Why do we as women have to use sex as a "tool"?

I like having sex. I also am interested in having a committed relationship, and am in the process of dating. For me personally I like to have sex early on in the relationship. It's fun! Why not? I am a strong person and have never felt that this means I am a "slut" or "whore." Many people view me as "too easy" though and think that this is why guys are not committing to be with me. I hate that sex is seen as a tool to get a guy to commit, but I am starting to see no alternatives? Am I going to have to give up having sex in order to try to find a guy truly interested in me? Any feedback is appreciated, especially if you have been in similar situations.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Eh depends. If you're "too" available so to speak, then you tend to be less interesting or valuable to a guy, unless you luck out and bump into a good guy you have great chemistry with that you hit it off with. I've had sex with girls I never talked to again and I've had sex with girls that became my girlfriend shortly there after. Having sex too soon wasn't the issue. It had everything to do with our chemistry and who she was as a person. One girl was someone that cheated on all of her boyfriend's. That showed me some about her character and her baggage. Not something I wanted part in.

    The other girl was legitimately funny and made me laugh. Was just a cool girl. Conversation could go to any given topic and it was always interesting. Sexual flirting was effortless. No try hard feeling to it. Ended up having sex on our first date (technically before the date). Ended up dating her for 2 years.

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    • 1mo

      Sex is fun. Sex is cool. Just make sure that's not all you're offering to the guy and that you are screening him for qualities you like in a guy. Qualities outside of him simply being physically hot enough.

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    • 1mo

      I get what you are saying, this is very helpful. However I am just thinking about what you are saying in the first sentence, that I as a women am only interesting or valuable to a man because of sex. This sucks. I do not know if it is true or not, but I really hope that this is not true entirely because it makes me sad for the world. Thanks for your imput though really, gave me a lot to think about. It's great that you and that girl dated for two years AND had sex right away. :)

    • 1mo

      It was pretty intense. I don't know I'd recommend it to others lol, but it did work out for me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Instead of worrying about how to use sex as a tool, focus on finding partners that aren't assholes who think that their penises make you dirty or lesser from touching them.

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What Guys Said 5

  • A guy who only sees you as an easy lay just because you has sex early was probably not going to commit long term anyway.

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  • Insecure women do this. They don't feel they have any value other than their sexual value.

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    • 1mo

      I know I have value in many many ways. I do not feel like I am an insecure person, in fact I would say I am very secure in my sexuality and sexual needs. I could see how somebody very insecure might do this, however I want to clarify that this is not the case here.

    • 1mo

      Well I'm just answer the title of this question. I sleep around as well lol. No issues here. I imagined a girl using sex as a tool to get herself in a relationship with a guy. Which girls have done w/ me. Always end up being the asshole.

  • Women could never use sex as a tool against me cause I'm not interested in sex

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  • you WANT to have sex. blaming it on guys is an excuse. if i told you to wait till marriage would you wait? no. cause as an "experienced woman" you'd like to see if we are "sexually compatible"... .

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    • 1mo

      Makes sense - I do want to see if we are sexually compatible for sure. However I am confused by what you mean by "blaming it on guys is an excuse." Blaming what? Thanks :)

    • 1mo

      you know the whole "guys dont get in a relationship with you if you dont give them sex"... . like its only a guys thing... .

  • Think of it this way. if you could get something you want and something else out of it by haggling sex wouldn't you do the same?

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What Girls Said 0

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