Would you date my friend?


Straightforward question... If no why? If yes why?

My friend is 35, never married, no kids.
She is generally extroverted, but a little shy around guys in a social setting.

I think she is very pretty, guys might say she is cute or pretty. She looks to be about 25-26.

She is Japanese and in good health.
Petite 5'1, 100lbs.
She is well educated with an engineering degree and an MBA.
She makes really, really good money. She works... a lot. She will not do housework while she is working but she will hire cleaners etc.
She can't cook worth a crap... trust me on this, some people just weren't meant to do this.
She is only interested in marriage, not casual or long term dating, but enough dating to make sure marriage is the right step.
She is ok with dating caucasion, hispanic or Asian men.

She wants to have 2 kids. She will quit her job to have and take care of the kids for up to 4-5 years, so you will be the only source of income and benefits for that time period and she expects you to be ok with this. This is not negotiable. You are either down for this or you aren't. Her work ethic is unquestionable, she does not shy away from work.
She is respectful and values a traditional man, and she is not a user.
She values a guy that has his own life, she does not need or want to be the center of your life.
She expects a traditional marriage. She will take care of you and you will take care of her.
She dates off and on and has been in one or two longer term relationships, but she hasn't found the guy that she loves.
She wants an intimate relationship before marriage, but only in an exclusive sense.
She has been frustrated that she can't find the guy she thinks is right and she doesn't know why. She wonders if it is because she is short, or Asian, or works too much, or makes too much money or what it is.

Updates:
1mo She would clean, cook, take care fo the kids and household while not working and return to the workforce when the kids approach pre-k age.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She is Japanese and in good health: GOOD, Asian is good.
    Petite 5'1, 100lbs: VERY GOOD, petite and small frame!
    She is well educated with an engineering degree and an MBA: VERY GOOD, educated and has useful career skills.
    She makes really, really good money. She works... a lot. She...: ALSO GOOD.
    She can't cook worth a crap... trust me on this, some people just weren't meant to do this: BAD, I don't want to have to cook everything.
    She is only interested in marriage, not casual or long term dating, but enough...: BAD, this feels like there is a time limit/schedule and there will be pressure to keep to it.

    She wants to have 2 kids. She will quit her job to have and take care of the kids for up to 4-5 years, so you will be the only source of income and benefits for that time period and she expects you to be ok with this. This is not negotiable: ****RED FLAG**** As per above, she has a schedule already set and doesn't really care about you except for your sperm and to raise the kids which are the thing she actually wants. Deviation from plan is unacceptable.

    You are either down for this or you aren't. Her work ethic is unquestionable, she does not shy away from work: VERY BAD. Except for four of the most expensive years, raising two children from birth to school age.
    She is respectful and values a traditional man, and she is not a user: MEH.
    She values a guy that has his own life, she does not need or want to be the center of your life: WOULD BE GOOD except that she is expecting you to be the sole breadwinner for half a decade to pay for her spawn... so in a way, she and her needs will be central to your life.
    She expects a traditional marriage. She will take care of you and you will take care of her: CONTRADICTION, she can't cook, won't clean, and won't bring in any money to pay for those things to be done by others.
    She dates off and on and has been in one or two longer term relationships, but she hasn't found the guy that she loves: CORRECTION, has not found the guy who will agree to her demands.
    She wants an intimate relationship before marriage, but only in an exclusive sense: GOOD.
    She has been frustrated that she can't find the guy she thinks is right and she doesn't know why. CONCLUSION: She wants to be a stay-at-home mom but has no nor any desire to gain any, stay-at-home mom skills. This makes me think she'll panic at the first dirty diaper.

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    • 1mo

      Actually, i said, she won't clean "while she is working", the flip side to that is that she will clean when she is staying at home and do the typical house wife thing. In her mind, that's how she contirbutes to the family and the husband while he brings home the money. The non negotiable thing... those are my words not hers. Her words would be that she wants some time to be the stay at home mom taking care of the household. It is a little strange to me that taking a few years from work is a big deal... especially when she'll be bringing in more money over any 5 year period than most people will make in twenty years, but whatever. She can't cook worth a damn, true. But she'll give it a shot because that's what she does... i wouldn't be expecting any miracles though. Her, panic at a dirty diaper, no that would be like you panicking when you take the garbage out.

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    • 1mo

      No, she doesn't want them right now. She is fine with waiting for a number of years. Her health is excellent and she is way younger than her years. She will have no issues with waiting for a while. She means to find the right guy, not to find a sperm donor. In spite of the tone of the question she is interested in finding a partner, someone she can share in life with, but she does want to be a mom and housewife for a while.

    • 1mo

      Nevertheless, there is an agenda here. So no.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If I were a guy (and in her preferred race category)... I wouldn't marry her. She seems like a nice girl but she seems to have this plan set in motion that it's her way or the highway. This is a lot to ask for someone who can't cook and plans to stay home with kids and do housework. Does that the husband needs to work to provide for the family and then come home to cook also. Eating out and ordering in is going to get old and there goes her "healthy 100lb" figure. She almost sounds like she'd be too controlling to be in a relationship.

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    • 1mo

      Nope, she's not controlling, she wants to be a mom for a while, thats it, it's that simple. it might be a few years , it might be 4 or 5 years. She is goal oriented, that is why she got to where she is in her career. She has a goal to be a mom and housewife for a while, before and after which she will be making really good money. Enough so they could pay for college for both children and retire on her retirement savings alone. Seems to me that asking for a few years to be a housewife and mom isn't such an imposition, but maybe it is. I wonder, if she made $50K/yr instead and only took maternity leave, that would probably go over pretty well.

What Guys Said 18

  • If she were 5-10 years older, she'd sound absolutely perfect in my eyes. Literally everything about her's one of my boxes being ticked, aside from the cooking, and that's a non-issue anyway. As it is though, she's quite a lot older than any girl I'd have ever considered dating as a potential life partner before (since I'd ideally like a traditional marriage as well, albeit similarly with an exclusive intimate relationship before marriage- not interested in hookups, flings or casuals, and never have been). So I'd only be hesitant for that reason.

    But then again, if she does really look markedly younger than her age, and she does want to have kids ASAP (before getting into her forties, by which stage the age-related risk to those kids' genetic health would be greater than the inbreeding-related risk to the kids' genetic health of a first-cousin couple conceiving kids in their early twenties), maybe it'd be better that way. After all, since I've got both Aspergers and Epilepsy, studies indicate that my projected life expectancy's apparently over 30 years shorter than that of a normal person, and that I'm more than twice as likely to die young. Maybe it'd be better for me to go after an older woman like your friend; there'd be less chance of me dying on her, and if I did, I wouldn't subject her to as much suffering and grief by dying on her as I would with a younger woman, since she wouldn't have as long to wait before departing this world herself.

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    • 1mo

      If we go out and drinks are ordered it is not unusual for her to get carded. I think it's a little funny that a 35 year old woman gets carded, but it's a pretty good indicator that she looks younger than what she is.

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    • 1mo

      Im going to guess and say it's near 200K/yr

    • 1mo

      Oh yeah. With those sorts of earnings, saving up for a few years and building up a profitable property portfolio, I could easily help her rake in a net gain of over $100,000 per year from those property investments alone. And having dual citizenship by birth in a country with no personal income tax, capital gains tax, inheritance tax nor gift tax, and with a corporation tax rate of only 1% (the other primary bonus of my half Afro-Caribbean heritage), would help out with that even more.

  • I'm too young and not interested in getting married but she sounds nice, I'm sure she'll fined a guy but maybe she just has too look around more :P. And maybe be more easygoing. Usually in the west guys don't respond well if the only reason you're dating is for marriage.

    I know in some countries that's more common practise but here it seems forced. People want to date and then decide for yourself if you want to get married or not or never get married at all. I think maybe she needs to appreciate a relationship for what it is at the moment and not with a end goal in mind. It's not because she's Asian or short trust me there's a ton of guys who would date her. For instance I like Asian girls and I don't care that much about height short girls are attractive to me.

    Maybe the work could be a problem. If guys get the impressions you can't have fun with her she's too professional, serious etc. Then that might be a reason aswell.

    But I think she'll find someone has she been looking intensively or is she mostly working and just hoping for something? ^-^
    I told you what I thought she has to know what she wants to do. I think she can definitely find someone.

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  • No.

    The 2 kids/stay at home mom part is the deal breaker for me. I don't care about the number of kids or who is the bread winner in the family at all, but I care that she cares so much. If I get together with someone and we decide together that it's the best thing for us and our family, then great, I'm all up for it. But if that's an agenda that she has going into our relationship? Fuck no.

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    • 1mo

      Interesting, so let's say you and her sat down and talked about it and there were options to it, instead of being so inflexible, what would you say and what would you want for your family?

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    • 1mo

      Nope, you've made it pretty clear where you stand. I see the contradictions and the bias in your writing. The truth is in there.

    • 1mo

      Please, humor me for a second. How am I a hypocrite?

  • Not that I'd be her type lol but she sounds great for the most part. Don't know much of her actual personality and who she is as a person but I don't think she'd have a problem finding the right guy.

    I'm wondering about something though... she can't cook and she will not do housework so what's the point of her quitting her job to take care of her kids? She won't be able to cook food for them and she's not doing any housework at home so wouldn't it be more beneficial for her to keep working?

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    • 1mo

      She said she wouldn't do housework while she was working

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    • 1mo

      I didn't read anyone else's opinion, a little hint... if you don't want to restate yourself again, just add an update to your question so it's in full view.

      I don't need her to cook for me lol I was wondering what the kids would eat. I don't think being a stay at home mom is a play job, things get hectic, there's a lot of crying, clean up etc... besides it's completely reasonable for a parent to be at home since it's a critical point in a baby/toddler's life before they start school. Besides it's only 5 years and she'd go back to work.
      Did your friend ever take cooking classes by the way? lol I'm trying to picture how bad she is at it

    • 1mo

      Yes, she took cooking classes, but quit halfway through. Just not something she is good at. I joke and say she couldn't make toast, but she can do very basic things. But while she is working she just does not cook ever. She either eats food that doesn't require prep, like fruit, or she eats out or carry out, every day.

  • Probably a combination of issues.

    She is petite, which some guys don't care for.

    She's relatively old.

    She's looking for marriage, which many men want, but they usually don't go into a relationship with that as the acknowledged goal. This is comparable to a guy who goes out looking for women for sex. Most women want sex, but few go into a relationship for sex.

    She wants kids. At the age range she's looking in, most guys have already had kids and don't want more.

    Given her high salary I suspect that her definition of support during child raising is also pretty high, in the $100,000 range at least.

    When you put all these together, her dating pool is actually very small. If I were her, I would look at those Japanese gyys who work in isolated jobs for months at a time, but who make good money.

    Just to give you an idea of how small her dating pool is, assume she has access to 100,000 people, 50,000 of whom are men.

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    • 1mo

      Out of the 50K men only about 10K are In her age range.

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    • 1mo

      I also have to add that the money that she'll earn is somewhat illusory. If she's really going to have those 2 kids, she has to start NOW. Going back to work afterwards will also be very difficult. Engineering demands being at the ever receding cutting edge, something that is very hard to keep up with if you're not actually working in rhe field. As an example. I'm a nurse, a job that Is lwas technical than engineering, and iwaa out of work for 5 years. I had an enormously hard time getting a job and when I did I had to take an entry level job because nursing has moved on

    • 1mo

      Tbh, i put that phrase is there because i was trying to see where guys would draw the line. I do expect that she will take time off, but she has a number of options she can go to. Consulting or part time work stuff like that. And she is more management than technical, though she does work in a technical field at a major software/entertainment company.

  • its hard to tell from just a list obviously, but something stands out.

    she is not a housewife, YET she will be a housewife for 4-5 years dependant on the husband... ummm ya NO. personalities dont change. what is she going to be doing exactly? because it sounds like she wants to be the man of the house. which thats cool for some people, and im not here to judge. but if thats what u want, u can't just say UR TURN for 5 years. while she probably wouldn't like it either, her husband would pro either.

    there are a few other things that are minor but it seems a few views are out of line. typical of older women, especially when they have careers and NOW want a relationship since they skipped that in the rest of their life. i would suggest she import a husband ;) way easier than finding one in america.

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    • 1mo

      Hmm, interesting perspective. I'd say that in spite of her salary she expects the man to be the man of the house, she just realizes that dropping her salary for a few years is going to create some challenges. And what is she going to do for those years? It's called taking care of kids and if it comes down to it, it's not her thing she will go back to work and the family will have the benefit of her salary and benefits. It's a win-win for everyone.

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    • 1mo

      You don't sound at all like you are trying to help, but i'll put you down for a "i wouldn't date her" .

    • 1mo

      He's right, tho.

  • Umm, do you have a picture of her? I think she sounds cool. I would would probably date her, I like a woman that knows what she wants. But I also think that having yourself too set on what you want leaves no room for the partners opinion or what they want which is really important in a relationship. But your friend sounds like she is a real dedicated person. I just wonder why she is not writing this and a friend is.

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    • 1mo

      She would never ask this here. And i worded things for this question, not her, she has no plan per se. I am really trying to sort out if guys would mind her taking off from work for a few years, or if they would be intimidated by her pedigree. What im getting is that they don't like the perception that they have no say in what she chooses to do. Im betting that if i lied and said she made $50K/yr and would be willing to continue working they'd be ok with that even though it gives the family less flexibility. it's all about how i word the question and gives good insight to how she should think about things.

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    • 28d

      i think its perfect for her to be 'set on what she wants',. shell meet a guy who wants the same or she won't., but she shouldn't settle.

      this post is very clear and the poster drew avery precise picture of things. all the guys are answering cowardly, as if they can't hand;er the idea of her and she's supposed to be less who she is to accommodate them. just say you are not interested instead of trying to change her lol

      its a great direct post. the woman sounds really cool and strong,. i wish her well.

      sounds like she needs a guy who is aware of his strengths and weaknesses , can accept himself and still aim to be better. and can respect certainty in their partner. not going to find much of that on gag. people look at others like a lump of clay they get to sculpt into their own design.

      i wish her well.

    • 28d

      I agree with you completely when the time is right she will meet someone. Things dont always happen right when we want them to, I know because I have always been the one who wants everything right now, but I am starting to appreciate how patience can pay off.

  • Not a chance.

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  • From all listed, no, I wouldn't

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    • 1mo

      and why is that?

    • 1mo

      In general, I'm not attracted to Asian women.

      Also, she sounds VERY rigid.

    • 1mo

      she's actually very sweet, some of my wording here was very direct for sake of clarity but maybe a little beyond where she is actually at. But no changing the fact you aren't attracted to Asian women.

  • My girlfriend is my friend.

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  • I would not date your friend because I'm asexual and aromantic.

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  • Yes. Yes I would.

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  • Yeah I'd date her if she doesn't mind a college guy working to get a Pharmacy degree.

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  • No I wouldn't. The fact that she's 35, never married even more so that she doesn't have kids throws up a lot of red flags. Something else in my opinion is wrong w her. For women they usually have that maternal instinct to want to have children, most, especially marriage so for her to be almost 40 w neither of those two things makes an alarm go off in my head. I'm not good w her saying she expects me to be ok w this, no exceptions makes me wonder what type of personality she has. As far as her being "pretty" according to you, a man'/ view of pretty completely differs from that of a woman. Women tend to think all women are pretty especially their friends. The fact that she can't cook is not good w me. I wouldn't expect her to cook all the time cause I know I can cook up some good eats, but she has to know how to as well. Money wise most of us men don't give a crap where you work, if she's hot I don't care if she works at McDonald's. Men don't tend to look at that as much as a lot of women do. No it's not because she's short or Asian as far as why she can't meet someone, it's something else. I'm thinking it's her personality from reading what you wrote. Yes I love Asian women, very gorgeous.

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    • 1mo

      She has been working on her degrees and working on her career. She hasn't stepped back to focus on relationships. If you like Asian girls, you as a guy would find her attractive and not in a million years would you guess her to be 35 years old. But if you don't care where she works and only care about her looks, then you won't have much tolerance for her career and she won't have much tolerance for the fact you won't appreciate her for much more than how she cooks and how she looks. So i'll keep you down for a no.

  • She's sounds really nice. I wouldn't date her because she's twice my age though

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  • Id Fuck. . .

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    • 1mo

      ok, well, fucking isn't her problem, im pretty sure she'd have not problem with that if that's all she wanted... but thanks.

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    • 1mo

      You have to get the girl first, so put a lid on it until you get one at least.

    • 1mo

      And how do I do it
      even thinking about how big or good somewhere looks ruins everything

  • Well I'm not single. I will imagine I was.

    Her budgeting would have to be really unusually good.

    Note that I -am- the sole provider for my family. I'm fine with it. But she makes lots of money then wants to drop out of the workforce.

    Either she is happy living on under half our combined income when both working, or more likely. She's looking for a guy who makes more than her.

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    • 1mo

      She is ok with him making less, she does not believe she will find a guy that makes more than her. Its not impossible, just not likely. She doesn't view that as an important factor as much as she wants someone that is a dedicated, hard working family man. and just as importantly she would not mind living on a lower income... she is not an extravagant person, she is pretty practical.

    • 1mo

      Unless she's saving massively now and living frugally most guys would find it surprising.

      Also guys who think they are below her financial cutoff just won't make a move on her.

  • If she would be the primary financial support and is into femdom too, then I would give it a try.
    White, no kids, non-drinker. I would rather keep the money because I am fine with cleaning the house.

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    • 1mo

      What? lol here is an answer i did not anticipate. Ill be sure to let her know haha.

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    • 1mo

      Just judging by the discussions she and I have had about our sex lives, im gonna go out on a limb and say that this is so not what she would be into, but thanks for answering.

    • 1mo

      Sure. You never know until you ask.

What Girls Said 8

  • She sounds like someone I could be friends with (I'm straight female, so I wouldn't date her). She seems like a brilliant and hardworking woman. I admire her, and this is just an observation from the post.
    I think her problem is that she is focused more on career than relationships. There needs to be some balance. She seems like she would give little time to the guy in her life. She also sounds like she hasn't been looking because she is caught up in work. I hope she takes my words into consideration and that she finds the man of her dreams.

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    • 1mo

      I think she looks and gives it a shot and when it doesn't work she tends to bury herself in work. I do believe if she found a guy that she connected with she would slow down on the work, but you are right, she kind of needs to take that step so she can find a guy.

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    • 1mo

      Well, you gotta buckle down for a few years girl. She has a choice to slow things down, you do not given you are in pre-med. But you are still young, she is concerned about her age... even though she looks like a 20 year old sometimes.

    • 1mo

      Wow, look at the answers im getting on here... they really take a dislike to some of that.

  • She sounds too intimidating to date. How is a guy supposed to be at her level and expectation when her expectations are too damn high? Any man would feel like he's not good enough for her.

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  • Definitely not. Besides the obvious stuff... She sounds like the kind of person who has to have things exactly her way. No question about it, her way or the highway sort of attitude. That's a big turn off for me.

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  • She should buy some cats. It's already too late for her...

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    • 1mo

      god damit how come i didn't think of this :( i have said this to other people hehe good one though ;)

  • She sounds cute. But she has to be able to cook that right there is a deal breaker. So I'd say no.

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    • 1mo

      OMG, over cooking? haha, well i guess it is what it is. That girl could do a lot of things, but what she was given for brains was taken away from her cooking ability. I doubt she could make toast.

    • 1mo

      Lol omg that's so bad. I feel sad for her.

    • 1mo

      She took a cooking class one time because she was going to try to learn to cook for a guy she was dating. She quit half way through the class and told me that she'd just stick with carry out and then they broke up anyway.

  • I'm out, I don't even know if I want kids

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  • Wow, you didn't even TRY to make it sound like "your friend"

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    • 1mo

      Im not here to sell her to someone and im not trying to get her a date. Im here to put up a question, so i wrote down what i thought a guy might see from their point of view, at a distance, so i can get clear opinions. It would actually be interesting to reword this like a dating profile and see what kind of responses would be put forth.

  • I know women like her who got married later. I'd say I always thought being able to cook was important, but surprisingly, most of them don't cook. They just buy food or do basic things and the guys are happy with that.

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