What kinds of freedoms do you lose when you commit to someone?

not just general things like alone time or the ability to hang out with certain female friends. but what do y'all fight over? im trying to see if dating is ever in my best interest again bc im afraid to get stuck with another guy thats a control freak that orders me around and won't let me have pets, tells me i spend too much time getting ready, tells me what to wear or tries to control what i can and can't spend money on or eat. just give me a heads up!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, you pretty much have it down. I would say getting married was probably the biggest mistake of my life. Granted, it was the wrong person but most people would have been a better choice, I don't believe that any choice would have been good. The biggest things I lost were control over the finances. My ex-wife was an exorbitant spender and even though I made between $380k-$410k/year, there were some months where we lived paycheck to paycheck. In addition, she has a pretty good career herself and made about $105k/year. Yet, she would never contribute a penny of her salary towards joint bills, savings, and investments. Whenever I brought it up, it would turn into this weird "Who are you to tell me how to spend MY money?" and blah blah blah. She ended up moving into her own room and... oh man. It was just the worst years of my life.

    My advice to everyone is just don't do it. There are things that I did in life when I was younger because people told me that they'd make me happier and to be honest, a lot of those things were correct. Going to college was a good idea. Concentrating on my career was a good idea. Having kids? I didn't want them and against my instincts I had two of them -- greatest choice I ever made as those girls are amazing. But getting married? Pass on that one.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends on who you're committing to, how much you're willing to give away, and what you think should and shouldn't happen.
    Uhm, it's all based on individual dynamics.
    My commitment meant: not talking to guys as much, not being able to form strong male friendships (which hasn't been an issue bc I have like 0 male friends and basically haven't since puberty.), he doesn't want me to dress with my assets out (but I dress how I want).

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What Guys Said 8

  • You are talking about freedoms? I don't know who you got with but its usually the guys who lose freedoms... and thats why i stay away from relationships. I like my freedom and if i hook up with someone, im sure they like their freedom as well so we are together, but still free.
    Its a rare one-of-a-kind thing I've got going on.

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  • u lose the freedom to tell ur girlfriend to shut up lol ;)

    u dont really lose much, u should be GAINING more than u lose anywya. if u feel like u are losing things u are in a bad relationship. u should be there to help and complete one another. taking things away usually is a side affect of lack of trust or other issues.

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  • The freedom to just do as you want when you want. It must be noted that most never actually had such freedoms in the first place due to monetary or time constraints. Basically things that you could do without considering another person which you must do if attached.

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  • depends on who you commit to XD if you commit to some klingy bitch (could be male or female), then you will lose a lot of freedom. but if you have the optimal partner you just lose the freedom to not consider them in your own plans.

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  • It all depends on the guy and considering how most guts are now adays you will find a lot of bad ones. You just have to look around I guess but be careful since guys can still put up a front.

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  • All of them but you gain a new freedom, not having to do your laundry or make sammiches. Or vice versa, open pickle jars.

    Just kidding but yeah you probably wanna freakily control your own stuff, so like, yeah, just don't date freaky controllers, only freaky deaky sneeky sheety boppers.

    But in all reality, just date an old rich guy. Or a cute broke young guy. And you do the controlling. Mmhm power hour uhh-tss-uhh-tss crave raves to da grave baybbbesssssss...

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  • Depends on the type of comitment.

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  • nothing for me.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Why do people act like relationships are death sentences? Just find the right person and your life will improve.

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    • 1mo

      bc I've dated people in the past that were overly controlling/demanding and mooched off me and my family. the reason i posted this was to gauge what is considered a healthy/normal level of possesiveness.

    • 1mo

      If you aren't able to understand these things on your own then relationships are not for you.

  • That's why it's never good to jump into a relationship. Get to know someone's core values first and decide from there.

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  • I lost the freedom to have sex with whoever I want, and pretty much nothing else.

    Every time my boyfriend asks me if I'd have a problem with anything he wants to do, I say "you're an adult, you can do whatever you want".

    And I expect the same from him.

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  • The right guy will give you a lot to gain, like love, respect, care, companionship and someone to work through things with together.

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  • Farting openly and unrelentingly.

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  • Nothing. If you're losing your 'freedoms'; you're in a shitty relationship.

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  • Nothing, if I feel like I am losing freedoms then he is not the one for me...

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  • I almost married a guy like that too - it's exhausting. It was impossible to satisfy him for more than 5 minutes and I started to feel subhuman. I haven't dated seriously in 3 years and I am actually happy.

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  • The freedom of having less stress and worrying about things like faithfulness. Freedom of movement I guess like in my case I had to let go of a dream to stay with them

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  • I do not lose any freedom when im in a relationship. I still talk to other guys. I like to try out my options, that does not mean sex, that means if i see something better im going to explore it.

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  • I'd rather be in a friends with benefits relationship. That way I have my own indpendence , but I still enjoy a guys' company at the same time. friends with benefits isn't just about sex. We do other things together too I. e holidays , cinema and meals together etc.

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    • 1mo

      wow i got none of those perks when i had long term relationships with guys bc they were content to mooch off me.

  • in my opinion women like you should never get into relationships. Just stay away if you have that thinking from now

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    • 1mo

      it was bc i was abused ok? not my fault the narcissist chose me. important thing is i got away and im trying to avoid shit for awhile.

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