What do you do when you have an addiction and it's hurting others but you can't stop. Does anyone else relate?

Kinda unrelated to the topic but this website usually gives good advice.

i don't really want to say what the addiction is but in the end I feel all addictions are the same to an extent.

i feel like addictions are an alter ego that you do not want. While inside I want to stop and put feelings aside there's always a secondary voice in my head that always wins.

imy hurting my husband. He feels I'm selfish, and I'm far from it but in areas where it comes to the addiction I defintatly can see myself being selfish. It hurts me badly that he feels that way and I want to change.

this May get confusing but I hope I explain it in a way you can understand. While I can put my husband first most the times the emotions are sometimes still strong and I can't feel happy and myself when my addiction "needs" aren't met. As much as I inside want to be the negative emotions always win.

for example, sometimes he'll stay awake to try and make me feel better but my emotions can't calm down. So I tell him I'll sleep elsewhere so I'm my anxiety doesn't cause him lack of sleep for work.

i hate myself so much all the time with this. Growing up the last thing I ever was was selfish. I hurts so bad the man I married thinks this. But I honestly feel I can't change, I've tried so much and I have improved but I'm not completely better.

I've tried to let him go so he can have a happy life but when it comes down to it we both aren't strong enough to let each other go. I don't know what to anymore :( can anyone relate?

Updates:
22d I should state though the addiction is not to drugs or alcohol. It's more of a behavioral addiction

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What Guys Said 2

  • you really really need to stop your addiction:/ I have a really really deep similar experience. I had the best girlfriend ever. she was everything I wanted in a girl. but I had an addiction to anti anxiety pills. she didn't know bout it. I started changing so much due to the addiction. I became someone no one should ever see. I scared her. she broke up with me. I didn't tell her about my addiction til 9 months after we broke up. I've been clean for 4 months now. but we been broken up for an year and 2 months now. she has a new boyfriend. someone who treats her good. I miss and love her so fucking much. I regret everything I did to hurt her. I still cry every night wanting her back so bad. all I'm telling u is. change this addiction. til it changes u. get rid of ur addiction. before it gets rid of u

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    • 21d

      I'm sorry about your ex girlfriend, also good job on your recovery. :) unfortunately my addiction is more behavioral, not to any substances. So in a way I feel the addiction is embeded into my personality.. we haven't even broke up but I still feel bad everyday I can't be the loving happy wife he deserves. Sometimes it hurts more to be with him than without because I can't be what he wants. I just wish the addiction could go away so I could be the happy playful girl I was a year ago

    • 21d

      hmmm. well im not really sure what ur addiction is. but it does sounds like something you can change if you were a different person an year ago. i can't really tell u how since I don't know what it is. but try talking to your husband and ask him what he thinks u should do to change this addiction. lots of guys Now at days don't care a bout girls. ur lucky to have a man to stick with u after all of this. he doesn't wanna lose u. whatever u do, don't push him away. you will most definetly regret it so much in the future

  • EVERYONE is addicted to something. It could be a substance, an activity, or a thing. That is the very definition of addiction. They can be good or bad addictions, but essentially everything we do is an addiction we just dont look at it that way. Not until it becomes bad for our health mentally and physically or it starts to effect how others interact with us does it become an "addiction". Once people discover your addiction and know when you are or are not using or doing something you can count on them telling you their expert opinion about your lifestyle and how their perfect life is a model for how you should live yours. Nobody will ever look at themselves and say they should change this or that and actually do it, but MOST people will never skip a beat in telling their loved ones, friends, or even strangers that they should or should not do something.

    People know, as do you, that their addiction is either good or bad. They know if they should or shouldn't stop, and they know how they can get help if they need to. The only thing that will get an addiction to stop is if the person doing it actually wants to stop. Nobody, even your boyfriend, will make you stop your addiction unless you want to. Breaking up, arguing, etc. will not change it. Only you will stop when and how you want to. Do not let hypocrites and judgmental friends and family lecture you about your addiction unless you have asked them to. Never let anyone make you feel less because they are different than you. That is them making themselves feel better by making you feel worse. That is actually an addiction many people have too, lol.

    Since you are already aware you have an addiction you are smart enough to know how and where to get help. If you want to keep your addiction you probably know how to hide it or do it in moderation so you dont have to quit. So its really up to you.

    Are you OK with needing something or having to do something to be normal? If you have it are you a good, conscientious member of society who doesn't endanger others with said addiction? If you can do it, does it hurt others or your relationships? Does doing this thing shorten your life or endanger it? These are the questions you should ask yourself and depending on your answer you should know what you have to do.

    Bottom line, if your addiction is really hurting others around you. Then you choose them or the addiction. If its not really hurting them then its more like them not accepting you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • My husband has an addictive personality. He was addicted to gambling and drugs. His sister and I did an intervention. He wrote me letter telling me he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He quit the drugs cold turkey. A year later we moved to Texas to put a stop to his gambling.
    Another example is my sister in laws husband, who was addicted to coke. He had to go to rehab.
    They both describe their addictions as a very strong NEED to do what they did. No matter what they did or who they hurt they couldn't stop it until it became too late. You can try to submit yourself into rehab. Try to stay committed to it until you feel you're better.

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  • The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. Which you have done here. You should seek professional help if the addiction is so bad that it's affecting those close to you.

    In my own experience loved ones are very supportive but it doesn't last forever. Supporting a loved one who is not getting any better is like carrying someone on your back. They get tired.

    I lost my partner, home, family and job to addiction and although now i've changed my entire life around I still have many regrets. Addiction is selfish and destructive to everyone including yourself.

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  • I don't know what the solution is for you, but it starts with realizing addiction is a disease and not a character flaw.

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