How do I stop feeling like I need to conform to social norms?

I am a 20 year old virgin and have never been kissed or had a relationship etc. This is mainly because I have never desired a relationship or sex with any random guy. However I constantly have people trying to set me up with someone, thinking it is odd that I am this age and have never been with anyone. I feel people judging me for this will only get worse as I get even older. How do I not feel the pressure to be in a relationship due to this even if I am in the same situation in a decade?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People can say whatever they want but you are the one who decide what you are going to do and you are who's going to have to deal with the consequences of your actions. When someone tells me to do something that I don't want to do first I tell myself "I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate" and then I usually give them the finger (although I don't recommend giving someone the finger cause one time I gave my then boss the finger and he almost beat the sh*t out me luckily he didn't because there were witnesses). Anyways next time someone tries to set you up with someone ask them what they would be willing to do for you if you got pregnant or an std that 'll stop them from trying to set you up with someone.
    PEACE!!

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What Guys Said 18

  • We are in the age of change. And while there are plenty of folks who deny or fight against those changes, there are plenty more that are driving and accepting them. You don't need to feel like you have to marry at twenty and have kids by twenty two. You have a whole world out there, yours for the exploring. You don't need to feel like you have to be held down your entire life at home as a stay-at-home mom. Being in a relationship can have it's perks, but being single? Ho ho! I have some great tales of my own regarding that, honey.

    What I'm trying to say is things have changed in a lot of places. Yes, there are still people around every corner that will give you a deer in headlights look if you tell them you've never gone down or never been gone down on. But there are plenty more that will give you a high five and a pat on the back for being so independent. I, for one, give you praise. You're flying solo on this crazy journey right now, and that's perfectly fine. Maybe you'll pick up a few hitch hikers along the way to test the waters before you swim in the deep ocean one day. But that day can be as far in the future as you like. I, for one, give you praise on your actions.
    Peer pressure is a difficult thing to overcome or at least ignore. But it is possible. A quick Google search can assure you of that. You are one of many who have chosen to stay untouched. Waiting for the right person and the right time, the person and time that YOU want, is a very honorable thing to do.

    So, before I cross the chracter limit, lemme give you this final word of approval from myself and all those other single ladies and gents out there: Keep going strong, you single Pringle. We're here for you, friend.

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  • Remember most of like decisions are based in the mind. You gotta work up the courage to surround yourself with people who respects your dating life. When the right guy come along you'll be ready. Cause 1month ago my coworkers got me hooked with this girl cause she was blushing and laughing and thought I didn't get the hint. Tried it and it was terrible. She flaked on me after wanting to hang out and she didn't mention she had a man but we kissed and all that jazz. So I just left her at that. you can grow as a person if your around people who is not ready to grow. Not saying there bad people but obviously they can't see you for you.

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  • Just stop giving a fuck lol. It's not that hard.
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...1f1e9199b3.jpg
    67.media.tumblr.com/.../...qaPry1so0gx0o4_1280.jpg
    pm1.narvii.com/.../...dbeaf09e132ff1766c04b_hq.jpg
    3.bp.blogspot.com/.../snsd_jessica_tumblr.jpg
    Sry I think these memes are funny :P It's from a girl group. Anyway you just have to stop caring what people think just be aware of when you want to change your behaviour or your thinking and ask why? Why am I doing this now. I dunno I've never cared that muh really so I can't really explain the process of getting there. I think some people just care more than others but just try caring less, just tell your friends I'm not looking for anything and tell them you're serious about it make them accept it. If they don't stop then I guess they're not good friends.

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  • Have you ever humoured any of these setups? How often do you have the immediately opportunity to tell a man to put theirs lips away or pants back on. Are you confident you do not desire any relations with someone when you have not given yourself an honest chance to being exposed to the experience?

    Besides that I think it's entirely normal for people wanting to influence you with good intentions. It's common for most people to encounter it and more so when talking about being judged. It's something we deal with in life and what we have to keep from influencing us away from who we want to be. Hold your ground on your personality, politely. It's all okay in the end.

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  • First of all you stop hanging with these so called "friends" (and family too if that is the case) and find people who accept you for who you are. You MAY get people who may ask a couple questions about why you are in that situation but then they will let it go and accept you for you.

    And I give you mad respect for not "giving in" to have sex. And I agree you shouldn't lose it to a "random guy".

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  • Your life and desires are yours, nobody elses, if you meet a guy who you think is special, nature should take its course.
    There is no rush, but if you want to find the right guy, try a good quality dating site, where you can get images and details of likes and dislikes before meeting.
    Always meet anyone in a public place, and check them out!

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  • I imagine everyone around you your age has kissed and had sex and been in a relationship which is why you feel this way. Perhaps surround yourself with people who also have not been in a relationship either

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  • Hello, 19 year old virgin here. I'm in a similar situation, but the problem is I do want a relationship. Never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. I've almost come to the point where I've accepted that I'm not going to get anybody, so most people I know know that I'm not one to conform to any social norms. Keep an open mind, but just be you. Don't feel like you need to do anything and remember that there are exceptions to every rule.

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  • Avoid socal norms like this guy
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pEsZkTTgydc

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  • Make it clear to your friends that those things aren't important to you or maybe that you don't even want them (however you feel). And if they can't accept that, find new friends.

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  • It's instinctual there's no changing the feeling.

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  • You transcend social norms by becoming exceptional.

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  • Settle down and do what you want.

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  • My exact same situation. I dont give it up on social pressure.

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  • there are no social norms, fuck them.

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  • it is normal to have been or be in a relationship by age 20. but it's not a requirement that you need to comply.. you are single for your own reason and your reason is reasonable.. im 20 and also single. you're not alone, there's a lot of us haha

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  • The only answer is to increase your self-love and self-esteem. You have to stop basing your worth on being in a relationship. You have to learn to be happy with yourself.

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  • Most people conclude that you are suffering from some problem which prevents you from having a relationship and that you, like most people, would be happier if you were in a relationship. Their attention to this represents good intentions.

    Do you have any sexual desire at all? Have you ever experienced an orgasm from self-pleasure?

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    • 1mo

      I don't have sexual desire unless I like the guy first

    • 1mo

      There is nothing abnormal about feeling that way. Are you open to dating a guy if you believe that he is a good person? Have you had any dates?

What Girls Said 6

  • First of all, it is perfectly normal to want to b accepted. It is our tendecy as social creatures to want to adhere to social norms. But the thing is: social norms change all the time. What is common today can be really uncommon tomorrow. And just because a lot of people do something, it does not mean that this is the right or the only way to do it. Lots of people smoke, doesn't mean it's good for you ;)

    But I get that the lack of acceptance in your environment bothers you. Try to be open about the fact that you don't feel accepted. The people who are your true friends will back off. And the people who don't..., well, you are better of without them. It seems hard at times, but there are people who will understand you. And maybe all these people who want to set you up with someone just want you to be happy and don't even realize that they are upsetting you.
    So talk to them. And don't give up hope that there are people who can relate. Focus on them and the positive feedback you get from them.
    I hope this helps.

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  • Stop dealing with such people who is trying to hook you up. Tell that you don't care what they think. They are not you and you have to remember that people will judge you every single day. What they are doing will be what gets worse as they grow older. You will always feel pressure from them. But You have to learn to be strong and wise. If your not interested, then your not. They will do whatever they want to do. Stand by your convictions. That is what you do. And don't allow it to waver of this is not what you want to do. Your making the right decision. What does you being in a relationship, having multiple sex partners and every other insane things today going to benefit them? No. 9/10x their jealous of you because they see that your doing something for yourself, steadfast and strong while their miserable in their relationships.

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  • This is your personal business. Honestly, I dont see the need in you having to tell others this. You are not sleeping with them. So keep it private but if you do decide to share and they say something that offends you... shrug it off and let it known that you are focusing on other things. You sound like you may let others guide your life. Please dont do that. Dont let what others say get into your head. You are doing good with not sleeping around. You are not missing much, I promise you. Wait until someone special comes along.

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  • Just be happy with yourself and confirm to other your awesome! (:

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  • Join the club, there's no rush.
    It's all about feeling secure enough in yourself that other people's opinions don't affect you.

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  • Don't, it just causes heartbreak if it isn't your spouse for life.

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