He broke up with me because he felt I would take too long to lose more weight. Even though I said I'm working on it, he's ghosting me. Thoughts?

Things were going pretty great. There was a connection (great conversation, great compatability, great sex, you name it). He even said that we were very compatible in our last conversation.

The only problem is that, while he loves my curves, he doesn't like my overall weight. He said he's not as sexually into me as he'd want to be because of my weight. Now, this is coming from a tall, skinny Asian who eats whatever the fuck he wants, who also happens to believe it's all about calorie in/calorie out. Another note, I did not lead him on in the beginning. Prior to our first date I told him that I'm not happy with where I'm at physically. I need to lose 15 pounds to be in the average range for my height to weight ratio.

Since he broke it off on Thursday, we've talked on and off (I've initiated all of these conversations). He said that he felt I'd find someone better by the time I did lose the weight (insecurities on his part, maybe).

Initially, we decided to be friends while I worked on myself, but when does that ever work out? He said he'd still be attracted to me even if we were friends for awhile, but he's going to hop back on dating sites (if he hasn't already) while I'm working on myself so that he and I could work things out.

Last night I came back and told him that if he changes his mind and decides he wants to continue this while I work on improving myself, let me know. I couldn't guarantee I'd lose the weight fast, but said I'd be constantly working on it, and that I want a supportive relationship. he asked me how much I weighed and height (romantic, right?). And then after I responded, told him my goal weight, he just said OK.

Since our Thursday conversation, he just acts like he's done and moving on. He doesn't initiate the texts, reads some of my messages and doesn't respond, and he was pretty short with me yesterday. I feel like he's just moving on because he wasn't all that interested in the first place.

Updates:
26d A majority of you had the same input, that it's something more than just the weight. I hope not. For me, I'm not so sure because he was pretty adamant that it was my weight. He's a pretty straightforward/blunt/brutally honest kind of guy. And Thursday wasn't the first time he brought up my weight. When he broke it off, I asked him if I had done or said anything that made him change his mind, and he just said it was the weight.
26d But I do agree that he's left an opening for him to come back if I lose weight. What's so strange is that he likes "thicker girls", but I guess every many defines thick girls differently.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He is having unrealistic expectations, you're already trying your best and you have not given up, so why the fuck can't he just grow the fuck up and be patient about your work in progress? What the fuck does he expect? That you're going to become a super model or have the body of one eventually? If he's really helping you he should do research and actually help you find the most safe, reliable and efficient and easy to follow methods and means to lose weight, instead of telling you to do this or do that, or that you need to do this or do that. You know, what it's his loss. He's being a shallow fuck, it's not like you had completely given up and stopped trying to lose weight, it's his lack of understanding and lack of cooperation to help you, or even motivate you in your progress. But that's alright, you don't have to hang around him, once you made enough progress you'll eventually end up with someone better than him.

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    • 20d

      You made my day with your comment. Thank you!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Quote: 'Last night I came back and told him that if he changes his mind and decides he wants to continue this while I work on improving myself, let me know.'

    Seriously, please do yourself a big favor and move on. I am sorry but it shows you lack self confidence. Why do you want a man who is obviously dimping you because you are overweight? Is he Mr. Perfection walking on earth? I am sure he is not, and no one is. Why would you belittle yourself like this? If a guy wants you he should want you even if you are overweight and not disrespect you like this. A guy who really likes a woman would accept her flaws, and maybe encourage her to exercise after, but she should be the one who decides to lose weight, not because some guy told her ' you need to lose weight because I am not attracted to you like this'. Even if he is the last guy in your city, you should not take him.. out of self-respect.

    If you accept this, he will always control you (he already is!) and why not get 2 or 3 other girlfriends in case you get back the 1 or 2 kilograms that you lost!

    I am sorry to be harsh, for I feel sad for you.

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    • 25d

      Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them.

      It's hard for me to get butterflies for someone, so when I do it's a big deal. He gave me butterflies, but I'm sure with time I'll get over that

    • 24d

      You will find a man who deserves you😊. As somebody said above, dump him, start dieting and working out for your own well-being, and you will see how confident with yourself you will be. You will also tell yourself 'what the f... was I thinking when I was with him?'😊

    • 20d

      Thanks for MHO

What Guys Said 2

  • here's the hard truth.. he left you
    but he left an open door so whenever he does feel bored he can make sure he is always welcomed
    it's either he choose you and help you achieve that (you'll do whatever he tells you to)
    or he leaves (without i can always come back if you become hot option)
    you have to make him choose.. and stick with your decision whatever it is

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  • Yeah it seems more to than just your weight, might be more to it than that, he may just want to experience more of what's out there

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What Girls Said 5

  • He Doesn't Respect you, Nor will he Ever Love You... Unconditionally.
    If you Stand for this, you will Always be Stooping to Whatever Poop he Throws your Way on any Given God Fearing Day."
    Bring a New Year Here, dear, In, and Dump Old Trash. This One, hun, is a Bit of a Thrash, and either Stop Enabling him to Continue to be Rude and Crude, or Throw this Dude OUT with the "Old" by New Years. xx

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  • He's done. There's more to this than you just losing 10-15lbs. And by the way, if that's the basis of your relationship then you don't want any part of it if you actually want something more than just a warm body to hang around.

    If it makes you happy to lose the weight, go lose it, but let go of this guy and go on with all the things you have to do.

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    • 26d

      Honestly darling, i don't think it's better if this is all about your weight. I think it's worse. That is so not a guy you want to deal with in a relationship... again, unless you are jusy looking for a warm body to take up a spot until something better comes along.

    • 26d

      You're right. Even if I lose the weight, he'll have this control/power over me. He'd probably would want me to change other things about who I am as a person. I thought he was going to be different from the others, but it seems that's not the case.

      I told him that if all he cares about are looks then he's giving up on something and someone pretty amazing. And that he will probably never truly be happy if all he cares about is what's on the inside, because the relationship will just be superficial.

      He's so smart, so well educated, and doing so well for himself, but he's also just so stupid emotionally. To think he'd give up the chance to have a meaningful relationship with someone just because they don't fit his ideal body weight, even though he says he's sexually attracted to me (just not as much as he'd like).

      I just hate all of this. :(

  • Lose weight, become out of his league, date a hotter guy.

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  • Just don't be fat on your next life lol

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  • Personally, I'd lose the weight , get in shape by exercising.. then cut all contact with him. If you aren't good enough for him when you're out of shape then he's not good enough for you when you change your appearance

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    • 25d

      I've been working out, anf even got back down to the weight I was before I lost my job, got a new job, and went on vacation (12 to 13 pounds).

      I lost 45 pounds last year, so I'm now only 15 pounds from my goal weight.

      But you're right, he doesn't deserve me if he can't accept the person that I am now. He knows I'm working on myself, yet he still brought it up. He's superficial and impatient

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    • 25d

      Thank you!

    • 25d

      You're welcome 😊💕

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