Hate myself-help and unrequited love! (long post)?

Hi, I'm a 5'5 (age 20) Asian college student and I'm feeling pretty down in the gutter. I'm short and Asian which unfortunately is a turn off for many women. I'd like to think that I'm pretty stylish and facially I'm handsome (maybe 7-8), but it seems no one likes Asian guys.. Physically, I'm pretty short and I have a lean, muscular swimmers body, so I think that is a plus. This isn't me, but as close as I can get while maintaining my privacy:

Hate myself-help and unrequited love! (long post)?





Personality wise, I try to be friendly and kind to everyone I meet. Internally, I'm full of self loathing and my self-esteem has hit rock bottom. On the outside, I'm upbeat and confident and don't let my inner demons show. My hobbies include traveling, reading, learning about history, playing the piano and guitar, singing, video games, films, dramatic tv shows, swimming, hiking and cooking. I am open to new experiences, am very well read, and like to talk to people about different things. I was rejected by one of my closest friends and am disgusted by myself. She said that I was her "best guy friend" and I thought of her as my best "girl friend." I cut contact from her because it would make me feel terrible to see her in relationship with a guy that isn't me. She was a really good friend and I really fell in love with her. We hung out together almost every day in the dorms. We were classmates and worked together on a couple of projects. We even went on two dates. We went to the Talking Dead together because we both love the walking dead. During valentines day, I sent her a letter telling her how I felt and a Plush Pikachu, because she loves Pokemon. On The second date, I proposed that we both go to Disneyland because she never went and we're both big disney fans.

Updates:
1mo During the fireworks, I confessed in person how awesome I thought she was and I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she said that I was the perfect guy for her, but she only saw me as a friend, which was crushing.
After this happened, I cut contact with her because it hurt to be so in love with someone I truly care about who doesn't feel the same way,
1mo NOT BECAUSE I'M SOME NECKBEARD WHO PRETENDS TO BE A FRIEND TO GET IN HER PANTS AND PUTS IN FRIENDSHIP COINS AND FEELS ENTITLED TO A GIRLS BODY. (I think fake guys like this are disgusting, but I also think a lot of people are EXTREMELY unsympathetic about unrequited love and love to demonize the guy, who genuinely care about the rejector)

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What Girls Said 1

  • not sure what you're asking...

    but this girl, don't let it eat you up
    she's one in a sea of many
    from reading, i think she was overwhelmed by your plans
    next time around, gauge someone's interest by being more flirtatious before anything else

    as for height
    yeah 5'5" is short
    but it's not the end of the world
    i've seen many guys of that height with girlfriends (usually Asian gf)

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What Guys Said 2

  • You sound like an awesome guy but your not being yourself!!! Maybe people can sense your fakeness, and it is stupid but if you are living around white people some won't be accustomed to the Asian or African physicalities and would make it harder for you to find people who aren't afraid of difference. I think you need to have a way to find yourself before looking for others to fulfill yourself.

    Best of Luck,
    Your Friend,
    PartialisticMan

    P. S. Life is not about the search for your "soulmate" that is just an optional step along the way these days. Good luck with life :).

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  • Find yourself an Asian girlfriend. If you are hopeless you can go back to Asin.

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