Is he a scam or could he be really sincere?

I met this guy through a dating app, and then he came to my country to visit me for a week.
We did meet and had a good time (no sex). And I agreed to be his girlfriend later.

Then he went back to his country but now he’s trying to come and start working here to end the LDR situation.
The problem is, he said he’s out of money due to previous flights and travels so he needs my financial help.

When we were together, he seemed really sincere. (By the way, he paid for all when he came visit me last time including his own flights and accommodation etc.) But concerning money, I am more careful and thus I am wondering if he is a scam or anything alike?

What would you do in this situation?
I know LDRs seldom work out but I still hold out some hope on him being really genuine.

Any advice or suggestion is appreciated!

Updates:
1mo Update: I called him out on my concerns and he got really angry that I don't trust him. But then he said he will wait for me to think it through that he's not using me, and he will work it out if I have faith in him even though I don't give him money. I'm more confused now :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anytime someone asks for money early in a relationship that should spark red flags. If not a scam, sounds like he would need more help and you might feel obligated to do a lot more (money, sex, move in) if he moved and 'couldn't find work'. You would think it's your fault. You asked the question so your internal alarm went off! Trust yourself!

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    • 1mo

      I have thought about your points too.
      What do I do now?
      Ignore him or call him out on this?

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    • 1mo

      In his point of view, he does try to make it work by researching on how to get a working visa etc. he just can't come up with enough money lol

      I am not sure whether to tell him this way or just be silent @@

    • 22d

      In response to your update. He really had only 2 choices. To either stop talking or go with it for now. Keep in mind, it's possible, and very likely if this is a scam, that he is doing the same thing with 5+ other girls and he is going for the long game.

      Some things here seem like a red flag, while others seem genuine. No one knows for sure but him. Just be careful, falling for someone can give you blinders to bad signs. My father fell for someone from another country. Once she moved here and married him she spent every penny he had, charged all credit cards, got a green card and dropped him like a bad habit.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd cut all contact with anyone who requested money from me. It's naive to assume he's genuine. Genuine people would never ask for your help like that. He's probably manipulated you by paying for certain things , knowing he'll con you for more than he's paid out. I'd rather assume he's insincere than risk being scammed.

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    • 1mo

      I see where you are coming from. And I think you are almost right. Thanks!

What Guys Said 10

  • Well there are numerous issues here. IF he does come over to live, what kind of immigration status would he be under? How long would he be allowed to stay under the immigration laws? Can he even come over here again so soon after that recent trip? What country is he from by the way? Ask him about these immigration issues and see how he responds. And by the way, don't give him money. I am curious to see how he responds when you ask.

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    • 1mo

      He needs working visa to stay here, and that takes time, so he planned to come to a near country where he can get longer stay with normal visa to apply his working visa here. Kinda complicated lol

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    • 1mo

      Yeah, I kinda think so too. Now I am basically being quiet on him, maybe we both need time to process all these. And if he can't wait or stand with this, I'll have my answers. I can't think of other method to figure out his real intentions so that's the only thing I can do now. Isn't it?

    • 1mo

      Is he on any sort of social media like Facebook or LinkedIn? If so, how does what you see there match up with what he says about himself? If he is on Facebook, how does he interact with friends on there and what kind of posts does he put up?

  • 100% scam. He wants to move country for a girl he's seen for a week? Lol no he wants to become an illegal immigrant and he wants your cash it do it.

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    • 1mo

      I did thought of this possibility, but my country is a small one that I don't think he needs to do this to come lol

  • lol bever heard of a scammer shelling out tons of cash on flying over to see a girl and pay for everything...

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    • 1mo

      I see your points and that's why I am in such a dilemma :(

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    • 1mo

      Well if its not a scam or there aren't any surprises for you, then it seems he could be quite solid.
      you're welcome, good luck with everything, hope it all works out :)

    • 1mo

      Yeah, I hope so too!!
      Have a great day :)

  • give what you have, and leave the rest. Life is a learning place. be real to yourself and others

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    • 1mo

      Can you be more precise?
      I am real to him :/

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    • 1mo

      give a little if you have doubts, sit and watch back, if he ask again then there is a problem unless he does not have a job.

    • 1mo

      He said he will eventually come back here for work so he's not really searching for a long-term job now.

  • id be cautious as this sounds like a scam to get into your country get a vise and then most likely disappear with your stuff

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    • 1mo

      That's what I worry about :(

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    • 1mo

      I try my best not to, hopefully won't run into any guy like this in the future :/

    • 1mo

      once you see the signs its a lot easier to avoid them. Feel free to follow me if you fancy a chat :)

  • I don't know. If you move the guy over and it doesn't work out, he'll be stuck in the country. I wouldn't move a woman across boarders to be with me... because 100% of my relationships have failed... when I put it that way... God.

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    • 1mo

      Sounds more like a scam now then before. I would defiantly not rush into anything now. Good luck! Choose wisely!

    • 1mo

      I am not rushing. I will take things slow and see where it goes. Thank you!

  • If he paid to come over the first time, I doubt it's a scam. Ifbit is, it's a very deep scam. That said, is this really something you want to do? It's one thing to support your partner once you've been together for a while, but an entirely different thing to start out with a person who can't support themselves.

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    • 1mo

      Your last sentence is what I am worried about.
      Any way to figure it out?

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    • 1mo

      I hope I grow some after this, thanks a lot for your input!

    • 1mo

      Anytime. Good luck!

  • You questioning it indicates you don't have a strong bond. No strong bond = No money.

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  • Do not give him any money to be on the safe side. If he could afford all that he would be able to afford another trip.

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    • 1mo

      I think it's better not to give him too.

  • How long have you 'been together'?

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    • 1mo

      6 months

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    • 1mo

      No worries! You deserve it after being screwed over by that guy so I'm glad to help in any way that I can.

    • 1mo

      Thanks again :)

What Girls Said 3

  • Eh, he paid for all if his stuff when he was there. Did he feel like an insincere person during his visit? Do you plan on never helping out someone you claim to care about a lot? Wouldn't you think someone who cared a lot about you would help you out sometimes?

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    • 1mo

      The point here is, I do want to believe he's sincere, but we didn't spend that long time enough for me to understand him as a whole. It isn't like we are in a solid relationship for years.

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    • 1mo

      I don't mean to be rude to your suggestion, instead, I really appreciate that.
      I just really want to grasp a bigger picture. Sorry.

    • 1mo

      No need to apologize. It's just that if someone goes out of their way to make you happy, whether you asked for it or not, I would think you would want to try and return the favour. I know I would. But I guess we're just different people.

      Anyway, that's all I really had to say on it.

  • I wouldn't, say you can't afford it. If he really wants to move he'll have to save up his own money

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  • think he's a scam man

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