Guys, Guys: Do guys get scared of their emotions or what they know a potential relationsip could be?

Could that account for some on and off dynamics in showing interest? Is it always as simple as "he's not interested"? As a female, I know I can absolutely be into someonw but be so nervous I never do anything about it. Pop culture tells us that for guys, this is just an excuse and that he's either not into you or has a girlfriend, or you are his ego boost. I think I may fall into either the ego boost category or this guy feels what I feel but is unsure of how to approach me. He acts nervous when we're alone together but is talkative on the phone. He stresses that he's unattached/single (unsolicited, mind you, because I never asked about his status). But he's not moving things forward. He'll start text convos then stop once I respond. So, is it juvenile of me to think he could be legitimately scared or is that hogwash?


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What Guys Said 3

  • I feel that the on/off indecision thing occurs because guys are always looking for the next best thing and this is why I feel that women should never wait around for a guy to make a decision. This is often described as "fear of commitment", which is accurate but at the same time, it's a euphemism that obscures how rude the behavior really is. The whole thing of starting conversations and then dropping off is something that guys do to keep their options open -- to keep a potential relationship interest close without actually having to start a real relationship.

    • Hmmm. Okay. Makes sense. I'm just an option he doesn't want to lose just yet. I agree with the "fear of commitment" being a euphemism because all this guy does is longterm relationships, so he's not actually "afraid of commitment", he simply doesn't truly want one with me. Another question, though: How likely is it that a guy will move on to want you to be his priority after you've been only an option? Slim chance, right?

    • I mean, it's been known to happen but it happens WAY less often than it does. When I look back at my college to post-college years, I can only think of one woman who ended up with the guy after she waited around for him. The rest of them ended up getting tossed aside in short order when the guy found "the" girl. Hoping that a guy will upgrade you from option to top priority is just not worth it as in almost every instance, the woman is left wondering why she spent so much time, emotion, and energy on a guy who really wasn't worth her time.

    • Yep. Makes sense. I guess it's time to move on. Thanks!

  • No, guys don't think about their emotions as much as women do. Next question.

  • His feelings do not matter. If he is not progressing in a timely manner for you then you must release him in a timely manner regardless of his reasoning.

    • Thank you.

    • Don't thank me thank jp612612. He's smarter.