I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship. I was engaged, and he ended it. I started dating someone on tinder, and I really liked this new guy too, except he doesn't want anything serious... He's in school to be an orthodontist and he's just going to move back to the state his family is from. I got upset because he changed his bumble profile recently and said he wanted to "cuddle with someone to help with his post-election blues". We've been seeing each other for 3 months. I confronted him about it, and he said he was honest from the very beginning and said he didn't want anything serious. I guess I should be glad it is over, because if I'm not that important, and he wants to post cuddle with someone then I guess I'm glad it's over. I just had the "feels" for him. I thought he was someone special. I guess I can feel that for someone else maybe... I just feel like things get better, and then I just end up being crushed all of the time, over and over and over again. I'm just sad. I guess maybe if I didn't confront him, we would be hanging out this week and having fun, but we are not. He doesn't want to waste my time. I really do like him, even with everything that has happened. We were supposed to hang out this weekend and go to a movie on Thursday, but now since I brought up his bumble profile, he said we should just "lay low this week" and he would call me next week. My thoughts on that are he is going to just go on some dates with some other chics, and then "maybe' give me a call next week. I feel like I should just drop him... I like him, and I thought I might even love him... I'm crying, and it sucks... I just want to know that maybe that there is still hope for me... I wonder if he is even sad. My room mate was like "he loves you." blah blah... guess it's not enough. He never said it, but I felt like I felt it. I guess feelings come and go and that's it... I just gotta keep moving on... I'm just sad, and I want to be hopeful.
Do you think there is someone for everyone? I feel like I might never meet that person?
What Guys Said 5
You're 29. If you want to find someone, you'll find someone. I mean, there is simply no shortage of men and women who want to have long-term, serious relationships. From what you described, you're talking about having dated two men in the past 3.5 years. That's absolutely nothing so I would say to just be patient. Keep going out on dates, keep your mind open and you'll do fine. Just try to have fun and don't press (I sense a lot of pressing here).
That said, this guy that you're upset over just wants to have fun and hook up. If that's not what you're looking for, you should definitely drop him, especially since it's clear that you're something like a fourth option to him at this point. It's ok if you don't mind being the backup girl (I certainly never minded being the backup guy in past hookup situations!) but if you aren't into that, then definitely move on as there are literally thousands of guys out there who would make you a priority.1
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Your update is exactly what you should do in my opinion, although I don't have any book suggestions. I said to another 'asker' earlier today, don't fall into the trap of feeling that your self-worth has to be 'put in' or 'come out of' a relationship - or anything in that realm, you know?
I completely understand that you want to share things with someone, etc, etc but you can find a lot of happiness and stuff within yourself... Man, I sound like a patronizing talk show host lol I know what I mean, and I hope you do too. I wish you the best!1
7.5 billion humans on this earth. Give or take 50% are men. You have 3.5 billion men to choose from1
That's a good question... I'm asking this myself yor years...1
I can relate as I briefly dated a girl a few months ago who I had a lot in common with and was very cute but the problem was she just got out of a 5 year relationship and was consistently acting hot and cold till it ended, and it ended badly. Granted the messed up situation was preventable.
Now unlike you I didn't find out about this until after our first date, but that being said, no matter how much someone may be our type, it is crucial to see the big picture and not overlook any red flags otherwise you set yourself up to get hurt.
It also makes dating even harder because as you look for others, you're in this mentality of "no can replace her/him" "will I ever find anyone else again?" and that's not a healthy mentality to have and just makes you more miserable.
All I'm saying is when someone says they're not looking for anything serious, you take their own word for it and take it or leave it.0
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What Girls Said 2
Look I don't want to be mean or anything (really) but when he said from the start he wasn't interested in more, you should have listened and walked away. You shot yourself in the foot. It's not the universe's fault for you going for someone who made his intentions clear from the start so in my opinion you caused your own misery. Now to be positive, you can learn from this experience. Don't go for guys who are clearly not interested in dating. You can help your dating life a lot by just not going for these types. There is someone out there for you but you will need to use your head, not heart and to be smart about it from day 1.
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