Guys how do you feel about dating a young mom who has a "special needs" child?

I'm 22 years old and my son will be turning 2 in about a week.
My son has a serious heart defect ( had to have open heart surgery at 2 days old & a few procedures after that and will likely need more) & he was recently diagnosed with autism (though were still unaware to where exactly he lies on the spectrum)
I met someone recently and im 100% sure that the interest is mutual and he's aware I have a kid
But he doesn't know that my child is "special needs"
My sons father left me when i was pregnant after finding out about the heart defect because it was "too much to deal with" for him, so im afraid that may happen again.

the father of my child is 7 years older than me, and the guy im talking to is only 6 years older, so please dont mention age as the reason for the fathers immaturity. I'm pretty sure age doesn't factor in this.





0|0
2|23

Most Helpful Guy

  • 7 years older and he left... lol thats a good one. u dont see that every day.

    im def not an ageist... but when u start getting serious since he knows u have a kid, i would make sure he knows about the kids extra needs. that way its not like wedding time and BAM and its like shock and horror and he some how just didn't notice or something... but could happen. so def soon as u think its getting real i would make sure he understands and see how he deals with it.

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 22

  • Your expectations aren't clear - you say 'dating', but then worry about him leaving. The main hurdle was when you told him you have a child, not when you tell him your child has 'special needs'. Of course, he will need to adjust his expectations of how much attention you can give him versus your child. Be sure he's not just there for the sex if you're getting emotionally invested, because I would be.

    By the way, thats one tough story! It would make me respect you more to know that. IF I knew why the Hell you had a kid at 20 years old.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I got a little touch of the Aspergers myself. How autistic is your son, exactly? Because it's a BIG spectrum, some autists are savants, others can't even communicate. I guess the truth is, I would judge you just like I judge everybody else, on a case-by-case basis. I'd have to get to know you, AND your son, before I knew how I felt about it. And just so you know, childhood and puberty are extremely difficult times for an autistic kid, but it gets way easier after that, a little socialization and a few good friends will help tremendously. So will a social activity like sports or martial arts. Look into it. (I know a lot of moms think martial arts is the devil, but I think it helped me tremendously in every aspect of figuring life and other people out. There's a lot more to it than punching and kicking.)

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      We aren't sure where he is on the spectrum as of yet, but the doctors say he seems to be very high functioning, but we'll have a better idea about it when he reaches 3 years old. As of right now he's just like any other child he just can't talk (he communicates in other ways) and gets overwhelmed when something is too loud or with conflicting noises ( like if two people were talking at the same time)
      I'm preparing myself for the harder years by following blogs of people who grew up with autism and i now volunteer in a "special needs" daycare on the weekends so i'll have a better idea of what im dealing with, and what i may possibly be dealing with in the future, & also reading up on everything and anything i can get my hands on so i can learn how to work with and teach my son despite the autism.
      I was actually planning on enrolling my son in Taekwondo, so I'll defiantly look into it more now. thankyou for the reply!

    • 1mo

      Put him on the wrestling team too, that's super cheap and wrestling is perfect for autistic kids because it's like three-dimensional hyperchess. There's a counter for every move, and a counter for every counter, and even if you wrestle your whole life, you'll never learn all the moves. Anyway, yeah, I struggled less and less the older I got, and by the time I was 20, nobody could tell the difference between me and a normie. It took me a while, but I reverse-engineered social skills eventually, lol. I know some autists are really fargone and hard to deal with, like the kid from Mercury Rising, but I still feel like my autism is closer to a superpower than it is to a disability.

    • 1mo

      P. S. One more thing, that guy who left you, he just wanted to leave. The heart thing was just a convenient excuse, he would have left anyway. He would've found some reason. And even if 99 out of 100 guys are just as bad, that ONE GUY, he's out there. There really is a guy, you just gotta figure out how the hell to find him. Or be found by him. Just have an open mind. He might be kind of a weird cat.

  • It would totally depend on how much I liked the woman and the kid. Just having a kid alone means that it could make the relationship a little more stressful/difficult. A special needs child would just further reinforce those feelings about it being a difficult situation, but I wouldn't let me hold it back if I was very interested in the woman.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Problem is, it's a big negative. in the United States, there are the most child free women in our recorded history. Now add the problems of dating a single mom to one that has physical or mental problems.

    0|4
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Agree, but a woman whose willing to have more children with you and be a good wife, still deterred?

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      Alright dude, think that's enough. I didn't mean to entrap you like that. That's why I iterate, for you, don't date them. It's what you want anyway. Not all single mothers are your sister. Some are war widows, victims of domestic violence, or were just plain abandoned. There's a possibility you turn out to be one of these men, regardless of whether she already has kids. There's a possibility of the childless women turning out like your sister. You can bring up the law, but I'd wager about 70% of justice is settled outside of courthouses.

    • 1mo

      I assume you don't like feminism. Well responses and actions like this fan the flames.

  • I wouldn't date a single mom even if her child wasn't a special needs child. That's one of my deal breakers.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Hard question tbh, But If I love a girl like that, N I have a good amount of money, why not?

    1|1
    0|0
  • I don't know. I would hate to fall for that if he should die, I would be so heart broken.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well i dont know about that love but to actually answer your question, me , personally, if i really liked the girl id deal with almost anything no matter what, but its a tough commitment for others, i think you shouldn't keep him unaware for too long otherwise its not fair to him cause he's "unaware" of things

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would date a girl with a child, regardless if he/she was special needs or not. My ex had a 3 year old and I found that it worked out fine, just as well as any relationship would. I loved her and her little one as I would if she was my own. I understand your fears. But you have to have hope that a good guy will come around and accept and love you and your baby. :)

    0|1
    0|1
  • I wouldn't, and it has nothing to do with the childs needs, and everything to do with the child.
    Its asking a lot from someone to try and have a relationship with you, because he would also have to start a relationship with your child

    0|2
    0|0
  • When I was 20-something I wouldn't have been willing to be involved. You are going to have to find a special guy. Make sure they know pretty quickly about the situation.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't date a woman who had a kid at such a young age.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm not toi thrilled at the idea of getting into serious relationships with single moms, personally speaking regardless of the birth defects the kid may have

    0|1
    0|0
  • If he can't accept your child then you can't accept him. Simple as that

    1|2
    0|1
  • If he's a good guy and already accepted the fact that you have a kid it shouldn't be a problem unless he's a douchbag and if that's the case you shouldn't even bother with him

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wouldn't. But I won't consider single mothers for anything other than friends with benefits or FB.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If the guy is good to have for long term relationship... He should not have problem wid ur child... Otherwise u chose the wrong guy... And having a special child doesn't add anything extra...

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would date you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some people suck, but if I really did like you nothing like that would ever stop me for a second

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would not date a mother because I am 24 years old and I am looking for a girl to one day build my own family with.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Depends on the guy.

    If I were 20 something and single it would be a lot to take on.

    If I were divorced now given one of my kids has special needs I would be very open to it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would not date someone with a child like that.
    If I knew my child would be like that I would want it aborted. Sorry. Good luck to you.

    0|0
    4|3
    • 1mo

      Shady as fuck

    • 1mo

      If you're not willing to love your child no matter what, then don't have kids.

    • 1mo

      I am awesome with kids. There are some that I've worked with that said they wish I was their dad. I just want one that I would be happy with, not one that I am going to resent.
      I want to have fun with them and their siblings, not have one that takes all of the attention and limits what the family can do.

What Girls Said 2

  • My little brother has a myriad of issues, including OCD and something wrong with his heart (not sure what yet) but if I had to raise him and someone dumped me because of him I'd be fucking pissed

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'm a girl but I would date a man who has a child, the "special needs" label doesn't have to be on the kid... I like kids I can't have my own so I like single fathers.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...