Do we as society put so much weight on the men's actions and responsibility towards a girl he's dating?

I just started dating this guy and he's a smart, nice and cute guy. We do not communicate that often. I met him since mid Feb and we have only hung out 5 times in the past 2.5 months. We don't text daily or talk daily. I sometimes text him once a week and he ALWAYS respond back, or when I call him, he picks up or call me back if he's at work. He called me a few times too. We have great chemistry, enjoy each others' company and are both physically attracted to each other. We fooled around but haven't actually had sex yet. We talked about it but I told him I am not ready and he said he respects that.

However, when I tell my friends about this, they all ask "why doesn't he text/call you often?" They lead me to think that I am in denial that this guy just using me and stringing me along until we do the deed. I start to think, "what if they're right? Why is he not calling me daily or wanting to hang out with me more often?" Before this, I was completely fine with not talking to him daily. I think distance makes the heart grows fonder. I enjoy the little time I have with him and it's special. It makes me want more and I like that feeling, but are my friends right? Is he just playing me? I asked him if he's seeing other people and he said "No, I am not like that."


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For me, I still think women have it easier because, I think it’s easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend because girls just have to be born cute, pretty, they just have to look good in order for us guys to consider them girlfriend material or one-night stand material, or just for us to be interested in them, that's all. Us guys have to walk right, stand right, sit right, breathe right, talk right, think right. We have to have the right social skills, conversation skills, pretty much talking skills, the right attitude, the right mentality, the right way of thinking, the right body language, and the right confidence. It’s like a guy’s success with girls all comes down to the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, meanwhile girls just have to have the body and looks in order to get a guy. My whole point is that it’s easier to be visually, physically appealing to someone than it is to be emotionally, verbally, mentaly appealing to someone. Because Confidence is a Mental thing.

    Basically, women judge men for their social status, social skills and confidence, and all the other stuff I mentioned, just as much as us men judge women based on their looks

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    • Confidence is a mental but there is no exact formula for it. It comes more from knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. That's more important than having some specific mindset when talking to girls.

What Guys Said 4

  • I think if a guy likes you, he should say, none of this keeping quiet and playing it cool crap, or not texting or calling right away because they don't wanna come off desperate. Maybe he's trying to do that?. Or maybe he's shy because he really likes you?. And to answer your bit about weight on men in society, you ask him would he like to go out for dinner, or go to a bar for some drinks and get to know eachother. Don't leave it for him to ask!, women can ask men out too and for me they are the ones who seem more confident as they are in control. To be honest I would leave sex out the way for a bit, sex does change things, and you won't know if he really likes you if you end up drinking too much and getting dirty dirty lol. Good luck with it.

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  • Err 5 times in the last 2.5 months? He obviously doesn't want to see you more than that, otherwise he would. He's not playing you, he's probably with some other girl.

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    • Not neccessarily. You say you enjoy the time together & keeps you wanting more. Maybe he feels the same way. It.s kind of like prolonging the honeymoon stage. Why rush it.

  • Yea it does. Guys have every responsibility and duty in relationships. We have to pay for everything, say the right thing every time, choose the right place, choose everything in general, try to think up romantic stuff when we're doing something that matters school/ work and no offense most western girls only have one duty in a relationship and that's opening their legs when they feel like it.

    When are we going to have a manist movement where we get to void all these responsibilities and start acting like the situation from jersey shore?

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    • Haha. Depends on the girl. I never pay for everything because I like girls who have jobs.

  • Yes, society does place a lot of weight on guys in a relationship.

    However, I'd agree with the others. You should hang out with this guy more before putting out. If he isn't interested in spending time with you outside of being physical, then he's only going to be looking for sex. If he does like spending time with you without any physical activity, then he's more likely to stick with you. Use your judgment, and good luck.

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What Girls Said 3

  • to be fair, there is a lot of pressure on both sides... not just on guys, the pressures however are different is all, some real and some imaginary.

    girls are afraid of the same things guys are too. I think if you are really into this guy, why not be the "brave" one and initiate more? just call up and go see a movie, go to the park, have a drink... not everything has to lead somewhere, just enjoy each others company more often and let the chemistry develop.

    I do agree if you are full-on at the start of dating things might fizzle out, but by doing and trying a lot of things together you get to learn things about yourself and the other person... cliche.. but true!

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  • It's really a catch 22. We have to assume some of the weight and decide whether or not the decisions and actions we take are worth any outcome in the end. Pursue and let yourself be pursued, it will help balance things. Keep your expectations even-keel and hopes in check, that's the advice I am following for myself despite all the criticisms around me.

    I have to say I am in a similar situation. I am absolutely crazy over this guy who is just out of the military and Iraq last year and after a couple months we became intimate and had sex twice, after dating for a while. I really admire him, but also fear what kind of life he has lived in the past 8 years, wonder what he saw, how he acts towards people, if he is sorting through strange emotions or PTSD...it doesn't show though, he's very calm and normal on the surface.

    He lives 1.5 hours away and we do not talk everyday, but when we do it's full on and he always gives me his undivided attention when we're together (this includes talking about future plans, etc, not just with each other, but with our lives and how we are working to better ourselves).

    My sister, however, thinks he is playing me. That he has a girlfriend. That just because we do not hang out on weekends he is using me or lying and living a double life. My mother thinks the same...but that's because they are and have always been wary and controlling of others and want their own face time with him because I have been so hurt by men in the past. I often feel torn about whether to put my trust and faith in him or trust all this opposition on all sides. I guess an even combination of both, while challenging everyone around me to work harder toward my best interests...

    I've been trying to take it slow, but I've also been looking for a job up north where he's from (not just to be closer to him, but for myself and for better opportunities), and everyone around tells me I will be sorry, that I will fall on my face.

    It's difficult. Who do you trust? Do you trust the bitter and the cynical (who may also have their own personal agendas)? Do you NOT trust the one you are trying to BUILD something with and risk hurting them and hurting a move forward? One never knows...Best wishes to you and be safe with your heart.

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  • I agree with you. A lot of relationships fizz out because in the beginning you see each other constantly. then get sick of each other.Alot of times that's why guys run, their emotions catch up with them then they don't knwo what to do. I think your plan is a good one. I don't think he's using you. Why would a guy stick around that long just to have sex with you? And I agree it does make the heart grow fonder. You have more things to talk about when you only talk so often.

    A balance must be created, though. Just make sue you don't gradually part because of the distance. Keep in constant but prolonged contact.

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