I been with a guy for about 3 years now. When I first started dating this guy he was 29. He was very hardworking and was in a job for 6 years. All of a sudden decided to leave the job and did not mention anything until a month later. He then has not been working for a total of about 1 1/2 years throughout our relationship. Everything is great except for his work ethic. He then eventually got a job for 6 months, as he knew I was unhappy. He then got sick and had 2 major surgeries and has not been working since. He is now 32 and tells me he does not to work with shitty people and wants to start his own company. I am going to be 26 and not sure what to do as if I continue to date him, he may not ever get a job. I currently was working for 3 years and then left my job as I was unhappy. I just feel though I am almost 26 and he is 32 and he should know what he wants before me. Plus he has the option to work with his father's company and will not. He says he loves me so much and I am the best thing in his life. He also mentioned its his time in his life, where he doesn't have kids and wants to try this out. Should I let things ride out or he will not change?
Should I leave this 3 year relationship or see if things get better?
What Guys Said 13
If you love him, ride it out. He is just tired of "settling" for work and wants to find something he's truly happy doing (you also right? as you left your job because you were unhappy? why can't he?). The only thing that was a "red flag" here to me was that he didn't tell you he quit his one job for a month and a half. Honesty and communication are so important in relationships. Now, I get that it's been a while and he's still not working but 2 major surgeries is a very good reason. Starting your own company is another good reason but has he done any work to start this? Or is all talk so far? I also understand not wanting to work with family (his dad), lots of people don't want to or can't handle it. Emotions get in the way. The kids issue, that's a good sign if you want them also, however he should get his career established before this happens. You both need to be able to support them. Also, you are already considering leaving him so don't add kids to this situation until you're sure you want to stay with him. So, it's up to you and how you feel. You know him better than we do. I would look at what he IS doing right now, any work into getting a job or starting a career? Or all talk and no action? As far as not knowing what to do with his life, that's all too common, some people never figure it out, but he should be trying things also.2
Do not enter a relationship or stay in a relationship expecting the other person to change. Change is hard. If you want a family and children and someone who can contribute financially, this is not the guy for you and it's time to end it. OTOH if you want to support an adult child it will be great, at least for him.2
Ride it out. In a good relationship, you share his good and his bad. Some people biggest regret relationship is that could go through hardship together but couldn't enjoy good time together or other way around. Using break up as a solution is stupid. Is that what you going to do next relationship. Break up for any problems you have in a relationship?0
huh.. He is still young and well sometimes it takes a LIFETIME to figure out what makes you happy soo cut him a little slack about that however he does need to try and work on something and not just put all the burden on you0
He's too flakey. Move on,1
Don't stick around hoping he will change, he probably won't. Only stay if you can accept him as he is now0
If money is all you want, then that is not a relationship.1
Have a talk with him, just mention how you feel and you've been put off by his attitude. Nothing is better than the truth sometimes, at least then you know for sure where you stand with him. Hard habits are hard to break.0
He's kinda old to change. Kick him to the curb.0
Never try to change people0
Translation- "I only got with my boyfriend because he was a high earner in a stable job, and now he might not be making as much money, I'm going to leave this 3yr relationship. I don't care if he'll be happier and more fulfilled pursuing his own goals and starting his own company (even though I quit MY own job because I was unhappy, and I'm sponging off of him right now). And I don't give a fuck about him loving me so much, or about being the best thing in his life-I'm a WOMAN, I'm entitled to that from EVERY man no matter who they are, and any men who express their feelings like that are desperate, needy and pathetic in our eyes. I'm going to leave him unless he agrees to sacrifice his prospects of happiness and fulfillment, in order to work the job which I want him to work and guarantee that he'll be earning the wage which I want him to earn, because unless I can keep fleecing off of him, unless he maintains his work ethic (slaving away in a job which he hates, to rake in the wages which he needs to keep buying ME expensive things whenever I want them), he's utterly useless to me as a man and as a husband. What use is a man if you can't use him as your wallet or ATM? Am I right, ladies? I know, I know I'm right- Thank you! Thank you, for saying I'm right!"0
Give him a few months to clean up his act, and if he doesn't yes it will be difficult but it's for the better1
Leave him if you don't love him :)1
What Girls Said 2
For me ambition is a big must and I could never be with someone who didn't want to be stable financially. I'm career driven because i grew up with a really really lazy father who also never wants to work. I am the opposite because I see what it does and the mess it can cause. So yeah, if ambition and stability is important to you, it is absolutely vital for you to leave.
And from my experience, if a guy is already lazy at 32 then the odds are it will only get worse and worse with age. My father showed signs of this at that age too and he's now almost 60 and worse, causing so many troubles for me and my family through the years.0
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I believe @GingerGuy already covered it pretty well.
Two major surgeries, I don't know what kind, but it sounds life-changing.
Kids, I don't think you're ever super ready to have them, but cannot put life on hold in preparation for that as well.
If he wants to fly solo, careerwise, he ought at least to keep his head on his shoulders and do it properly. If you really love this man, you shouldn't be so harsh on him or threaten to leave... I understand you would also be putting your future on the line, but these are things that need to be talked about and discussed, not on an individual approach. After a three years relationship, this goes for him as well!0
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