Am I too picky when it comes to guys?

I've been wondering if I'm being too picky lately. So I'm just curious as to what people think based on my general list of "Deal breakers". To me, they seem pretty reasonable (they're mostly things that are either unattractive to me, or things that would majorly clash with my life). But I've been told I'm picky before. I really don't want to come across as shallow or rude, I don't consider myself shallow by any means, but this is just me being honest. So here's my list, let me know if you think this list makes me picky. Opinions welcome!

-Taller than me (I'm 5'5'' - So Anyone at least a couple inches taller is good to go for me, I don't need 6 ft or anything)

-Non-smoker (Very important - huge deal breaker)

-In Shape/Takes care of himself (I'm not saying hugely buff or a 6 pack here - I just want someone that generally is in Shape and looks like they put even a bit of effort into taking care of themselves, because I make that effort on my end)

-Hair on their head, but little to no beard/moustache (not that their not good looking or anything - just a personal preference)

-Generally liberal/tolerant views (no anti-gay, racist, misogyny, pro-life, etc)

-Not a player or "Fuckboy", actually looking for a monogamous relationship

-Will not make me partake in outdoorsy or sports-like activities (just won't happen, I'm not that girl)

-Likes animals (For their sake, mostly. I have 2 dogs, a cat and a bird - if they don't like animals they'd probably suffer at my place)

-Get along well, easy to talk together

Thanks for the help everyone! I just want some third party opinions on this to get an outside view on this. :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, when you list them like that, yes.

    But this is all general stuff that would be more or less on my list, too so nah, I wouldn't personally label you as picky.

    Picky would be down to minute specifics such as favorite foods, scent, even eye color.

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    • 1mo

      Haha yeah I feel like the only way you'd get someone that perfect is to make them from a computer 😂

What Guys Said 9

  • Some people on here is going to tell you that you are picky. I say you are not even close. In fact you haven't even mentioned things like his income or career prospects.

    However, would you date a guy who ticked all of those things but was ugly (even though he had low body fat)?

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    • 1mo

      Thats good news! lol

      Well ugly is a loose concept. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Of course, I would need to be attracted to them, but it would be hard to describe exactly what would be attractive, since it would depend on the specific guy.

    • 1mo

      Yeah, finding a guy who YOU are attracted to with all those qualities and who's bad qualities (everyone has some) are not deal breakers is obviously far more difficult than the simple list. For instance you don't like fuckboys, I've grown beyond that, but there was a time in my life when I was, would you believe I had changed and date me? If the answer is no, then you're doing some 'picking' indirectly.

      While attractiveness is a loose concept, attractive people generally pair up with other equally attractive people, apply the same question above and again a subconscious form of 'picking'. So based on the list alone I don't think you are picky, but others who know you IRL can see a much clearer picture.

  • Not really, seems reasonable to me. What gets you in trouble is that beard and physical shape requirement. Most guys have beards now and depending on work/school/family schedule it's not easy finding time to get tone. Unless of course he's hit the genetic lottery. Maybe just be happy he's not over weight.

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    • 1mo

      Well with the beard thing, I don't mind stubble. I just don't personally like a large amount of facial hair, just doesn't attract me. But a light amount is fine.

      The fitness level is a tricky one. I'm definitely not expecting a 6 pack or giant arms or anything like that. Most of my exes never had that which I was happy with. It's more of a willingness to put some effort in. Because I spend a lot of time putting that effort in on my end, so I'm just looking for someone that shows a bit of that effort as well. Might be tricky to find though I do admit that haha

    • 1mo

      naw, you're standards are pretty reasonable. Most girls your age have some wacky requests.

  • The problem many people have - you included - is that you try to find a partner rationally. Yes, those things are all reasonable, but it seems like you focus on that rather than focus on someone who plain and simply is on the same wave-lenght as you.

    Reality is, your partner will most likely never be your mirrored self and if you try to pick a partner on that standard, you are not searching for a romantic partner, but a companionship/friendship.

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    • 1mo

      Yeah that definitely makes sense. And in the end, a lot of the things that I listed would probably cause them to clash with me anyway (like the smoking and intolerant views and stuff like that). So I definitely feel like I'll probably end up with a different guy than I imagine, but the important ones would probably work themselves out without me trying much haha So that's a good way of thinking

    • 1mo

      "I'll probably end up with a different guy than I imagine"

      Correct

      "but the important ones would probably work themselves out without me trying much"

      Incorrect. Any relationship requires effort and nurturing. If you start thinking you don't need to put effort into it, you can pretty much break up right then and there.

  • I think its okay

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  • Hmm, I think it's alright. I don't think you'll find a guy who ticks all of those boxes any time soon, but the list itself seems fine to me

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  • Not really. I've always found height requirements weird but most guys would meet yours so not a big deal. Overall your list seems pretty reasonable

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  • You shouldn't automatically reject people because they may have different ideas than you do. You should ask them why they believe that they do, and then make a determination.

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    • 1mo

      Yeah that's why I put generally. I'm definitely open to differences in opinion, because I respect most opinions, even if they don't align with mine as much. Buuuttt on the same end there's just certain things I couldn't handle in a person I'm dating. I personally could never date someone who was intolerant of anyone because of their sexuality or race for one. And could never handle a guy who thought things like a woman's place is in the kitchen or things like that. So those would mainly be my major deal breakers. But aside from that, I would be willing to go out with them if they had some different views than me.

    • 1mo

      I think people can have complex controversial opinion that do not degrade the opinion holders character. For example, a Jews who survived concentration camps might have strong prejudice against Germans - I actually met an old women who survived the camps and she told me this - and that's understandable. People have a right to their opinions. You have the right to exclude those people as well, but it's good to find out why people believe what they do.

  • What if the guy is universally ugly? Like big forehead, not attractive eyes, not attractive to most people? Would you turn his offer down which is, a romantic date to get to know each other?

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    • 1mo

      Well it would depend if I was attracted to the person overall. If I was completely non-attracted to them it would be hard to start a relationship. However it would depend on if we had big chemistry and hit it off, I could definitely move forward with it. It would depend on the guy really

  • You're an animal lover, but, you won't go outside?

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    • 1mo

      That's like saying, "you like sea food but can't swim?"

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    • 1mo

      Most of my vocabulary is sarcasm haha

    • 1mo

      As is mine

What Girls Said 1

  • I expect the same haha except for the liberal part. I'm a conservative

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