How do I work through this odd place with a wonderful woman?

This woman and I meet up for dinner or coffee at least once a week, and we've been doing this since September. We both live in a small town and she's a great woman, but I'm not sure about what we've been doing. Every time we meet up, we've gotten closer and closer both physically and emotionally. I've been to her house, I've met her family, but we still haven't kissed.

The last time we met up, we went over to her place and we ended up talking until midnight, with a bottle of wine, after a lovely dinner. Here's the thing: I have a difficult time being physically close to anyone, though I've been working on it. She knows that, but I still think it might be pushing her away. At the end of the last night (after yet again, I failed to make a move, partly because we were both quite tipsy), we hugged as we said goodbye (she always asks for a hug at the end), and mid-hug I asked, "do I get more than a hug this time?", and she said said I could get a second hug, which I accepted. Mid-second-hug, she asks, "did you just ask if you could get more than a hug?" I didn't really say anything, but we smiled and laughed a bit, and I said, "I like you", to which she replied, "I know... but you seem scared" so I said, "then show me" (don't really know what that means, I was tipsy from the wine) and I can't really remember what was said after that exactly, I just remember she was really giggly after that even though nothing ended up happening.

We didn't talk much over the weekend, so I want to call her and talk about what happened. I really think something's there, I just need to be a lot more courageous when it comes to intimacy. I'm just not sure how I tell her that without making it seem odd. So I need your suggestions, or insight into this.

Thanks!


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What Girls Said 2

  • Sounds like she's trying to go your pace but missing something. It can be difficult to make a physical connection at first if the other is also conscious of your own inability to make physical contact.

    The time you're spending together sounds lovely, it sounds like a movie... except at the end of the movie she's either going to continue playing along until someone else comes along and dates her, or reject you and then realize she loves you months later.

    Ask her out, if it's been weeks then just do it. Say "hey, I know it's obvious but I like you-- would you like to start dating?"

    Bing bang, boom-- yes or no, or the "ehhhhh can we be friends?"

    Because what you're doing sounds lovely... and friendly. I would love someone to hang out with every week and drink wine and talk all night... but that sounds like what I would want in addition to my current boyfriend, with a girl or a guy.

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    • 1mo

      Thanks! That actually really helps. I guess I'm just a bit nervous because I tend to overthink things (hence the trouble with physical contact). I suppose I'm also a bit timid because I really do enjoy the time we spend together, and I don't want those to stop if she doesn't feel the same way.

    • 1mo

      My last boyfriend (before my current) was a very quiet, shy, kind man. He was very reserved and when he hugged and touched me, it felt like he was a brick wall because of his own anxiety ( and overthinking).

      This guy was very handsome, very classy... rich, too (not that this mattered much) but he was romantic (or tried to be) but when it came to physical contact he couldn't get past his anxiety. We dated for 6 months before the physical loneliness broke me and I left him.

      I'm not trying to pressure you-- but to a woman who wants to be touched, it's important to make contact and keep physical contact if you want to be with this person.

      Good luck, and take the leap. Work on the overthinking, work on the barrier, it'll be worth it.

    • 1mo

      Thanks again for the advice. I called her and we had quite a lovely conversation.

      She said the reason she felt a bit awkward the other night was because she's still settling from having left a serious relationship a few months ago. I completely understand that, though there's still a small part of me that thinks that was just her way of letting me down easy. That aside, we're meeting up again for dinner again soon (I told her I'd cook her some Asian favourites), and I want to talk more about it.

      I want to tell her that I can't be her friend but I think she's genuinely the loveliest woman I've met (don't know if I should be that honest), that being said, I want her to take all the time she needs to settle and that when she's ready, she can call me and we can try this again. How would you view someone who said that to you?

  • Grow some balls and tell you like her. Or she will drop your ass really quick

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    • 1mo

      Haha, thanks. I've been telling myself that for the past few months. The thing is, I already have. She knows. But I feel like we actually have to talk about where we stand.

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    • 1mo

      She is so lucky!!! I never had a chemistry like that with anyone before

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