Am I wrong in thinking that I deserve a "hot" girl?

Let me explain, when I was in school I always kept getting rejected because I was that kind of douchebag nerd who only went after the hottest girls. And I remeber when I was told I needed to lower my standards and possible date a chubby girl it bothered me a lot. I hated the fact that I was in a position where couldnt get the prettiest girl.
When I started at university I wanted to work on myself so I immediately began lifting and now 2+ years later I've become really muscular, not crazy huge, but I am buffer than most guys.
And when you are at the gym you see all these super gorgeous girls with fit bodies, big round butts from all the squats they do, fit figure and all that and I feel as if I deserve that kind of girl.

In other words, I didn't put 600+ hours in at the gym so I could end up dating a fat or mediocre girl. Am I wrong for thinking that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You probably can get a sexy gym girl, but if you lose track that she's a human being and not a status symbol you "earned" ... you're going to make her (and eventually yourself) miserable. I had a long relationship with a guy like that myself - a "nerd" on a power trip. It's ugly. He kept working for all these things that proved he was valuable, but could never figure out why people still didn't like him.

    Focus on getting along and respecting her, not seeing her as a prize you won. Same goes for your career, your belongings, your body. Be grateful and feel good about them, but don't base your entire self worth on "beating" the other guys.

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    • 1mo

      Ditto on the girl - don't put up with bullshiy because she's got a great booty. These outer markers of success only make people happy for a few weeks. You have to seek balance.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Get the word "deserve" out of your vocabulary. It's just a toxic word that breeds toxic entitlement and delusions of your own self-worth. Especially, in terms of "deserving" women since they are under no obligation to act in a way you desire.

    Your looks actually don't matter as much as you think they do. You're not getting those hot girls because they don't like your personality. It's not that there's something *wrong* with your personality, it's just not interesting or desired by the girls you are attracted to.

    I used to be a shy, nerdy guy who was quite muscular and fit but I was too in my own head and my conversations with women never felt natural and, as you would expect, I had terrible luck with "hot" girls. After a lot of self-growth, I find really attractive women flirting with me and my luck is the complete opposite despite being in comparatively worse shape physically.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Yes you're wrong for thinking that... Just because you "worked" hard doesn't automatically mean you deserve a hot girl coz think about it this way every fuckin' person out is working hard on something be it be successfully or not, doesn't that mean they too deserves a "hot" girl? So stop being so self centred about what you think YOU deserve, And just coz someone is fat doesn't mean they are NOT hot and just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they are automatically hot. what makes you think YOU are even hot enough to date any of them? Or even close to it. Your narcissistical mindset is probably the reason why you're going to be single and alone forever now THAT you deserve. Unless you stop thinking you're better than everyone and perhaps "too good" for some girls then dick you might as well get used to the rejection life. Because even if you do get a "hot" girl i highly doubt she'd want you long term if she the only reason why you are with her. I'm a little on the skinny side and i actually want to gain a bit of weight and from what you're saying if i was with some as much of an ass as you they'll probably dumb me if i gained a pound😂😂 i actually stopped going to my gym coz of dickheads like you who only want me for my body. If you stop being so egotistical about your body and IGNORANT about what you think you "derseve" maybe then.. just maybe then you'll get someone who you ACTUALLY deserve and won't regret it. Hopefully i helped... good luck.

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  • You don't "earn" a woman because you put in time at the gym. How about being a decent guy? And to be honest now instead of a douchbag nerd you sound like a buff douchbag so good luck with that

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    • 1mo

      Bitter much? Or femninazi?

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    • 1mo

      You're the exception. Weight bothers me.

    • 1mo

      @Marinepilot good for you.

  • Stop dude, you're getting too hung up about what you think you deserve, focus that energy on being a decent human. Putting time in at the gym does not mean you get automatic rights to all hot girls and thinking like this will not get you very far.

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    • 1mo

      I dont see why I should date a girl who does not put as much time into running and squatting as I put into pumping arms, back and chest

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    • 1mo

      If you are lets say a highly educated career woman who works her tail off to accomplish great things would you date a guy who lives on welfare?

    • 1mo

      I understand wanting to date someone with the same motivation in the same areas, I'll give you that, but I stand by my original point.

  • I mean everyone deserves to have someone they are attracted to. But if looks and I mean supermodel status looks are all you are looking for, you will never find anyone. Personality and connections are much more important than being a 10. for example I might think that someones looks are good but when they open their mouth and nothing but shallow, bigotry, or douchebag comments come out i'd be totally turned off by them, even as eye candy. You deserve someone you have a connection to but don't be an asshole if that person isn't utterly the most gorgeous person in the world at first glance. Sometimes love just finds you in weird ways. I fell in love with my best friend and trust me I didn't expect that at all.

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  • If you are in their league aka stand an actual chance with them without getting rejected because you are butterface or for whatever other reason you are totally good.

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    • 1mo

      Whats with the butterface. My face is average, and face dont matter that much to guys anyway, there's a reason guys dont wear make up.

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    • 1mo

      Because society has dominated that makeup is a feminine trait. And that guys who wear it are deemed outsiders to everyone within society. Even then I've seen guys wearing makeup. All if not most, actors wear makeup and so do many guys in bands and solo artists.

    • 1mo

      @19magic Well thats my point, a guys facial attractiveness is not as important as it is for girls. Otherwise guys would also wear makeup to cover flaws.

  • There's nothing wrong with wanting a fit girl if you're fit yourself. However, I think being a bit more open-minded about the bodies of the girls you're willing to date will make it easier for you to find someone you really click with. Each to their own though :)

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    • 1mo

      The heart wants what the heart wants. With 4 billion women in the world, he
      can surely find the hot girl he's looking for. I always stick to my standards
      and I never, ever settle. Yes , even at my age.

    • 1mo

      @Marinepilot I wasn't saying he should settle for someone unattractive. However, from experience, I think opening up a bit more can have surprisingly good effects on your dating life.

    • 1mo

      We disagree.

  • No, you're not. You'd only be wrong if you yourself weren't trying to look good or fit, but I don't necessarily think you believe you deserve a hot girl, but rather a girl with your lifestyle. There's plenty of hot girls who are small but are out of shape and don't have the body that you're describing. Most guys who go to the gym and lift and watch their diet want someone who will do the same.

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  • if you find pretty girl that wants you wh bother
    there must be a girl like that
    if you don't mind it I don't see the problem
    there are planty pretty girls with ugly/mediocre guys

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  • So you are interested in her look more her personality? This is so wrong. You want to treat girls in a bad way because someone someday treated you wrong? Look when you want to be with someone, of course you can't be with them if you find them ugly but if a girl is "ok" and plus you fall in love with her personality, trust me day after day you will find her so beautiful and you will stop worrying about any other girls looks.

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    • 1mo

      Personality is more important. Doesn't mean guys like fat chicks though. Same for girls. They claim personality is oh so important, yet if the guy is ugly they won't give a damn about his personality.

    • 1mo

      @Raymond_Reddington that's why I said you can't date someone if you find her ugly. if she's cute or normal but not like "omg she is so hooot" you should totally give her a chance.

  • You do you bro.

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  • You're allowed to have preferences when looking for a partner but maybe it's you're personality that's turning them off. Tbh physical appearance is a big part of attraction but it's not everything.

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  • Why is your first concern that she is hot?

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    • 1mo

      Because I cannot stand the fact I could possibly be in a position where I have to choose a girl I am not attracted to simply because I am not good enough. I do everything I can to prevent it.

  • no. its not wrong. but... personality matters... be kind and the right girl will come

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  • You don't "deserve" anything. I'm not quite sure who you think you are, but just picking out one or two of your sentences, I can tell you don't deserve a lot, let alone a hot girl.

    And just so you know. I know fat obese, actually obese not just chubby, guys who get hot girls. So... yea...

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    • 1mo

      Must be crazy girls then 😂

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    • 1mo

      For heavens sake, I said I feel like I deserve it. If you work extremely hard for a promotion and they give it to someone else you're gonna feel like "damn, i really deserved that".

    • 1mo

      OK, I misunderstood, sorry. It's more like you love yourself more now and have more self worth so don't feel you have to settle and like you don't deserve good things. That's a good thing, well done you.

What Guys Said 16

  • Honestly dude, a girl's attractiveness shouldn't matter much. The only question you should ask yourself is if you are attracted to her. It's a simple answer, yes or no. Even if she ain't the prettiest girl, if you find her even a bit attractive you'll be fine. Fall in love with her and you'll think she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

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    • 1mo

      I like fit, curvy girls with big shapely butts which is see quite frequently at my gym. I dont like fat, overweight or skinny girls, to me its that simple.

    • 1mo

      I get what you're saying and if all you're looking for is a hook up then there are plenty of sleezy hot girls that will sleep with just about anyone. What I'm saying is that if you're looking for an actual relationship, don't put too much emphasis on looks. Seriously there's way more important stuff than looks.

  • You dont deserve anyone or anything... a girl isn't an object you deserve to win by doing reps... if she likes you, shell date you.
    Its that simple.

    Go for girls you find hot, and I mean this in every way... meaning if you talk to a chubby girl who has an amazing personality and you find her attractive and you're turned on by her, go for her too.

    Go for what attracts you. You dont "deserve" anyones time. you're not entitled to it. But the opposite isn't true either. you're not "undeserving".
    there's no standard for what you should get or not, thats up to you. The world might not owe you shit, but you can still go out and live your ideal life in it...

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  • You are wrong for thinking that society owes you a hot girl just because you went to the gym. First of all, any fucker can get muscular (not talking like Ronnie Coleman, I mean average muscular). But even that doesn't matter. You could be a fat fuck and still score hot girls. Girls don't give a fuck about your lifestyle at all. Trust me, Im a guy who trained multiple sports and went to the gym and I also play guitar and do a few different kinds of art. No girl ever gave a fuck about any of that and I never had a girlfriend. Right now Im trying to work on my game and hopefully find a girl because there are bunch if losers who can score hot girls while some of us can't :/

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  • There are 17,520 hours in two years. And yet you only spent 600+ at the gym. Hell yeah you're wrong about that! Go spend 11,000 more hours at the gym, then we'll talk. Also if you seriously think that now you've got muscles girls will all want to date you, you're even weirder than me! And thats saying something.

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    • 1mo

      1) It was just an estimate I dont keep count
      2) I study mechanical engineering full time so I cannot live in them gym

  • No your not wrong but it might be a different story getting a hot girl as it takes more than just muscles and as you saw in high school life just ain't fair. So continue to make yourself worthy but just dont go for how hot a girl is believe once you have sex its good to be able to have a conversation with a girl and a laugh.

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  • You're coming off as being super shallow, you put in the time at the gym so you deserve the fit body you have. But you also have to be the type of person said "hot" girl is looking for

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    • 1mo

      Working out says a lot about your personality especially when you have a job/studies as a main priority. It shows dedication.

  • No you're not wrong. Nobody should ever settle for less than they want. I feel the same way. Feminazis, bring on you snarky ass comments.

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    • 1mo

      We all want a billion dollars but 99.995% of us will have to settle for what we make. The same thing with attractive partners.

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    • 1mo

      Because you pay for them.

    • 1mo

      @Winrey700 No I don't. And Sugar Mommas don't?

  • Sounds like you never quite lost your "douchebag" tendencies. Nerd or not (wtf does that even mean, anyway?)

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  • if you think working out will get you girls, you're working out for the wrong reasons, they like confidence/charisma not really a good body, if anything it'll scare them away cause they'll get insecure/you're too big

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  • Yeah dude. You fucking earned it.

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  • You You can have your preferences, but you don't "deserve" a person. Ever

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  • You're not entitled. Nobody is.

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  • Yes. You're wrong for thinking that.

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  • yes because you want to date out of your league. stay in your own league man!

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  • You can absolutely have preferences with regard to physical attractiveness.

    But you don't "deserve" a goddamn thing.

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  • Working out doesn't mean you DESERVE a hot woman, just means you're looking after yourself now

    I've noticed that women respond well to positivty, and helping them. If they want something, and you're able to do it for them, and you do it, then they'll react positively.

    Just like with us. If we want something, and they do it. We act positively

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