Guys, If I ask you out on a date - park or museum, in public but low key- what are your expectations , or can you just take things in stride?

Thanks for your help.

He asked me out but i was not ready to get involved. Knowing how much i liked him i thought it'd be awkward & unfair to him to keep him at a distance and date simultaneously, so i just said no. its been several months and we are hanging out a lot and i am ready try again, but i still want to go slow. I want to ask him out though because I want him to definitely know i 'like; him. There's a lot of hidden tension bc no one is sure if we are hanging out or interested or should be giving other people a chance.

I want to cut the ambiguity and have a chance to be alone with him BUT i don't want to rush into anything. like i want it to be like a friendship except we know we like each other and go from there. slowly.

What i want to know is, does the at of asking him on a date mean he will likely expect things to progress quickly, sexually, or otherwise? Is it acceptable to go on a date if you want to take things slow, and, if you CAN go out and still take things slowly then how is it different than hanging out? like in his mind,.'well if she wants to go slow why does she ask me on a date, instead of just hang out'. if he asked me that what would i say? to me is still different but i'm not exactly sure how other than if i ask him on a date he knows i like him, and we are alone.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Slow is acceptable, motionless is not.

    Ultimately at this point he's going to seriously question whether you like him until things become physical.

    You can buy some time as you move slowly by being clear and direct.

    The difference between dating and hanging out is intent. Which circles back to, what path are you -potentially- on?

    Early dates are a lot like a job interview process, where you are deciding if you want to take things further. And a 'date' is like an interview, where 'hanging out' is more like just talking to a contact who may not actually be considering hiring you. And like dating, with interviews, you're free to go to one not being sure you want the job, but if they are actually hiring, pretty soon they're going to either hire you, or hire someone else.

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    • 25d

      whats the diff between dating someone you like versus hanging out with someone you like? and if you aklreayd like each other whatis the interrview fior, to see if the person yoy like would make a good partner? you can't really figure that out from a date... or is it from a series of dates. we've known each other almost a year so its not exactly like an interview i think.

      anyhow is there anything i should expect or he's going to expect?

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    • 22d

      Trying to be friends first, unless there's an artificial barrier to things moving forward, is awkward, confusing, playing games and in some ways a bad sign.

      Being -unable- to be friends is a bad sign too.

      Ideally you want someone you like as a friend and are attracted to. The combination means being just friends (or fwb) is uncomfortable because you want more.

      In addition to this, being friends for a long time won't make things less awkward to move forward, they'll make it -more- awkward.

      Finally, while its sad to say, the odds of you being great lifelong friends who then go seriously date other people while staying close... is really really low. It doesn't typically work that way.

      I'd suggest you wrap your head around just going for it, being upfront that you need to probably move -slowly- but without question in a 'couple' sort of way, and that if either of you freak out because of bad/no experienced, you regroup and try to work past it...

    • 22d

      Ultimately life is filled with much much bigger bumps than 'feeling anxious about how the relationship is going'. I'm saying that NOT to chastise you, but rather to say, while it may be a new habit for both of you and take practice, learning to communicate through problems is critical for a healthy relationship. And you two should both forgive the other a bit for struggling there -now-. But if this is going to go anywhere, you want to see that both of you are getting better at it, the more you're communicating the more the other is receptive and does.

      That's the way forward. So go for it ;)

What Guys Said 1

  • Stop beating around the bush and just tell him exactly what you want, we can't read your minds. Either he'll understand and take it slow, or he won't simple as that.

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    • 25d

      where did i say i expect him to read my mind? i'm asking a question about what people expect from dates bc I've never dated.

      even 'going slowly' could mean different things to different people.

      to some it could mean sex but no intimacy. others intimacy but no touching. others a combo. and on a date i dont think id go down a list of dis and donts. thatd be odd.

      i asked a question bc i want info. assuming im not direct person is not helpful.

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    • 25d

      Yes, that is what dating is all about. You and the other person go grab something to eat and describe your own views on relationships and goals in life to see if they are similar and if you both can move to the next step whatever you two decide.

      I hope this was clear enough!!!

    • 25d

      @tsm00th86

      ohhh i had no idea people actually TALKED about that... thank you. very much.

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