Guys who are interested in me are not attractive to me. Because of this I don't date. Help?

I don't find anyone that pursues me attactive. The one time I tried to date someone I didn't find attractive I didn't like to kiss or anything with them. I liked him as a person and he had everything I wanted in a person but there was no physical attraction at all and none formed.

I think it's because of the type of guy I am attracted to: tall, built but not too big and looks like he can protect me, handsome face, nice hair and nice style of dress. The men I've been attracted to all look like this but they're personalities are shit.

I know personality means more than looks but how can I focus on that when I just don't find the man attractive?


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What Guys Said 25

  • There's a whole lot of truth being skipped in this question... you're attracted to tall handsome men, but the one's who interact with you are assholes, so you're not into them... is this accurate?

    If this is the case, if the only the assholes are the ones who are approaching you, then either you're ignoring the handsome nice guys, or the handsome nice guys are ignoring you.

    If you are ONLY attracting the assholes then this is something YOU'RE doing thats scaring away the tall handsome guys who are NOT assholes.

    This is where you should be looking to make a change... not trying to like the less attractive guys just because they're nice.

    The tall attractive guys who have good personalities have OPTIONS... and if they're not choosing you then you should ask them why. Go find out.

    I've done this myself in my younger years... I started asking beautiful women what I was doing that was turning them off, and it was a combination of things... a little bit of my style, but mostly my personality. I was needy and desperate and I had no idea that's what I was giving off. It was a great learning experience for me.

    Good luck! :D

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    • 21d

      Yeah that's accurate. But I also tend to avoid guys that look soft. I explained that in another answer on here but I'm not attracted to a man who seems like I can run over him easily. That's probably my main problem.

      Other than that I just do me really. I go to school, work, home, school, work.

      I probably look intimidating to some people because I don't smile when I'm on the go somewhere, I'm just focused on getting to where I need to be. I don't dress provocatively but I don't wear baggy clothes either. I don't feel needy or desperate because I'm not throwing myself at anyone and I'm pretty much happy being alone.

    • 20d

      If you're looking for better quality guys you're going to have to go where they are. And if you're too busy being "you" instead of being approachable and available, then you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten.

      I don't see a problem with ignoring the guys you can walk all over... they're not what you're looking for anyways.

      You need to find out where quality guys hang, or make friends with their friends.

      80% of finding love is about proximity. If they're not finding you online, or on your way to work, then you need to do a little work in order to be where they are.

      At least in my opinion.

      You can't get what you want if you're not willing to go find it. :P

  • You can have everything that you want but you have to realise that the more specific your requirements are the smaller the target group will become. If I wanted to find a red car I could find a million red cars. If I wanted to find a red car with green interior it would narrow that down by a lot. If I wanted to find a red car with green interior and gold plated rims it would be even more rare again. Not to mention one hell of an ugly looking car, lol!

    My point is that the more specific you get the harder it will be to find a match and the longer it will take, but it's still very possible and there is no reason why you should have to compromise. You just need to be realistic and patient.

    In the meantime there is no reason why you can't date and have some fun. Every guy doesn't have to be Mr Right or a long term thing.

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    • 21d

      Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

      I have fun with my friends lol. Besides, I the guys I do date are assholes so I'm pretty happy keeping to myself.

  • personality means much more than looks alone. but it sounds like you are having some issues with self respect. When you say that anyone who pursues you is not attractive. I hear that you diminish anyone who would be attracted to you. If they like you they can't be too great.

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  • Firstly, don't be with someone you aren't attracted to. In the long run it's just going to be awful. I did that once, and only once. Never again.

    Now, I don't know your exact age, but I have found that people in the first half of their twenties are getting their shit together. Hence, they can be a little selfish. It might just be a waiting game for you. Also try to remember that most people aren't compatible with each other. You just gotta keep on casting the net... again and again.

    Now, these attractive men who you claim are assholes. Are they attracted to you? What about them makes you call them assholes?

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  • Well then keep looking. You will find a guy with looks that you like who also has a nice personality.

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  • Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with having standards... physically, emotionally, and mentally. I won't settle for a girl that's too low on any of those scales.

    Also, unfortunately, a LOT of guys out there have shit personalities. Like I said though, just hang in there. Some of us left are decent, good looking, and of them there are one or two that have a good sense of style.

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  • If you don't find him attractive then don't date him, you need to be attracted to someone you're both attracted to physically and like them as a person as well. If you settle for a guy you like but are not attracted to you will only end up being dissatisfied and it will hurt both him and you. If you go for guys you're only attracted to but don't like personally, sure the sex will be great but it'll just feel unfulfilling and empty.

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  • I have a very similar problem, it seems like "that's life" if you're someone who believes it is a waste of your time to date someone who isn't attractive to you in every way (I do). So... I dunno, learn to live with it? Maybe try to sort out what exactly you want a relationship for while you're single so you know yourself better.

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  • Just keep looking, or accept the fact you can't pull a handsome man.

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  • they have shit personalities because they never needed to improve because their looks caried them... chicks are no different. its rare to find someone who crosses that line and bridges the gap.

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  • You can. Have you ever thought about asking out guys you are attracted to?

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  • well then change your standards. it´s not that hard. date those guys a few times. it will work out.

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    • 21d

      I know it's not hard to change my standards. But won't that mean I'm settling? People don't like to be settled for.

    • 21d

      xD sure they like it. if they are looking for a long term relationship. of course thouse who want to fuck around won´t like it.

  • Keep looking, or change your standards.

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    • 21d

      I considered that.

  • I always get girls staring at me and I think it's because I'm big like I can protect a girl.

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  • Maybe you're not pretty enough

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  • First world dating problems

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  • please elaborate on "but they're personalities are shit."

    What is shit about them?

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  • Lol reality Hun

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    • 21d

      Reality sucks.

    • 21d

      you think ever girl that has asked me for something has been amazing looking lol i wish
      some have and some haven't its life

  • Sucks for you. This is why hook up culture destroyed women, they think their value is higher than it really is.

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  • I'm everything you mentioned you like in a guy, if you are in North America, hit me up ;)

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  • Well if they looked like that and had fantastic and sociable personalities they would already be taken and not needing to chase after pepole in the first place.
    Prince charming would have the upper hand and would know it even if he did not abuse that power he would be hard to keep.

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    • 21d

      1/3 rd of pepole are single partly because so many pepole set their standards beyond where they are now thats perfectly fine you dont have to be in a relationship to be happy as long as you would rather be single than settle for imperfect so aren't denying yourself as you search and you dont blame others for it.

  • Usually if you can't at least see your standard in strangers it means you are unrealistic. But I get what u mean. I see girls who perfect shapes and sizes and faces but then they speak and my dick shrinks

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  • It's okay, just accept your female lesbian nature.

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  • So what about a guy who's has a mixture of these traits built and has a nice personality

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    • 21d

      If he exists

    • 21d

      I'm not bragging but that's me

  • I see women complain about this all the time. If you don't like the guys who approach you then just go after the guys you want.

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    • 21d

      They're typically assholes though.

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    • 21d

      That makes sense, but I think you gotta at least start giving some guys a chance. To be honest most men don't want to walk around with this macho mentality. They only do it because it usually attracts women, but also if a guy seems nice and sweet then people assume he's soft and week. You should walk up to the guy at work and learn about him. Same with other guys. You may or may not find that badass with a sensitive guy but you could still find a down to earth guy who's sweet yet is strong, would dominate you in and outside the bedroom and would protect you (or at least try his best). I think a lot of those guys don't get a chance to prove themselves.

    • 21d

      Weak*

What Girls Said 1

  • What i've learnt from experiencing that is go with the person you've know the longest/best, regardless of whether they're goodlooking or not. One of these days you might hit the jackpot but in the long run you're gonna end up choosing compatibility over looks.

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    • 21d

      The person I know has a newborn and I don't want to get involved in any of that. I get compatibility over looks but I don't want to be repulsed by the man. I want to actually be able to look him in the eye.

    • 21d

      You could consider a pod and if accepted share some guys with some other girls some of which are attractive?

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