On a first date, should you talk about the others person's career/life goals or their hobbies/interests?

Which is better to focus more about on a date for someone in their mid 20s, the other person's career and life goals or their hobbies and other life enjoyments?

more career oriented and life goals questions or questions about the person's hobbies, life enjoyments (that are non-productive like movies and music)?

  • Career and life goals
    13% (8)17% (4)14% (12)Vote
  • Hobbies and interests
    87% (54)83% (19)86% (73)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A little bit of everything. It should occur naturally without planning. If all else fails, humor saves the day. Sometimes its not what you ask about, but how you ask them. Always make sure you show signs of interest and attention. Eye contact and verbal ques.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Go for all four! Use the date time to get to know each other, in casual ways and in professional ways, so you know if you want a second date or not.

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What Girls Said 25

  • Depends on how much you want to freak the other person out. It's serious stuff to talk about, the future, on a first date.

    If they bring up what they're doing (career) or anything, then you have an opening for it.

    Otherwise, ask mostly about their hobbies. That -can- tell you a lot about them.

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  • I think it's best to start with hobbies and interests. I hate talking about work, especially since people don't understand what I do when I try to explain it. It's just easier to talk about hobbies lol.

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    • 28d

      Right! Leave work at work. Dates bring up work im like... Oh fantastic let me get my timecard quick.

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    • 24d

      Try to start dates off with an article i read or some thing i heard on the radio etc

    • 24d

      @Stmarco Thanks, I'm gonna try with the article idea or radio. Because I do read a lot of articles. I don't have cable so I miss a lot of mainstream tv. I have netflix, so I can always talk about that too. Most people though only want to talk about travel which I haven't done much due to money and lack of people to go with (it's more expensive to travel single!)

  • I always say don't limit yourself. Just talk about whatever comes to mind, just try to avoid awkward topics like exes or what their freaky fetishes are - some people are put off by that. Lol.

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    • 1mo

      So out of the 2 Topics i mentioned, which one do you think should be focused on more?

    • 1mo

      Hobbies and such, let career come up if they choose to talk about it. Otherwise it's a little like you're gauging your interest based on how successful they are, or it can run into a tangent about how your boss sucks.

  • I'd definitely start off with hobbies and interests first. Move on to more serious things with the following dates (if you get there).

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  • I can't get you guys, are you planning your conversations in advance? I mean It should come naturally.
    Dates aren't interviews. At least It doesn't happen that way where I live.
    But to answer your question, yes he can ask me anything he's interested in about my goals, hobbies, interests and etc. Just I prefer to have a fun time instead of having tons of questions swapped.

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  • I personally think that the topics career and life goals is a little too deep for the very first date. Of course you shouldn't wait for those informations forever but the fourth or five date is still early enough.

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  • I wanna know about what they do and how they feel about their career. I don't want to know the details or salary that kind of stuff. But i like a guy that has some career goals and is happy in what he is doing.

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  • Career often feels too formal like an interview and can sometimes lead to salary which is a no in dating for me

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  • both are fine

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  • Depends on the person. Some people love and focus on their career. Other people are more passionate about their hobbies. Just keep asking about different stuff until their eyes light up.

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  • i wouldn't worry about either
    those things should come up organically
    first date should be about whether you two have a connection or not

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  • Both are good conversation starters... Why not?
    The purpose of a date is for you to get to KNOW them. But yet many people in the comments are saying its not because "you don't know the person well enough." And that's exactly the reason why dates were created in the first place. You wanna get to know his/her likes, dislikes, hobbies, career and life goals. Why? Because maybe one day it can affect yours or each others future of what you want to do and see in life. Therefore, its important to both individuals so that you can connect with that person/

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  • hobbies and interest.. put in mind that you're not going to an interview

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  • All are relevant and good to talk about. Start off with easier hobbies and such and then go deeper.

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  • Keep it light but try to find mutual interests that may aid in creating a connection.

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  • Both :p

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  • shouldn't give away the huge life goals and such on the first date, if you don't really know the person. Might scare them off, and might be more deep than some are willing to go

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  • You can talk about both actually.

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  • I would say both. If they are in school I usually ask what course they are taking, if they like it, what they want to be in the future. I also ask about what they like to do...

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  • hobbies and interests

    and medical topics

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  • I don't go on dates. It's a stupid concept

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  • Why not both?

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    • 1mo

      Both can be talked about but which one do you think should be focused on more?

    • 1mo

      Start with hobbies and interests. Move to work a bit later.

  • Since it's a date, I would like to know the person's interest.

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  • I'd throw in a question from each and whatever one they seems more enthusiastic about is the one I'd pursue questioning about...

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  • Talking about lifer goals and a career is too formal and I'd feel as though I was at an interview, not on a date. I would just want to chat in general and see where the convo leads us.

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What Guys Said 9

  • I just kinda go with the flow. Que sera, sera. I don't have a script or even a flow chart for conversation, don't plan things out in any great detail, it's basically "Meet Girl Y at Place X. See how things go, adjust, adapt, and improvise accordingly."

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  • Neither.

    The first date is all about fun - you need to test out each other's definition of fun and sense of humor. If that's incompatible, then you might as well call it quits right there.

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  • I wouldn't pre plan that much - Just let the conversation evolve naturally

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  • You know i had a date with this girl who was drilling me on life goals and asking me stuff like whats the greatest thing you've ever accomplished. etc. Aside from being rude in general, the content was Aggressively invasive. Just eat your sushi and talk about an article you read, some other shit than resumes.

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  • All of those are fine.

    Only things that should be off topic are exes, problems with exes, sex/sex life, and anything negative or weird in general.

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  • Hobbies and interests. Why would you care how much someone makes if you loved them or wanted to be with them? Money doesn't define a person.

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  • Both kind of gives you an idea of who the person is and were they are going or like to go.

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  • Depends on the country and culture.

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  • No, that's more down the line in my opinion.

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