I'm really confused in myself of my sexual desires and romantic interests of men. I really am and I really would appreciate some understanding if possible.
Ever since i was a child, I would fantasize about older and dirty men with dainty attractive women, sometimes wrongly (before I knew what sex even was.. young as in 6/7). Now, at 22 years old, I've noticed it in my love interests as well. I've only been smitten with men 24/25+, one man was 29 to my 20. And all the men I've been crazy for have been more wild men, live recklessly, have bad habits, treat themselves poorly, probably smoke, haven't showered in a week, not the most handsome but to me are gorgeous, total rebel attitude. But smart and quick. They aren't what we have came to establish as "bad boys" because they are actual inner sweethearts. Since I'm a kind person I've always found that to be important too. And they would treat me and others very nicely. I find bad boys to be players and not nice to the women they have, which isn't my type at all. But the guys I go for look like they live rough lives, I guess? My older cousin, a guy who owns a business, is the one who pointed it out, as he asked me why I didn't go for guys like him, who are financially well off, shower daily, clean cut, fresh, high fashion, etc. while the guys I go for are opposite and wear the same thing frequently or have no fashion sense besides black. I'm genuinely wondering why I am into men like this, especially since I am not like this myself. I don't mean to brag, but I am a very attractive girl, I've never been rejected and I am asked out by men weekly. I have my pick, but it's always the loner rough-around-the-edges-like man who steals my heart. Im college educated, dress classy and have been spoiled by my dad greatly too. I do have a rebellious attitude and may do certain things, but overall I'm kept up. Genuine thoughts? Thanks!
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Maybe subconsciously you fear rejection and the heartache of a failed relationship , and you assume that those type of men will rely and depend on you , so you they are less likely to leave you. Plus, your compassion may draw you to them0