Do you care about a girl's past?

Not her sexual past (!) but her past in general.
I've never been in a relationship and I'm afraid if I'll ever be they'll start questioning me and digging and then leave me when they find out that I was physically abused throughout my childhood by my father and later heavily bullied in school :( There was a period when I used to self harm, experimented with drugs and tried to commit suicide a few times and I became badly anorexic. I still have some problems with food today but besides that I am completely fine, unless you start questioning. I guess my question is would finding this out about a girl you're seeing drive you away because you're afraid she's a psycho or something? Or would it bother you not knowing about a girls past in that sense at all if you were in a relationship with her? Would you pressure her to tell you and leave her if it turns out it was not as you expected?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I do care about a girl's past. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I wanna know everything about the girl I'm in a relationship with. I don't expect her to tell me right away, but as we get more comfortable together and build the trust, I hope to know everything, especially important things.
    The reason is not just because I wanna know about her, but because I wanna know what type of morals and ethics she has.
    In your case, it doesn't seem like you did anything bad, except for the drugs, but I guess that's a consequence of the abuse you suffered. I wouldn't leave you because you were abused, unless you're destroyed and even though I try to help you, I end up fucked up too.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • in dating, people start off slow while slowly getting to know the person. I would recommend not telling him everything all at once just little bits here and there after you build a strong trust bond with him.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Well it sounds as though you have a good grasp on your past and how it has affected your life. It would probably be something to bring up somewhat early on in dating but not right away. And probably don't lay it all out at first either. I think most people will be OK if you explain it and show that you're on a better path.

    One way that society has changed... When I was 25/26 I was dating a woman who switched over (without reason) to being bitchy and abusive towards me. She never gave me a firm reason as to why she was "taking something out on me". Turns out she had a difficult past but she shunned me from her life and I couldn't do anything to help her. I think in today's world she would have got some sort of therapy.

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  • Well I would not be to concerned about it, we all have things we did in the past, and that is where they should stay.. but even tho I just said that.. if say found out that she was a person that killed someone else.. I think that would end that encounter if I was with her at the time.. or if not.. for sure stop thinking about dating her again.. I would hope that if we did get close she would be honest about her past as well as the present same as I would be.. but it is not like I would even ask her to bring her past up.. it would be her choice and only hers. take care now

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  • I wouldn't hold it against someone, if I got to know them first.

    My ex was pretty much in the same situation as you. After I got to know her it made we want to be with her more because I could offer her stability and help her.

    So gradually tell about stuff like this. It's fine to talk about ant it's important to talk about it, it's just not first date material lol.

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  • Honestly!.. If she is sexy enough I am willing to put up with any kind of shit 💩..
    That's how world Operates

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  • "would finding this out about a girl you're seeing drive you away because you're afraid she's a psycho?"

    I don't know if it would drive me away or not. But I wouldn't think you are a psycho. I would be worried about how much did you actually heal if I was meant to build a family.

    "Or would it bother you not knowing about a girls past in that sense at all if you were in a relationship with her?"
    It would definitely bother me not knowing about such an important thing.

    "Would you pressure her to tell you and leave her if it turns out it was not as you expected?"
    It would be hard pressure someone to tell you something I have no idea it exists.

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  • I guess I'll toss in my opinion. No, it wouldn't bother me. I'd probably want to beat your father to a bloody pulp, but that's the protective person in me. I wouldn't blame you for things you couldn't control, or the measures you used to deal with it. It's not who you are now. Obviously, you're different than you were, so how you're treated should reflect that.

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  • I don't have issues with a person's past but if they feel the need to talk about their past, I would be willing to do so.

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  • anyone with half a brain would care.

    you can't make a hoe into a house wife.

    her past is the biggest predictor of her future.

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    • 1mo

      Did you even bother to read the description?

    • 1mo

      no i hate to read past the question.

      i hate being lured into long ass stories =P

    • 1mo

      Yeah thought so

  • Im torn about that. I'm all for letting someone's current actions show who they are and not letting their past define them. But on the other hand, I dated a girl with exactly the same problems and she ended up having weird daddy issues and cheated on me with an older guy, so I would be a little hesitant now

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    • 1mo

      so do you think my chances would be better if I just lie and tell them my life has been perfect?

    • 1mo

      no. absolutely not. It's never good to start relationships on a lie. if he's not willing to let you show him how who you really are then he's not worth the effort in the first place. Just don't go crazy and cheat on him and everything will be fine.

  • Nope I wouldn't judge you at all... But sexual past is another thing

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    • 1mo

      Why? Most people have had sex by the end of highschool, as long as they're loyal to you once you start dating, isn't that all that matters?

    • 1mo

      @samhouse well what if her number is too much? My number is Almost zero.. And I want someone like me

  • If I find a girl like you (with your past) I would appreciate her even more and stick with her. If she found the will to get herself back it is a very great thing. And yes I am interested of course about a girls past for serious relationships, it is a normal thing to be interested if you love a person about their past.

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  • don't know about others but personally I think ur past don't affect at all... but it is always better to tell ur man about ur past as much as u want (if not all) and everybody did mistake in their past and that's y we learning things so don't b afraid live ur life gud luck

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  • I wouldn't pressure a girl to tell me about her past if she didn't want to nor would I leave a girl I love just because of her past. I think you're fine too be honest. It just depends on the gut really, but personally i wouldn't judge you.

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  • I want a girl like you, whose never been in a relationship. It is difficult to find girls like you nowadays.

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  • I don't care about that kind of stuff, we all have a tough past I care that you're done with the self harming and you're a positive person now.

    The only thing that matters to me from her past is why her last relationships failed, it speaks a lot to the character of the person.

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  • It is more about how she has handled her past, than it is about the past itself.

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  • if she has had more then 10 bfs then I wouldn't want date this loose pussy

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    • 1mo

      That's not how the female anatomy works.

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    • 1mo

      It doesn't work like that honey..

    • 1mo

      haha, baby , I dont know mine is 8 inches and never wanted to have it bigger.
      I know it only hurts a cervis if its big?

  • I don't give a fuck.

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  • Not at all. I just want to have a good time no need for a history lol.

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  • I do not care about a girl's past. I do not care about anyone's past. The past is the past.

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  • Why wouldn't I? I always talk of topics related to this when I'm interested in someone. If you got with a guy who abused his previous girlfriend would you care or not?

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    • 1mo

      so if you were seeing a girl and she told you these things would you leave her because of it?

    • 1mo

      Not at all I'd support her and try to be empathetic and more loving. In your case anyway. I'm saying the past is an important thing to know. It should be something everyone should care about.

  • i'd be hesitant, but if i really liked her-i'd work passed it.

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  • I would personally like to know over time, and it would be right (this is all my opinion btw) to let them know you've had a hard past and don't feel comfortable telling them right away. My best friend (no romantic relationship) was raped in 9th grade, and she didn't tell me after our freshman year of college (although we did become friends after it happened, it still took her that long to tell, and that is 100% perfectly fine!). If someone thinks you're a "psycho" for that you shouldn't date them in the first place, they obviously don't understand ;) It definitely is something you should bring up relatively soon, but by no means should you feel to give any details, whatsoever. Just say you have had a difficult past, and ask them to understand it may take a while to give all of the details. Everyone has some degree of crappy-ness in their life, they should understand that you have had it worse than most people. If this person is really a good guy (or gal) they'll be fine with it and won't press details. Hoped this helped :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well, I'd want to know everything about the person that I was dating! For sure! Especially their past because that's what makes them who they are. It wouldn't bother me too much knowing the stuff you went through, in fact, I'd feel proud that you got through that and I'd want to help you on your journey of healing and lead you even farther away from that 😁

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  • Why would someone ever care about other people past? Like am I dating your past? The person you were in the past? Don't worry

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    • 1mo

      I'm just afraid not everyone will think like that..

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    • 1mo

      But without past, there would be no present you. So the person they're dating is a product of their past actions.

    • 1mo

      @AleDeEurope the past made us the who we are now, yes for sure. But you aren't supposed to relive it over and over. You learn the lesson and you move on. How can you judge some based on her past from like 4/5 years ago? I'm not that person anymore. Like I said I'm dating what you are now not what you used to be in the past.

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