My boyfriend was dating someone else as well as me before we were official.. I feel angry but should I?

I've been dating this guy for around about 5 weeks, we are now exclusive as of nearly a week ago, however I recently got a message from a girl to say that he was sleeping with her 2 and a half weeks ago, I had not slept with him by this point, and in the grand schemes of things this has all happened very fast. But 2 and a half weeks ago I had only just had my 3rd date with him, after that he cut the girl off, should I be mad? I'm mad he's lied to me, but then I think realistically I didn't need to know, but I've had my trust knocked a few times in different relationships and he's not a bad guy he's so lovely, but I don't know how to move past this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me like he was dating like many do. Exploring different options and seeing which one suited him best. Whatever pace he was on with the other woman has nothing so much to do with you as it had to do with them. That he lied to you may be a concern, but that depends on whether you painted him into a corner by asking, or whether he volunteered the false information. Whatever the case, apparently you did something that unseated a guy from someone who was giving him sex, and did it without having sex. Sounds like you won out.

    • Yeah I would agree, like I say I haven't slept with the guy, but I am pissed about the situation

Most Helpful Girl

  • I get you. It's not that you're angry because he slept with somebody after your third date, as you were nothing, it's the fact he could lie about it.
    In my experience, every single friend who has had this situation (it's a very common one) has not worked out well.
    There's different types of men. One type will sleep with girls or date multiple girls and not tell any of them, another type will only date one at a time, another type will be up front and say "it's only our 1st/2nd date, so I am seeing where things go and keeping options open, making sure you know.

    • From how I've got to know him he is a lovely guy and seemed very genuine, on one hand I didn't need to know became we wasn't anything, and he cut it after he'd seen me the 3rd time, he's very attentive, very thoughtful, since my 3rd date we've been inseparable he sees me all the time, texts me all day everyday, I think it's the fact that I would have preferred him to be up front, does that make sense?

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    • If she messages you again, please ask her how it feels to just be a fuck and mention how sad it is that she's doing this haha 😂

      Yea, i get she's pissed too, but bringing you into something that wasn't really anything to do with you and isn't you doing something bad to her is just being catty. And one reason to not feel bad for her is that if she did get used for sex, you can see why... she's being the type who actually chase guys who they're just a fuck to and wondering why guys don't respect them enough to start an actual relationship beyond sex.

    • Haha you just put a smile on my face, thank you for that!

      You're very right, she didn't need to bring me into it, at all, cause it has nothing to really do with me! Thank you for messaging me back, really appreciate it


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • If you care about him and want a relationship, what he did before is off limits. The only exception to that is how he treated the other people he was with. If he treated all his other girlfriends badly, he will treat you that way too in time.

    Other than that, neither of you have any right to just how they got to this point in their lives if you like/love who they are now, because that is part of how they got there.

    • Yeah I get what you mean, she was never his girlfriend though he had just seen her a handful of times, I guess this girl is just pissed off that she has seen we are actually together now and I understand why I've been there before myself, previous to me his last relationship was 9years

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    • I hear you, I guess I was kind of there though he had seen me grant you it was only 3 times but he still knew me I think that's my issue

    • Its hard, but how would you want him to think about you if the situation was reversed?

      Good Luck

  • he chose you... if you want to show him that he made a mistake then carry on with this. really you just need to let it go

    • So should I be mad?

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    • I understand that, but he has been dishonest

    • she could be lying but even if she isn't then you were not exclusive. put it into perspective, its only been weeks. yes he should maybe have told you but if you can't get over it you need to move on rather than making a drama out of it

What Girls Said 2

  • Realistically you NEEDED To know. If you value honesty and he did not do so, I would have confronted him about why he didn't do that. And he was sexually active with this girl? Heck no. I'm sorry but you need to cut him loose. Why sleep with a guy who just finished sleeping with another person? And he never got tested of course. And if you feel that this is way to fast, then prepare to leave. That I would not tolerate if that was done to me. He figured he can just play the field and slide on over to you smooth like a sly and cunning fox! Is that the kind of guy you want and need in a boyfriend? Because if things don't work out, he can do that to you with somebody else. That's exactly what that says to me.

    • I understand and thank you for replying, however he was playing the field clearly, she has every right to be mad, we hadn't slept together he seen me 3 times and then stopped it with her, I am pissed and I am confused

    • @Asker

      there's no need for confusion when the obvious reason is him wanting his cake and eat it too. He used her for sex. And he is going to do the same. That is why I'm telling you to break it off. Because your wasting your time with a person who was not serious about you, but played you and her at the same time. That is what you call a two timer.

  • She should probably be mad but you shouldn't... then again he clearly hasn't treated her well if she's angry enough to message you about things. Hope he didn't tell her they were official too before he slept with her...

    • I doubt it cause he said he had only seen her 5/6 times his last relationship lasted 9 years so I don't think he is a bad guy, but I am possed about the situation

    • How long was he seeing you for before you's termed it a relationship? I mean 5 or 6 dates over a month is definitely enough to make a girl at least think he is really into them... probably enough time to make it 'official' in too. Not to mention if she slept with him at the end of that she must have at least though that that was sealing the deal in some way and making them official. I dunno, I'd be very wary about this guy tbh. Espesh if you haven't slept with him yet... chances are that then he'll just move on to the next girl like he did with her. If I were you I'd drop her a wee message and ask if they were dating of if he had made it official. It could backfire but tbh I'd still want to ask. Because he might be pulling the same shit with you. I mean if he was in a relationship for 9 years... he's probably not gonna want to jump into anything serious again any time soon. I'm sure he seems like a perfectly nice guy, they all do-but actions speak louder than words.

    • and... saying things like 'he seems like a nice guy' ... when I've done that in the past its always been my way of trying to dismiss any niggling worries about someone. And usually if there's a niggling worry its because there jolly well should be.