looking for anything that even resembles a relationship at this point. On the other hand if you go to him and straight up just say that you aren't looking for a relationship either and tell him that you just want him as an FWB (that's what it sounds like your looking for sorry if I misinterpreted it), he will probably be less hesitant about spending time with you because honestly, what guy that isn't in a relationship doesn't want at least one FWB that they can rely on.


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What Guys Said 1

  • The man definately sounds like he needs his space. He won't make a move? Pffft, sounds to me like he's losing out, shy or not. I'd say go ahead and move on, but if you feel the need to answer a "bootie call" from time to time, I'm sure he'd dial. Live your life girl, don't get stuck in neutral.


What Girls Said 2

  • men like the fact that women like them. plain and simple. he probably thinks that you're into him because you asked him out a couple of times and when he thought that you were really getting into him, he made it clear to you that he didn't want to lead you on. go slow. you could go to his bar and hang out. if he really wants to hang out wih you, he will at least hint you even if he's shy. don't fool yourself into believing that he won't even hint because he's that shy, because had that been the case, he'd have never gone out with you. And since you've already been out a couple of times he should AT LEAST have the balls to ask you to hang out casually if nothing else if he wants to.

  • It sounds like he could just want sex, if he was happy about hanging out only once a week. The not taking you out thing could be because he's cheap? No offense at all, I don't know him but its a possibility. He may not have been the one to make a move first because he's shy, or didn't want to scare you off. I wouldn't say he's staring because he likes you, you obviously caught his attention that night. If you were doing something wild or ignoring him, then of course he's going to stare lol. I think the best thing you can do is tell him that you like his company and want to keep hanging out and having sex on a non commited basis and that you want him to call you. You shouldnt wait for him to make a move, but after you tell him what you want, the ball is in his court. And remember, this guy owns his own business and is in school, he obviously knows how to get what he wants. So stop worrying, look hot, and let him know you want him and if you are what he wants then he will come get you.