Would you date and possibly marry this man?

He is a great, caring, funny guy. He doesn't have the best job and only has a high school diploma. He gets paid about 25,000 a year and I get paid around 35,000 a year but that will rise as I gain more experience in my job to about 50,000. I want him to go back to college because whoever he ends up being with ( Its really early in the relationship but he is 30 and I am 25 so we want to know what eachother wants in the future) and with having a family it would help with support. He isn't wanting to go back, he is afraid of change and doesn't think it's worth it. I really like him and its thinking way in the future but it would be hard to get by with less than 100,000 a year to live with a family possibly 2 kids without having to live paycheck to paycheck.

  • Yes
    46% (11)40% (8)43% (19)Vote
  • No
    21% (5)30% (6)25% (11)Vote
  • Only if he agreed to go back to college
    33% (8)30% (6)32% (14)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not saying money is everything, but damn... A guy who can't handle his career can't handle anything else either. You should really look elsewhere. The issue with him isn't college -- it's ambition and motivation. If he went to college, he probably wouldn't be any good at it because anyone who is ok with making $25,000/year at age 30 isn't going to be the type of person who has the self-motivation needed to be successful in school.

    I'm sure he's a nice guy who's funny and caring, but I have two daughters and I work my ass off for them. I made $410,000 last year and no, money isn't everything but those girls are my world and while I know I can't give them everything (that's impossible), I know that if I work hard, I can give them anything. I'm not saying your guy needs to make a certain amount, but if you're going to trust this guy to raise a family with you, I think he needs to be a guy who isn't going to leave you guys broke and shrug his shoulders as if he's doing everything he can for the family.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • For me the money isn't really the issue but his lack of ambition. I get not "liking change" but at the end of the day, if some change is going to earn you more bank, then what the hell? 25k really isn't a lot, I make about half of that a year and I only work part-time (~7 nights a month), and I'm still in school as well. I wonder what kind of dead-end job your guy has.
    If you want a family and want to make sure you don't get any financial struggles (knock on wood though, you never know if you/your guy might get let go), then it makes sense to want to push him a little to do more, or to even find someone else. Kids cost a shit ton of money and 25k a year wouldn't even cover half of it.

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What Guys Said 12

  • he could earn significantly more money without going to college. the average postal worker makes about $51k

    if the salary is the only hang up i'd just want to talk to him about ways he can earn more money. if he seems unwilling to entertain this then i'd probably not marry him. but just because he doesn't want to go to college wouldn't make him not marriage worthy in my opinion

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  • He needs to follow his dreams too, but you also need a man that will step up to the plate and work for your family. What is great about your comment is that you are clearly saying you will pull half the financal weight which is WAY more than most girls are willing to do.

    I would not expect my wife to make half the household money, but would not complain if she did. You have every right to be with someone who will provide for your family. You should also be crazy in love with that person and have everything else a good relationship has, but enough food and a house is important.

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  • He makes plenty. If he was the sole income earner, yea it would be tough if you wanted to have kids. But that's getting way ahead of yourself.

    Going to college isn't the solution to everything either. You certainly don't need it to earn a decent income. That's a total myth.

    As far as whether you should date/marry him, that's up to you. I personally see no problem with it.

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  • Im not sure whats most disturbing, this question or so many of the replies. People are too crazy about money. Seriously, less than 100,000 to get by? Be super easy. Be super easy here as well, and I live in the most expensive country on the planet. I dont think he should go to college either, he's 30 and sounds like he's found his path in life. Like he's happy where he is. Which is what is important. Me personally, I would never date anyone (pardon for saying) like you instead. You two kinda sound too different really, but who knows. Regardless though, money should seriously not be such a focus, at all.

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  • You can't force education on him, you can only suggest it and perhaps he likes what he is doing in the first place. His lack of ambition is disappointing, but it is what it is and maybe you need someone else who is more stable than he is. However, even with education, it's tough out there for the higher paid jobs and if you're already having doubts about the relationship and your future together based on his income, then you two are not right for each other plain and simple.

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  • my dad makes 50,000 a year around there and he raised 5 kids so tha'ts not true date him. Clearly the fact that you had to ask and you care about how much he makes then you don't deserve him.

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  • College is less the issue than an utter lack of drive and settling for mediocrity.

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  • Slow down!! You are only in the like mode. Not love. Thinking way way way ahead of yourself!

    We all like to have $, who doesn't? But don't base everything on that.

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    • 1mo

      "We all like to have $, who doesn't?"

      I don't. Couldn't care less about it. 10K per year is plenty. 15K per year is more than enough, I'd be banking a fair amount of that.

  • If a man won't change for you, he won't be willing to do what it takes to make you happy.

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  • Sure. I don't care JUST about money. Of course i would prefer for him to have a great job and all but if i can work for myself i don't give a shit. You need to stop focusing so much on money. As long as i have a roof over my head, food on the table, wifi and cute clothes im good to go. by the way you just said he was a great m caring , funny guy so who wouldn't wanna date him?

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  • Actually he just wouldn't be the breadwinner but getting by on less than 100,000 is very easy. XD

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  • I like how women say it's not about the money but lack of ambition lol Sounds like you're saying the same thing just indirectly so it doesn't "sound bad" What if the guy had tones of ambition but no money? I've ask this before and nobody replies to it which says it all lol "Ambition" = money

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    • 1mo

      I don't view it as just money, having goals doesn't mean they are all financial. He could learn a skill or hobby to invest in our home (electrics, carpenter, landscaping etc), be interested in fitness and organise a routine for us both to smash together, write a book or start a blog about his passions etc.
      There can be ambition and passion without it revolving around money

    • 1mo

      @Wonderer89 Ok. Good to know :)

What Girls Said 5

  • I would be concerned because, yes college isn't for everyone, but there are other options: trade school, moving up in a company etc. His lack of drive would bother me, 25k is min wage job or close to it meaning he hasn't done any effort to move up and make more. You will never be able to convince him. I dated someone similar. I met him when I was working min wage, but I wasn't planning to stay there. He had a college degree, but was content living on a close to min wage job. What bugged me was lack of ambition versus how much $ he was pulling in. Soon after the break up I got a professional job, while he was still working that other job. For the life of me no amount of encouraging did anything to improve the situation. What you see is what you get, don't try to see what he can be. Will you be happy w/that?

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  • Nope. I would not date, let alone marry, someone with such an attitude. He completely lacks ambition.

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  • I probably wouldn't, and not because of the money. Motivation and ambition are important to me, I love lists and goals and the sense of achievement chomping through them. If my partner wasn't willing to accompany me through all of that and just watched (while reaping any potential benefits) I would become resentful after time.
    There is nothing wrong with being happy with your life the way it is, but then you need to be with someone who feels the same way. Compatibility is so important

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  • Too many mentions of money... why is money so relevant? If you want a tool to enable you (matterially speaking) to have the life you have set for yourself (kids, bla bla, family, bla) then it makes sense that you think this way. But if you want the person and want to be with them because of who they are and love them, it should not matter. If they are just a way for you to get kids and a family, then sure don't marry the guy.

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  • I dont think he needs to go back to college if its not his thing, some people are more hands on and college is more theoretical, so maybe he can learn s useful skill rhsf can give him s better pay.

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