Too "chill?" A guy I was dating did not know I wanted a relationship? Thought I was only interested in keeping things casual?

I have been hooking up/dating this guy. Finally told him I liked him - he was shocked. He said that he used to have a crush on me, and wanted a serious relationship, but that I was so chill he got a vibe that I was uninterested in him in that way. This is very strange to me because I thought I had made it very obvious that I liked him by hanging out, having sex, inviting him to do things with me. I even texted him a few weeks before I told him I liked him and said, "I had so much fun with you the other night. I cannot hardly stop thinking about you!" Anyways now he has started dating another girl. He said he wishes he had known I liked him sooner so we could have maybe become something. I feel so confused, and am still hoping to hear from him even though I know it is unlikely.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly.. from the sound of it he may have played you amazingly well. By this I mean that maybe he kind of wanted you as a fuck buddy/wanted it to be casual and then when you admitted you liked him he claimed that you were the one who seemed chill not him. From what you said, you made an effort to show you liked him and he didn't get that you texting him you liked him meant that you liked him. I don't get how that happens unless he is insanely dense. The only thing I can think of is that he pretty much flipped the script on you and said he thought you were casual when in reality he wanted it to be casual the whole time. The fact he is also dating another girl kind of hints at what I'm saying because if he liked you as he said he wouldn't have another girl already lined up. It sounds like he tried to come off as the good guy when in reality I think he played you. That's just my two cents but either way I'm sorry for ya.

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    • 1mo

      Thanks a lot. I'm sorry too. It hurts, but I think that what you are saying is pretty accurate. Looking back he definitely wanted me as a fuck buddy, while he also searched for other women he was more interested in. It just sucks that he did not see me as "relationship material" maybe simply because we were having sex. I do not mind the fact that he was dating around, I was/am too. We never said we were exclusive, I had just hoped we would eventually get there. Another question for you though, I am curious what you will say. Do you think he intentionally played me, or that it just sort of ended up happening that way? I just ask because I still think this guy is a decent person, to me anyways he seemed genuinely sad to have hurt me. Is this still part of the act? Thanks so much!

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    • 1mo

      But worrying about guys and sex is so much more fun than worrying about life stuff!! Hahaha I am in the same boat as far as homework goes. Good luck with that essay. Sounds good though.

    • 1mo

      Haha I guess so but I'd rather be worry free but maybe that's me :P thanks have a good one !

Most Helpful Girl

  • See part of the problem is you went in for sex too easily without expressing romantic interest in him beforehand or early enough afterwards. You may have been scared of coming off as clingy and it is a fine line to walk before being pegged a "crazy bitch" or just getting friend zoned.

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    • 1mo

      How could I have expressed romantic interest, what should I have said or done? Thank you!

    • 1mo

      Definitely just flirt a lot and text him and stuff. I can't say I'm an expert on winning over guys because I also was friend zoned by a guy I had been sleeping with and I had to watch him get a girlfriend in front of me. It really fucking hurts, I know. But overall I think the indication of attraction should be there after sex takes place even if you don't have the awkward "what are we?" conversation. I think your best bet is to deal with this temporary broken heart and try to move on.

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