Do you agree that "confidence is attractive"?

I mean no offense with this question and obviously not all women but many women like to say when a man is confident it's very attractive.

The problem I have with this statement is the pressure on men is a lot and honestly if I was a man it would be very hard to be confident. Women have the control when it comes to dating. Especially when society places the burden on the man where he has to go up to her and impress her and be interesting and funny at the time time confident, it feels like too much.

Not only that but in my experience women tend to be less forgiving when men mess up.

I'm not saying confidence is not a good thing, but at the same time I feel if a guy isn't confident I can't be too hard on him either. I mean when it comes to dating I don't feel i have to worry much about being confident or interesting, like my transition is smoother, while the mans is a lot more of a bumpy road.

Thoughts?





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What Guys Said 24

  • This has got to the be the dumbest logic I've ever witnessed on this website. Not only are we saying looks are irrelevant.. you are now deeming confidence irrelevant. If you don't want either, then what standards are left? I guess standards and preferences are too shallow now.

    If someone feels pressured to 'act' confident in front of women then he isn't truly confident. Confident doesn't take effort. No women don't have control over dating, you would be privileged to receive a text message from me hun.

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  • I agree to some extent but I can understand why confidence is attractive. And it is not only attractive to women but people in general. People tend to be grounded by those around them. If you are with someone who lacks confidence that can drag your confidence down as well. While on the other hand when you are around people who are confident that brings up your confidence too. Also studies show that people who lack confidence are deemed untrustworthy. This is why nice men loose. People who lack confidence lack the ability to connect to a person on a personal level. To some that person may come off as stuck up. Its really a natural process of things and no one chooses to be unattracted to people who lack confidence. It just naturally happens. My suggestion is to find confident people to hang around and bring down any cognitive distortions you may have put up due to past experience. Learn to step outside your comfort zone if you will. That will definitely boost your confidence. If a girl rejects you so what her loss. The girl was probably not worth your time and may have ended up hurting you. See that as you guardian angle looking out for you.

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  • My thoughts are basically putting this way. Both had to be confident and both have make an effort. Yes guys supposed to lead but this don't have to be the case all the time. We can run out things to talk about, we can be strung up in our thoughts do we forget things and more stuff. To relieve the pressure it's best if the girl in question practice how to not do too much and not expect a lot.

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  • Lot to think about in there but I feel a guy has a natural level of self awareness and it is up to other people to view it as confidence or not - It is when you try to be something you are not is when the problems start so just keep being yourself is my advice to all.

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  • Women are indeed less forgiving with men, they could have been the perfect partner for 20 years, but he makes one mistake and they are fucking done.

    Women don't keep a track record of men's good behavior, and generally will judge men, on the moment about the problem that arised.

    I highly recommend women to read the book called, "Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man", so you can further understand the social preasures that men have to fight agaisnt.

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  • Finally someone who understands!
    (☞゚ヮ゚)☞

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  • Well, confidence always helps in everything in life, not just dating. So, I think that developing confidence helps a lot in everything, it's a positive trait.

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  • Women have the control? They have some. We aren't made of glass, we aren't made of stone either. Like others have said, GIRLS mistake arrogance for confidence. WOMEN know confidence. A guy who tries to teach you s*** and makes your life better is a confident man, despite how much she resists. An a**hole, thug, alpha, whatever tears down your self esteem without regard for anyone but himself and girls mistake this for "believing in himself". Know the difference between teasing and insulting. Which requires an educated WOMAN. And girls who act like a**holes are a huuuuuge turnoff, they don't know when or how to follow.

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  • Given that confidence helps build your self esteem and success in almost every other aspect of life, trying to get guys to buck up and carry a little more of it couldn't hurt as long as you aren't using it as the one and only yard stick to measure them by. Confidence is a good thing in appropriate measures, just like anything else, but a lack of it can be a real handicap in areas other than just dating. Trying to get guys to have more of it can only be a good thing.

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  • As a man I'm happy to take the lead. I know your question was aimed towards women but for us to be able to do what we increases our ego. Not only that but it is a good character builder. You gain confidence, charisma, charm, drive, patience, passion, etc. The list really goes on and on. So I say don't feel bad for us. We thrive on our role and the competition it creates.

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  • I agree, however attraction has always been about masculinity and femininity. The reason for that is usually women like men that are assertive this come from the masculine energy. In a sense yes most women think confidence is attractive and sexy. True but the question is what is confidence? Confidence is a person who is happy and sure if there selves. This is where as a society most people make a cognitive error where in this particular case women go for the jerks because there more assertive and seem "confident" however this actually not the case jerks are actually probably one of the most insecure people in the world. After attraction usually we humans have something called the "Halo effect " which we falsely associated with good health, income , genes and convince ourselves to stay with this one person however this usually never ends up true 100% this is the " love is blind" saying.

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  • I'm glad things are the way it is. I built up all the confidence I ever needed asking girls out when I was younger.. It for me opened up a lot of other challenges that I was able to complete.

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  • Yes and no.

    I think there's a confusion between confidence and self esteem. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into this.

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  • Amen, sister!

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  • Awesome post. Wonderful understanding of how it goes

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  • Only confidence in your bank account and dick size is what matters to women.

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  • Thank you!

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  • because they are liars.

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  • I think the problem is as you stated women have control in the relationship and it's hard to be confident in something you don't have control over. So, I think women innately are attracted to confidence in men when trying to court a woman because they aren't in control, and overcoming that difficulty is sexy. Now, obviously women are also attracted to men who are confident in other areas, but being confident when trying to be with a woman is the ultimate high for the girl.

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  • It's a shame that so many women are so fucking stupid. This is why thugs get far more play. Dumb bitches think it's confidence. They have no idea what true confidence is...

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  • if the guy isn't handsome or big dicked confience is not going to work

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    • 24d

      *confidence

  • This is spot on, and then so many women complain about why men don't want to approach them anymore. We're not robots.

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  • It's nice to see a woman who understands what men have to go through.

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  • You are only confident if you get positive results back consistently. Meaning a man who gets lots of good feedback from women will be confident because he gets positive results. A man who gets lots of rejection will not be confident.

    Basically women have the game stacked to identify who are the men, that other women want. Logically a man who gets lots of girls will be confident as fuck while a guy who gets rejected will be scared to approach, not bother or stutter when he speaks/act nervous.

    Thus, this sets up a perfect system for the fuckboy/players to get more pussy while the guys who genuinely just want 1 girl can't get her because she is turned off by his lack of confidence not realizing that said male is probably like that from being rejected a lot.

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    • 24d

      Yeah but you dont need just looks to get confidence. Like take Donald Trump for example (politics aside), he's done some pretty impressive things. He has confidence and he's not a male model. But Im sure there are plenty of ladies who dig him.

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    • 24d

      @kingkapoor If your a guy and every girl you've every liked and had the nerve to approach either rejected you, played with you and strung you along for attention, or ignored you then obviously your confidence even if it started from a place of high will be shot very low.

      You can delude yourself that it's them losing out and your the shit but most guys would get frustrated and right off women/or have severe anxiety of approaching again due to failed pass performance.

      Also we don't need to go to the extreme of a guy who clearly is a loser. Simply being a normal guy, normal height who is making something of himself could land you in that position. Your past experience shapes your future.

    • 24d

      I understand what you're trying to say. But the thing is not to get too attached to a woman until, you have your base solidly set. I dont talk to just one, I have 6-7 in my books that Ill keep flirting with for weeks and build up from there. If someones wasting your time chuck em off your books.
      I think part of dating involves being open minded the chances that you like someone and they like you back exactly the same are very slim. Keep a type of girl in mind and expand your options. When they show interest go for it.
      There are days I don't feel confident, the best thing you can do is work on your faults and improve and be proud of your accomplishments. If you can convince yourself, you're amazing, you can convince women easily.

What Girls Said 4

  • I say this some. ANd i agree with a lot of what you are saying. THe pressure is on the guy. I don't expect perfection but i don't like a guy that is going to be timid or fearful. A little uncertainty is OK, but too much makes me feel like im the one in charge and i don't want to be the guy in a relationship.

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  • confidence like @chico_brah is very attractive... hnnggggg.

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  • IDC if it's hard on him or not, he can man up. I'm not chasing any man & I'm not dating some whiney baby.

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    • 24d

      You don't understand the issue and you're probably part of the problem

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    • 23d

      I'm really not that conceited, I had to stick up for myself. but me & @BigBallerSodaPop talked & he's a great guy

    • 22d

      @BigBallerSodaPop let me ask you something. If you know the rules of say... soccer, does that mean you are good at it and can be the next Christiano Ronaldo? Just because you know something really well, doesn't mean you are good at it.

      But with my money, I just need to earn a certain more and then I will start my own porn company. It's on my "to-do-list". Swear to god I'm doing this. I've already researched a lot and I'm that way, yeah I will beat it. At the end of the day, a mans financial power is the only way he can compete with a woman's sexual power. For example: you nor I can get into porn by putting in our resume. Any girl can (including OP) due to sexual power. Men have to create the business and pay women for it. Financial power.

      This can apply to almost any sphere in dating.

  • Attraction isn't charity. People are attracted to what they are attracted to and attraction is ALWAYS disciminative against some people. If you are attracted to men it's discriminating against women. If you're attracted to shy people it's discriminating against outgoing people. If you're attracted to blondes it's discriminating against brunettes and so on. Attraction will never be fair or affirmative action. So to have a problem with the statement that a lot of women are attracted to confident men is ridiciulous. It won't change a thing.

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    • 24d

      Wrong... so wrong. Confidence is thee core for male attraction. Confidence itself doesn't attract a girl but without it, no man is attractive. Your opinion would be valid if shy guys got laid on the levels as confident dudes. The prostitution industry wouldn't exist either according to your opinion as there would be an abundance of everyone for everyone, which doesn't exist in reality.

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