Should I go on a date with him?

There's this guy that has been trying to get me to go out with him since high school but I've never really been attracted to him- He's a little overweight but has a very attractive face. I'm starting to appreciate his initiative tho haha

Its not like he's lazy... he plays college baseball, coaches and is going to PT school.

But shouldn't I be at least initially attracted to him?
Would it be rude to get him to change his lifestyle a bit of we were to start dating?



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What Guys Said 19

  • I believe people should accept others for who they are, not for who they want them to be. And with that being said, I don’t feel it is wrong to try and help someone to change and be healthier, so long as you’re doing it for them and not for yourself, especially if you’re in a relationship with them. You should go out with a person because you feel attracted to them and you desire to have a relationship with that person. However, never go into a relationship with the notion that once you’re in said relationship you’ll change the other person so they fit more your personality or what you feel you desire. Instead, go into the relationship liking the other person for who they are to begin with, and then, and only then should you work with them to help for them to lead a healthier lifestyle, but again, not because you feel something is wrong with them, but because you care enough about them to help them change for the better so you and the other person can have a long, happy, and stable relationship together. That’s my bottom line.

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    • 18d

      yeah well thats why id be helping him... i just know that generally people live a happier, longer, and more fulfilled life if they aren't overweight.

    • 18d

      That is very true, but though we can open the door, we can't make people walk through them, therefore you have to be able to accept them for who they are to start with else the relationship is going to be a failure before it even begins, since you went into the relationship with a false idea of what you were getting yourself into.

  • Don't you find it a little desperate? I mean, he's been trying to get with you since high school and not moved on. I think you'd become bored of him very fast, your position is too strong in the interaction - i doubt he'd ever stand up to you if it was required.

    Go on a date though, just to see. It's a night out at worst.

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    • 18d

      it was at first.. but on fb its pretty clear he has a lot of options.

      i confronted him about that tho. i asked him why he's been so persistent. lol

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    • 18d

      @spoons Don't you have a wife/girlfriend already? Would you drop her if your high school crush came along and asked?

    • 17d

      im recently single

  • I think you should go out with him at least once. If he doesn't do it for you, then tell him you're not interested in going further.

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  • *sits on your lap* Santa, getting someone to lose weight isn't a bad change, it's good for them. However, it's going to take time and a lot of effort on your end as well. Are you sure you can go through that? Isn't it easier to start dating someone you're already attracted to?

    by the way Santa I've been a good boy this year. I want a new LG G5 and lots of snow for Christmas.

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    • 18d

      Yeah yeah you're right haha I just feel like I should give him a chance I guess.

      Yes I know you've been a good boy. You've prevented babysitters from the temptation of sitting on children. You've saved Christmas.

    • 18d

      Lmao! The had to sit on me instead. Its a hard job, pun intended, but someone has to do it.

      If thats what you feel then do it. If you get drawn by his personality your physical attraction might increase so who knows.

  • I think that if you're thinking of him enough to ask this question, then the answer is probably yes on the date with him.
    Secondly, I do feel it is 'rude' or misguided to try and change him. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he were on here asking this exact question?
    I suppose what I'm saying is... something I've learned in life/relationships is that generally it's YOU that you need to be focusing on changing/improving... not other people... Whatever you do, I wish you the best!

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    • 18d

      It's for health reasons. Not appearance. My dad is unhealthy and it's starting to affect him negatively:? so it makes me look at things differently in a SO

    • 18d

      Sure, I can see what you're saying but you also said that he's pretty active. If you like him then I think you should go for it and things can even themselves out. For example I was the opposite when I was younger. Too skinny/grew slowly into my body. That sounds awfully creepy but I know what I mean!
      Still though, it sounds like you care about this fella. Even if he ends up painfully in the friendzone again, he'll appreciate the date he's wanted since HS. Don't make him wonder about you for the rest of his life! lol

  • yeah if you aren't really into him i don't really think you should go on a date with him. it would kind of be leading him on. i mean if you have feelings for him or believe feelings might develop then go for it but otherwise i wouldn't go out with him.

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  • I don't think it's wrong for you to want to be initially attracted to him to date him. If you did, I also think it's ok to talk to him about lifestyle stuff if that's important to you, but it would be wrong to insist that he does.

    If he doesn't want to make those changes and it's important to you, then you certainly can stop seeing him for that reason

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  • Why not trying to meet him and visit a nice place together or so.
    That doesn't feel like a real date, and you get a chance to meet him in a nice and relaxed atmosphere :D

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  • You seem to be intrigued by him now, so I say yes! Go on one and see how things go! :-D

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  • yea, 1 date won't hurt. If you have fun tell him to call you, if it sucks tell him thanks but no thanks.

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  • These are decisions you have to determine for yourself. Is he unattractive enough that you'd drop him immediately if something better came along? You could use sex as a motivator if you'd like to see him in better shape. Tell him honestly what you have posted here; let him know that you'd like that he was in better shape physically as you're not a fan of rolls of fat. Instant turn off for me! Tell him that IF you were to get naked, you'd like somebody as physically in shape as you are. You want a match...

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  • Go out with him and see.

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  • Weather you do not do not the universe will go on. You are afraid of such an insignificant and selfish sexual desire that it rules your life. Just grab his dick. I'm 70% sure it will work.

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  • That's totally up to you.

    You say that he has an attractive face so at least there's some part of him you're attracted to. So, he's a little overweight, point is, do you think you could live with it?

    In my experience, changes don't stick for another person unless that person wants it to stick. Seems that he's active enough.

    I don't think it's so much rude as he might resent you for it (the lifestyle change).

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  • No you you should cock shame in your house while inviting him to a tea party with a BBC cock and put a chastity belt on him. Then photo print a picture of Chaning Tatum's abs and yell at him saying this is what a real man looks like "look at it... look at it... look at..."

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  • Maybe you could start to exercise with him, that way he would get leaner and ate the same time spend time with you, everyone wins.

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  • Lowering standards now? Smh

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    • 18d

      Stfu... lol he's literally asked me out every time he's home. I'm impressed by his persistence. And he's got an attractive face. Weight can always change right?

    • 18d

      Yes. It's mostly diet which can be modified though for most people it's the hardest change to make. Coupled with exercise, you could whip him into shape fast; especially if you offer a definite goal...;)

  • I say don't do it.

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    • 18d

      I just think it's a bad idea you're already wanting to change him before you try and date him. You should go out with someone you accept as is. Like you said he's not lazy and even is playing sports. If he is happy with the body he has who is anyone to tell him differently? It would most likely only hurt his self esteem and confidence.

  • What you should do is watch that Goldbergs show. Erica (the sister) in that show keeps rejecting a guy that is really nice to her because she isn't really attracted to him, but then he eventually gives up and finds someone else and then she realizes what she lost and could have had but it is too late and hurts a lot.
    You should at least give it a try or you may regret it. He won't wait for you forever.

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What Girls Said 8

  • What is one date? Go for it.

    Just go in knowing it's unlikely that he will change his lifestyle (eating habits, etc). He *might* but don't bet on him to change.

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  • You're not completely sold on the idea just yet but... sounds like you're at least a bit intrigued by him so go for it! Never close any doors and it's not like one date is going to leave anything written in stone. 👌

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  • go one one date with him. You may find he has some other great qualities that supercede his weight issue

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  • Go for it. Sometimes things change... trust me you might like him. Lol my boyfriend was really shy and even spilled his drink on me on our first date. I didn't think I would like him but 😏😏😏 now I like him.

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  • You seem like you're already considering it. Give the guy a chance. You never know what could happen.

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  • But shouldn't I be at least initially attracted to him?
    i dont know how about u, but for me i have to have attraction to date someone.

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  • Don't do it.

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  • I've made the mistake of going on dates with guys i have no attraction to and regret it. Why make him feel like he got a chance if you're not feeling him? I don't know my personal opinion.

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