Could you be with someone if you were thier backup plan or 2nd choice?

You are flirting with someone, and they just keep giving you mixed signals and stringing you along. Then all of the sudden they take you with open arms. Later you suspect and find that their plan to succeed failed/life took an unexpected turn. Or they had someone else in mind that turned them down. Could you love that person if you were just thier second choice?

Updates:
20d Thank you all. You've given me excellent points I've never thought of. My opinion. If she were to drop out of college or move to the big city that she wanted to for example. I would confront her with it but wouldn't let it get to me. If I was just a second choice, absolutely not. I will not be second best I want to be her best. But if the scenario were the other guy hurt her and she wanted me. I would give her time to rebuild confidence, talk to her and think about it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No I definitely would not settle for being some guys second choice. I wouldn't like to be with someone who didn't want me or love me in the first place. Knowing that he thinks about the one that got away every morning he wakes up and every night when he goes to bed. He wouldn't be happy and nor would I. Never just settle for someone who you have no feelings for or are not really attracted to, because you will not be content and you will end up looking for someone else and breaking that other persons heart. If you choose to keep up the pretence they will sense this and discover your true feelings anyway.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone who's saying no, get real- literally everyone forms their first crushes back when they're still in the pee-wee leagues, back before they're even in their teens. So EVERYONE is going to be someone's backup plan, guaranteed. Unless you're in some weird sort of romantic relationship with a childhood friend, tutor, former teacher or family member, you ARE one of your partner's backup plans. And your partner WILL be one of your backup plans. Because you'll have picked out your first choice back when you were a naive, uninformed, inexperienced young fool, on the flimsiest basis imaginable. And your first choice will almost ALWAYS have been wrong. The first choice isn't what matters. I couldn't care less if I'm not a girl's first choice. What really matters is that I'm her LAST choice, her FINAL choice.

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    • 20d

      You have a valid point I never thought about it that way. What I'm really asking is if a girl prefers a different guy over you, and when he is out of the picture she gives you a chance. Excellent statement tho I enjoyed it.

What Girls Said 25

  • No. I have enough self worth to not demean myself like that. If someone hasn't, within a reasonable amount of time, decided that they are as interested in me as I am in them, then I need to suck it and stop engaging. There are other people for whom I will be their first choice and who will be mine.

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  • Only if we're both each other's backup plans lol xD

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  • no, i refuse to get used or use anyone. with that being said, i don't find it okay to be used as a second plan/back up plan. its disgusting to me

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  • Nope :) You either fall for me or you don't. If you didn't the first time around, what is different now... desperation or what?

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  • No. I'd feel like they were settling. It would eat at me too much.

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    • 20d

      Settling is a good way to put it. In life we ask for things after time when we don't get what we want. We start to ask for less, and eventually settle.

  • No, I don't think so. I don't wanna be second best I wanna be your one and only, know what I'm sayin?

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  • Very good question. I had to think about it for a while but in the end I concluded no I wouldn't because I would be scared that they were always hoping their first choice would come back into his life and he would leave me for her.

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  • Oh hell no.
    Either choose only me or lose me betch.

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  • Yes. I have actually, it's shit but yeah I've been there. Mainly cause I loved him.

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  • No, but this actually happened and I couldn't look at him or talk to him. I felt stupid for not believing my friends. I was really hurt and couldn't even trust a guy after him.

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  • I'd rather not, but in some ways, all of us are just backups.

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  • nope

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  • nope. not gonna happen.

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  • "I rather walk alone then to play a supporting role, if I can't have the starring role"
    - Marina and the Diamonds

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  • Only if i was 30+ and they were also my 2nd choice.

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  • No, never.

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  • Boy! I am nobodies second choice! You can't beat perfection!
    (So no!)

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  • Nope. Bitch can go fuck himself.

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  • if it were purely casual, yes

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  • I'm either yours or not, I'm not the "side chick".

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  • nope, I'm either someone's first choice or I'm not choice at all.

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  • I would like to say no but I know I probably would if I really loved him. I wouldn't trust him though so...

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    • 20d

      This is the truth as in what actually happens.

      What girls say and what they actually do differs.

  • I can't be anyone's backup plan. You're either with me or not with me.

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  • No. I was almost in that situation. I knew it even when we went on a few dates that it could happen. I am just glad that it was only a few dates and I didn't get too emotionally attached to him. The thing is, he still tries to see me as his back up plan even though I will never go for him again. It was me he went for, but then he found out the girl he really liked wanted him, so he forgot about me in an instant. The problem is, we work together (all of us) so for a while I had to see him and her all the time. I switched shifts though, so I got myself out of that situation. The thing is, they are off and on all the time, so when they break up, he tries to get my attention. I ignore it though, and it's easier being on a different shift from him. I shouldn't have gone for a co-worker anyway. I've always believed it was a big no-no, so I don't understand what I was thinking by getting myself in that kind of drama in the first place. It was my entire fault.

    So now if I know a guy and I find out that there is a girl he'd rather be with then over others, I won't bother. That happened just recently. He asked me out but I said no. I explained to him why I said no just so he'd understand. He said he isn't like that, but I just feel it would have been a big mistake.

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  • I think I would if it was at the beginning. There's always the chance that they would develop feelings for me, and me for them.

    But if we'd been seeing each other for a while, and they still preferred someone else to me, then it would be time to end it and move on.

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What Guys Said 29

  • Not me, if I'm just an option, so are you

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  • If one could dream, and that someone actually had me as their second choice, I say it would depend on the person and situation. I can't judge someone over their feelings, and if she felt like the first guy was really right for her, but he proved her wrong, or hurt her feelings in some way, then i wouldn't tell her to get lost. I would give her the chance. Aka if she was the victim, then yes i would settle for second coice.

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  • No I wouldn't

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  • Could this be said if she was flirting with you a lot for months and gives signs she likes you then you ask her out and she says she is in a relationship?

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  • I''m no ones back up plan.

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  • Absofuckinglutely not. I might as well throw my pride and honour out the window.

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  • Nope.

    I've had this happen to me once. Not gonna lie, I was really proud of how I handled it.

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    • 20d

      How did you handle it?

    • 20d

      I told her that she'd wind up regretting it (going for the other dude) because I'm kinda great, but that it'd be too late by then. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. lol

      Mind you, the only reason I spoke with even a hint of arrogance was because, deep down, I was hurt. But still, I was proud of myself.

    • 20d

      I wouldn't call it arrogant if it was all honesty. Keep in mind you are selling yourself so to speak. And yes I think laying down what needs to be said is totally necessary.

  • I feel everyone backup for themselve but not want to be backup

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  • No. I have self respect. I'd Fuck her for a while and then dump her ass.

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  • No. I'd refer to be a first choice.

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  • nope, never

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  • No way in hell. I won't take that shit - no matter what they're reasoning is.

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  • I'll take 5th choice! Anything! Anyone!

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  • Nope. I'm moving on

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  • Yeah good enough for me 👍🏼

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  • Fuck no

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  • Sounds like the premise to a movie.

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  • Could I love them? Probably not. Could I fuck them. Probably so.

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  • yes if they were my second choice as well

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  • She can go to hell.

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  • Knowingly? No never... but who knows when we are being used?

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    • 20d

      Initially you may not know, but overtime it's easier to tell.

    • Show All
    • 20d

      What do you mean by having the other party informed, the user or the used?

    • 20d

      @bloodmountain1990
      other party = her
      Used = by all means, you're being used by her. So when you leave, you need to tell her that you know you are being used and that's because I'm leaving.

  • If u r the one now its ok. but don't remain as back up plan.

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  • i won't be anybodies backup plan. hell naww

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  • only when i need a hole and i can't find it.

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  • hard question

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  • it would depend how badly I wanted to be with them , I'd have to want to date them fairly badly to put up with that

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  • It's a very tough situation to be in no doubt. I've had someone be a 2nd option and I've been someone's fall back option as well. When you multi date, more likely than not, you'll find someone that you like better than the others you're seeing. With the way online dating is, you pretty much have to multi date due to how many people flake now a days.

    But if someone gets back to me after flaking for a few weeks, I get skeptical even if I decide to see them and we hook up.

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  • Actually yes lmao.

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  • Yeah I could

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