Hi, I'm a 5'5 (age 20) Asian college student and I'm feeling pretty down in the gutter. I'm short and Asian which unfortunately is a turn off for many women. I'd like to think that I'm pretty stylish and facially I'm handsome (maybe 7-8), but it seems no one likes Asian guys.. Physically, I'm pretty short and I have a lean, muscular swimmers body, so I think that is a plus. This isn't me, but as close as I can get while maintaining my privacy:
Personality wise, I try to be friendly and kind to everyone I meet. Internally, I'm full of self loathing and my self-esteem has hit rock bottom. On the outside, I'm upbeat and confident and don't let my inner demons show. My hobbies include traveling, reading, learning about history, playing the piano and guitar, singing, video games, films, dramatic tv shows, swimming, hiking and cooking. I am open to new experiences, am very well read, and like to talk to people about different things. I was rejected by one of my closest friends and am disgusted by myself. She said that I was her "best guy friend" and I thought of her as my best "girl friend." I cut contact from her because it would make me feel terrible to see her in relationship with a guy that isn't me. She was a really good friend and I really fell in love with her. We hung out together almost every day in the dorms. We were classmates and worked together on a couple of projects. We even went on two dates. We went to the Talking Dead together because we both love the walking dead. During valentines day, I sent her a letter telling her how I felt and a Plush Pikachu, because she loves Pokemon. On The second date, I proposed that we both go to Disneyland because she never went and we're both big disney fans.
After this happened, I cut contact with her because it hurt to be so in love with someone I truly care about who doesn't feel the same way,