Why are men so one sided?


Why are men so one sided? My boyfriend went through my phone and found a video of me dancing with a guy at a party, but it wasn't really anything serious, but being the fact that Im in a relationship, it was wrong of me. I once told him I dont ever dance with guys at parties so him seeing that video makes him think that I been lying to him the whole time when Im not. It was just that one time so he broke up with me over that. A couple days later, I show one of my classmates his picture and she told me she saw him at homecoming once, dancing with a drunk girl, but this was before the whole situation happened with him going through my phone. If i were to be upset about that, he would make it seem like i am over exaggerating. Also, when he's upset. its a long process but if I were to stay upset, then it would be a problem to them. Why is it like that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When your boyfriend found the video of you dancing with this guy, he had evidence supporting you having done something that you told him you didn't... Big time violation of trust there. Even your phrase "not *really* a big deal" leads me to think you did kind of think it was a big deal.

    Your friend claiming they saw this guy dancing with a drunk girl at some party... is a claim. It could be a case of mistaken identity or it could be that they were trying to make you feel better about what happened by saying your boyfriend did almost the exact same thing as you. You should be cautious when it comes to just believing the claims of another individual when they provide no evidence for them. I can understand why the idea of him doing the same thing might sound so appealing to believe that you don't filter it through your senses of reason, though... because it takes the guilt off of you for any mistakes if he did the same thing.

    With that said, if he really did the same thing you did and left you for it, he's a hypocrite and you don't need him.

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    • 1mo

      I actually believe my friend because he actually is a hypocrite and denies it all the time. In always catching him in the act. Yes, he had evidence that I did dance with the guy but the thing is that I dont normally dance with guys so therefore he thinks im always dancing with guys.

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    • 1mo

      I should have

    • 1mo

      Your right

Most Helpful Girl

  • No... lots of guys don't act that way at all. Honestly guys on here can have a lot of self pity for some reason. I've noticed it a lot, and many other users have too. So... you may get some srsly one sided opinions on this! On avg, no most guys are balanced and fair. I think many, care way too much about when their gfs are upset over silly things!!

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What Guys Said 37

  • Your boyfriend is immature at best and quite a chauvinist. Men that think it is okay for them to do something to their partner and not okay for it to happen to them are either stupid, dumb and/or controlling. They are usually insecure and they don't trust their lady. No relationship can really be a good one if one or both of the people don't trust the other. If he was a secure man, you dancing with another guy at a party would be nothing because he trusts you. Trusting the other man doesn't come into it because he knows his lady would never go astray. My ex-wife knew I didn't like to dance and would dance with men and women at a party. She is a beautiful lady who looks about 10 years younger than she is. Sometimes she went out with her girlfriends to have fun and dance. They thought I was the best because I trusted her and had no problem with her going out to have fun with the girls. Unless you are a girl who likes being subordinate and being treated badly, I'd move on. Your boyfriend has shown you who he is by his actions. What he says is not to be trusted when his actiuons show something else..

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  • you are different emotionally... maybe he's been wounded by another girl cheating on him? Either way, you think it is ok to play dance with someone while dating, which generally it is not... especially when you said you don't do that.

    basically you are doing the same thing... claiming what you did isn't a big issue and not seeing how the other feels. you are both self centered and not yet seeing the others perspective.

    These are common issues and challenges of security and trust, forgiveness, communication. hope you learn and grow from it.

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    • 1mo

      I never said it was ok. I said I was wrong for that but you're right. I guess we both are self centered but not intentionally. He is just worse though and doesn't like to admit when he's wrong also

  • Well you yourself accepted what you did was wrong and yes you did lie to him so it's natural of him to think that you were lying to him the whole time.

    May be you did it just once but still it's natural of him to suspect you of lying to him. I wouldn't blame him for that.

    Lying is a very bad habit.

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    • 1mo

      Ok, I guess I did lie to him but that wasn't my intention. It happened so long ago so i forgot about that even happening. Lying is a bad habit and i understand why he would think i would have been the whole time cause if it were me i would think that also.

  • well he's a hypocrite... but i wouldn't say men are one-sided. we have to consider that everyone is different

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  • d00d i think you're better off without him.

    but back to the question, he wasn't being fair. just running off emotion.

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  • "Why are men so one sided?"
    Why do you say men?

    The most jealous people are cheaters. PERIOD
    They project their infidelity onto others.

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    • 1mo

      I apologize for saying men. You're right

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    • 1mo

      @America1st Thank youuuuu

    • 1mo

      You are more than welcome.

  • He was a hypocrite, thought it was fine for him to do it but it wasn't for you to do it.

    I gotta say tho that if you wouldn't do something in front of your partner then don't do it behind their back either. I don't think there's anything wrong with just casual dancing but if it turns into grinding or gets extremely physical that's cheating in my eyes.

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  • You two don't seem fit for each other if you want this miserable fucking drama headache to go away just end it. Not all guys are like that and yes it is a double standard we all have them male or female.

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  • u started with a lie then went on with an excuse, followed by a question/statement.

    if u went to a party and were dancing with guys, tell me. ok. im going to assume that since u are telling me this and u are an adult that u could behave and didn't do anything i didn't want u to do.

    NOW i FOUND OUT on my own that u were dancing at a party with guys... this makes me wonder what else u are up to i dont know about yet. u clearly can't behave on ur own without me around, around other guys.

    do u see the difference between u being honest and u being caught? that is why he broke up with u. as far as him dancing or what ever. who knows. as far as we know its ur girlfriend making up a story to make u feel better for being a dumb bitch in the first place. wouldn't be the first time. but could be many things. u could also ask him about it. unlike u i was very open about what i did, even when the girlfriend got mad at me, like this dancing thing u mentioned. i got mad at my girlfriend being a bitch one time and i fucked two girls one night. together. i told her the next day, because im honest. thats just how i am. if u are going to be holding things back u shouldn't be in a relationship with that person. by the way just cause i was mad at her and fucked those girls didn't change that i cared about my girlfriend. we stayed together for a few more years.

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    • 1mo

      I understand what you're saying and I understand why he would think that I would be lying about everything else. My friend actually wasn't making it up cause he did admit to doing that when I confronted him

  • I feel like either way the other person should be mad. It doesn't seem right in my head to dance with someone, even if it means nothing. Cuz in reality it always means something. If the guy was a fat slob covered in greasy pimples would you have danced with him? Maybe he was attractive. It always means something even if you don't think it does. And I'm saying this goes for BOTH sides, if a guy dances with a girl, it means something! even if he says it doesn't.

    I have heard that cheaters often get suspicious of their SO for cheating. Apparently it's very common, so this is kind of like the same thing. He was flirting and dancing with other girls so now if you do it with a guy he's going to have a huge reaction to it, because for him, it meant he wanted a piece of that girls ass, and so he's going to assume it means just as much for you, even if it's not nearly the same level.

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  • Not all guys are one-sided. Many of us expect mutual respect. Are you sure your friend actually saw your ex?

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    • 1mo

      Im positive.. and I know.. not all guys are one sided. My bad

    • 1mo

      No offence taken. Sorry you had to deal with a hypocrite - just know that we're not all like that :).

  • Men in general aren't like that. However, it sounds like both of you may have some maturing to do in order to have a successful relationship with or without one another. If it's true that he was dancing with a drunk girl while you two were dating. Then he has much to learn and needs to grow up in the sense to where the world doesn't just bend it's rules for him.

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  • Some people are hypocrites. Some people who cheat get very suspicious of their partner cheating or start to get paranoid about their partner cheating even though they're cheating. It's a weird world.

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  • Seems like you need to split up !! Women can be very one-sided too...& very unforgiving of minor male misdemeanors too !! Cheaters of EITHER gender deserve to be binned !!

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  • Double standard, I get it, it's messed up. However, do you realize that is exactly what women do ALL the time. Don't get me wrong, you're absolutely right. Its unfair, this is something most guys deal with in relationships.

    I don't know if you got back together or not, but in any case. Get some closure from it. If you don't find your way back to each other, I hope you find someone that will trust you as you trust him. A relationship can't exist if one gets paranoid about the other's activities.

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  • We're all one sided. it's called, The Art of the Negotiation. You take hardline position, and then you work down from there.

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  • Birds of a feather flock together !!

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    • 1mo

      False but ok

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    • 1mo

      Asker... your right , I'm not a cheater. . My opinion still stands !! Age..., always matters if you're mature enough to understand why.

    • 1mo

      Asker... by the way , I'm not having problems, you are. !!

  • I feel like your seemingly shitty taste in guys isn't a reflection of dudes being hypocrites

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  • Jesus H christ you people have so much trust issues. It's like that, because you both are brats and you'll learn.. eventually... hopefully.. some day. good luck.

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  • But you did lie though XD

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  • Not all men are, the men that tend to be great listeners are just friend zoned.

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  • Don't take this the wrong way but what kind of dancing dirty dancing or tweaking? If thats the case it's different because your grinding on each other but if it was just regular dancing like salsa or something like that there's nothing wrong with that and it shouldn't be a problem. If he got mad over something Iike that he's definitely over reacting and is the jealous type.

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  • He sounds incredibly insecure lol. How old is he?

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    • 1mo

      23 years old

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    • 1mo

      Lmfaooo its because he treats me very well and when nobody was around when i needed them, he was always there

    • 1mo

      Lmfao fuck him dude. Honestly.. men that are 23 acting like that most are likely never going to change. You are pretty much saying you used him for emotional security in a time that it was needed. We at our prime ages right now dood.. date better quality people. Srs. Not going to be young forever.

  • You start out with a huge generalization - many readers will just move on.
    Well, first it's dancing, then kissing, then fucking. So what, really. I would be appalled if my lady was dancing with someone else - dancing is a romantic endeavor. At least if you're doing it right.

    Sounds like y'all need a sitdown serious talk. All this 'going through phones' and jelousy talk is dragging you both down. Clear the air and move forward or dump and run. Make a decision and do it, quit vascillating.

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  • Homecoming? You're 22. How far back are you going?

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    • 1mo

      she's female.. of course she's digging up shit from a million years ago

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    • 1mo

      Colleges have homecoming dances now? What's wrong with this world.

      Anyhow, why weren't you at the dance with him? And if he says he didn't, are you taking your friend's words over his?

  • He wanted a reason to break up with you

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  • i think its wrong of him plus it also shows he is not sincere with the relationship

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  • Why do you have a vid on your phone?
    Why are you believing your friend with no evidence?
    Saying you don't dance with guys then having vid with you dancing with fuys invalidates your claim.

    This whole thing is dumb.

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    • 1mo

      Im not the 1 who took the video and I didn't ask anybody to take the video. My cousin took the video and sent it to my phone. I just never thought about deleting the video. And I dont dance with guys but that one time so therefore he thinks I've been lying to him this whole time. You clearly dont understand

    • 1mo

      And I believe my friend because he has done stuff before and lied about it. When I do the same, he gets upset

    • 1mo

      Also, I understand why he doesn't believe me after Finding the video because if it were me, I wouldn't believe him also tf

  • well you lied to him, what do you expect?

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    • 1mo

      Who said I lied to him? I danced with a guy ONCE which was a long time ago. When he asked me if I dance with guys, or course im going to say no because that was so long ago.. and plus, I forgot that even happened.. being that its something I barely do... I didn't expect him to take it that far since he does the same thing. Thats pretty unfair if you ask me, but ok

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    • 1mo

      No, it was just once. I understand i was wrong for that. Knowing the fact that he doesn't like that and its disrespectful as heck.. I dont do it

    • 1mo

      That's good. I'm glad we got somewhere. Lol. I thought this was about to get explosive haha

  • Lying about ANYTHING involving men, is a huge red flag to him.

    I don't blame him at all.

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    • 1mo

      Uhmm I didn't lie though. Like I stated, I danced with a guy once so therefore, I can say that I dont dance with guys. Also, that happened sooooo long ago so I forgot that I even did that.. also being the fact the I dont dance with guys. Either way, you can't break up with me if you were out doing the same thing way before you even seen the video, but ok

    • 1mo

      Cause he also told me he doesn't go out dancing with females

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What Girls Said 2

  • Because some men like to give women shit when they complain about reasonable things to devalue her opinion.

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  • Didn't read.

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