Does the one who is less attracted to the other have more power in the relationship?

From my experience, whoever is less attracted to the other has the upper hand in the relationship. They normally decide the pace, how far things go, and they normally get their way when it comes to decisions.

I've been on both sides: more and less attracted, and I've also noticed other couples show similar outcomes.

Do you agree that the less attracted person normally holds more power?
If not, what are the exceptions?
Which side are you normally on?

Updates:
28d I'm seeing a lot of answers based on looks. I'm talking about attraction overall. Ex. a super hot model is attracted to a not good looking millionaire who has lots of money, influencial social circles, and thriving business. He's not as attracted towards her because she has nothing to offer except her looks but, will date her anyway because of arm candy. Attraction as a whole, not just looks.

0|1
14|27

Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't agree that power flows from attraction factor alone. Partners who are more attractive are able to choose the partners of their choice because they usually attract more suitors. Next comes the personality factor. Those who have a strong personality gain more power because of their skills , talking ability , etc. Then there are some people who control their relationship with their money power. Public image and sexual performance in bed is also highly rated. People who can do multi tasking and give quality time to their families also command great power. Most of the times in a good relationship power needs to be shared equally , so that both partners act within their assumed powers. Power should be used to build relationships and and not to show ones superiority.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • This CAN be true, in the sense that the partner who "cares less" or is "less attracted" is more able to issue ultimatums, etc.
    In other words, if "cares less" / "less attracted" translates to BEING MORE WILLING TO WALK AWAY... then, probably, yeah.

    On the other hand, that hardly means that the relationship is *better* or *more enjoyable* for the partner with MORE "power". I mean... after all, she/he is in a relationship that probably kinda sucks in the first place -- with someone who's below her/his proverbial "league" -- and that's why she/he cares less to begin with!
    LOL... Talk about a kind of power that no one (in her/his right mind) would actually WANT...

    Honestly, in this kind of situation, the partner who "has power by being more aloof" probably just feels undercompensated (again, the league thing).
    So, yeah, they have *some* measure of power, but it's hardly something to savor. Like being the boss at a shitty job -- it's still a shitty job baha.

    __

    On the other hand, if neither party is actually willing to walk away, and "cares less" / "less attracted" means LESS PASSIONATE... then, oh HELL no.

    If you've got two people who tend toward manipulation and scheming, then, the person who's MORE emotionally invested, and MORE passionate, will absolutely have the upper hand... no questions asked.
    Because in that kind of situation, the person who's more passionate will just have more energy to pour into scheming and manipulation (or womanipulation... ahah).

    In other words, in this instance the person who "cares less" -- or is "less attracted" -- will normally just tire out first, and then give in, and let the more PASSIONATE person "win". Every damn time.

    __

    Finally... as @wonderer89 said... if this kind of thing is even relevant, then, BOTH of you should do some serious soul-searching about the fundamental values in yr relationship.
    A good long-term rl should leave BOTH people MUCH better off -- in just about every imaginable way -- than they'd be otherwise. It should be a situation where BOTH people have "power" that is MAGNIFIED by each other.

    If it's a tug-of-war, then, in a GOOD relationship, both people are pulling on the SAME side of the rope.
    <3

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 26

  • It can seem that way, but the truth is, love is power. The one who loves has more power. Though they are giving it to the other one by loving them... So I guess it depends how you look at it

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree , normally its cause they have less to lose and i think there's always someone in the relationship that is on that side that thinks everything is great and you both like eachother equally and shit, and then there's the one who sees all these problems or isn't fully commited , this person might never mention any of these issues untill you break up or argue, that would be the person with the "most power" in the relationship.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's a proven theory "theory of least interest"- well tested and documented in behavioral sciences. This is true in relationships on all levels, not just romantic.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes I think it's true. The person that is more attracted usually gives more puts more effort into the relationship etc. The other person can kinda just sit back and give back whenever they feel like it. It gives them the power and makes the other person feel like they need to please them show their best side etc. Trying to get them to like you as much as you like them sort of.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes, absolutely. Very astute of you. Now if anybody was REALLY smart, they'd learn how to mentally control their attraction to others to keep and maintain all that power in the relationship. But the vast overwhelming majority of people are nothing but sub-human animals who are mindless slaves under the exclusive control of their base, animal lusts. Especially women, but it's more than half of all men too. Like 70% of men, 80% of women. Completely and totally sub-human animals. No higher order thinking present WHATsoever. Try your best not to marry one.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      "Now if anybody was REALLY smart, they'd learn how to mentally control their attraction to others to keep and maintain all that power in the relationship"

      ^^ Fuck no.

      Finding someone who makes you LOSE that control is the sweetest thing in this life. Especially when he loses *his* control every bit as much.
      <3

    • Show All
    • 25d

      @redeyemindtricks IT WAS NOT EITHER GRATUITOUS! And it was hardly an insult except in so far as the truth is insulting.

      As for your little hashtag, the best lovers are people who don't start obnoxious and ultimately pointless arguments only to GRATUITOUSLY get their feelings hurt when they are called on it.

      In my opinion.

    • 25d

      Feelings hurt?

  • no, later there are other variables, like power and money. attraction is a thing of children. adults have a lot more factors. but obviously who every has the control in the relationship is the one controling things lol ;) so in a way u answered ur own question.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Most definitely and I've been on both ends being the more attracted one and less attracted one.

    Obviously if a person is interested they're gonna put in more effort to reach out to someone and show their feelings. If a person is not as interested as the other, then they'll put in less effort and care less about if it ends or not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • when I hear women make remarks like this, I hope their future involves traumatizing pain and reconstructive surgery

    0|0
    1|0
  • The moment I feel like there is a power struggle I will bluntly tell them. If they think there's a hierarchy to dating and relationships then that's the last conversation we'll ever be having

    0|0
    0|0
  • well how do you determine who is more attractive? What's attractive to a woman may not be attractive to a man and vice versa. Also, it is completely determined by the individual

    1|0
    0|0
    • 28d

      I'm not talking about who is more attractive in terms on society, in talking about within the relationship, one partner will be more attracted towards the other than the other partners feels. One is pulling harder.

  • That seems just about right to me - I am usually the more attracted

    0|0
    0|0
  • Im usually on the less attractive side, but i would never bend over backwards for someone who doesn't love me as much as i love'd them, thats a stupid thing to put yourself throught for love of a lower quality

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes I believe so. The one who is less attracted is more likely to leave the relationship, especially for someone else. The one who is less attracted also doesn't try as hard because the other person is putting in more work to keep the relationship more compact. Most importantly the one who is less attracted typically cares less.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's kind of sad, clamoring for power in an unbalanced -- and likely, unhappy -- relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's true and why I am polyamorous. Being poly takes that out the equation. I'm with my partner out of choice with no power plays because I can still have other women.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Only if you're dating an immature person.

    0|0
    0|0
  • attraction is relative, there is no more attractive only more assertive and successful regardless in what area of accomplishment

    0|0
    0|0
  • An interesting question. Depends how u define power?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 27d

      The one who normally wins when it comes to decisions. Ex. What to eat for dinner, what to watch on TV, when the lights go off at night, etc.

  • If i notice that my partner is less attracted to me than i to her then i distance myself emotionally. We either break up or she gives in. Either way works for me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, unless the more attracted person finds another one to love

    1|0
    0|0
  • Oh, I don't know. I think the person who cares the least holds the most power.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nah Darling I don't think so.. ;)
    If I love u, I must respect you n your feelings too. 💕

    0|0
    0|0
  • why date someone that clearly shows that he/she care less than you in the first place?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd agree with that, yes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not true.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i dont think it should be about power dynamics. but that is just me.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • I don't think one has power over the other when both people are 100% committed, you both have just as much to lose when your fully invested.
    My husband and I have strengths and weaknesses and allowing the other to see those just means they'll lend you their power when you need it.
    The minute there is a power struggle or someone tries to determine a pecking order it's doomed

    2|0
    0|0
  • Yes, because the less-attracted person is not afraid of losing the other person... Sad, but true :L

    I have been on both ends as well, and it sucks... that looks have that much control in a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is why I hate dating, and usually have high standards when it comes to guys. You should both have the same level of liking each other, otherwise you're wasting the other persons time. No one takes dating seriously anymore, no one has respect for themselves or other people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I have noticed this too. Usually the one who is less into other the person in the relationship gets to call the shots. Maybe because that person knows that the other is way more into them so they feel they can exert that power over them.

    1|1
    0|0
  • i think if you're in a serious relationship you come to terms with each other, you are equals.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I have never been in that situation, so I feel like I can't speak on it. I would hope that the guys and girls I was attracted too was equal to my attraction to them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes I do think so. I'm usually the ugly one lmao jk I've only had one experience so can't really say but yeah he had more power for sure.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe it may feel that way initially. But I don't think unbalanced power in that way is harmful for a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes kinda

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think its true

    0|0
    0|0
  • Umm I never heard of that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tbh kind of true

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sometimes. Sometimes it's just whoever has the more powerful personality, and I find that one to be more common.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 28d

      Define "more powerful personality", more dominant? More outgoing?

    • 28d

      Dominant or strong personality, but not necessarily in a bossy domineering way, just more assertive and outspoken. Hard to explain what it is exactly. Then if the other is a very laid back person, it's even more obvious to see.

Loading...